Why do we act the way we do?

Have you ever noticed that when someone wants something, they will do almost anything to try to get it. I ran into this tonight. Someone knew that another person did not like what they were going to watch, but they wanted to watch a certain special, so they orchestrated it so that the other person would be forced into dealing with it, regardless of the other person's feelings. The other person was put into a very miserable situation.

It is amazing how selfish we can get. We stop caring about other people's feelings because all we want to do is stroke our own. A sad state of affairs our selfish hearts fall into. I hope that I do not treat other people's feelings so casually. I know that I can be selfish, I just hope that there is a limit to my selfishness and that it stops at hurt or ticking off other people.

Happy Boxing Day

Well, everyone, in Germany the day after Christmas is a holiday called boxing day. So what did I do? Well with around 6 other people, I watched Band of Brothers. That is right...all 10 parts. It was tough. I have done the Lord of the Rings before, but that was nothing compared to this. That is longer to.

This marathon was hard because of how emotionally taxing the parts are. Sometimes you just didn't want to talk after finishing a part and I sure didn't want to go on to the next one. But we made it. I don't know if it is something that I really ever want to do again.

Merry Christmas to all...

...and to all a good night.

That is right y'all, it is Christmas. At least here in Germany it is. I just got finished watching 'The Bourne Supremacy' - a good Christmas movie :-)

I shall get some good sleep, but I wanted to wish you all a very merry Christmas. I can't even believe that Christmas is here. I am still trying to figure out what it is going to mean for me. I better do that soon. I am very grateful that this is the time that we have chosen to celebrate the birth of the greatest 'man' in history. It was this that was the greatest sacrifice that allows me to have my hope that I have.

Thank you Jesus.

What does Christmas mean?

This is the first time I will be away from family and friends for the holidays. And it doesn't feel like Christmas. Why?

I am not sure, but I think that I will maybe discover a different feel about Christmas. I know what Christmas is truly about, but it seems that it means more than just that. Maybe in our time even if something is the main reason for Christmas, there are other reasons that make it special. I don't know. I don't think that made sense.

So I am on a quest to find out what the holidays mean for me. Christmas is about Jesus, but what else is it about?

I believe in Santa Claus

At least the idea of him...

God Bless us Everyone...(cough) (cough)

Last night we had a Christmas party. We watched 'Muppet's Christmas Carol.' It is weird doing these things without the people you are used to. The movie is a movie that I have watched with many friends countless times since college. Watching the movie brought up all the jokes that we have developed over the years. These are jokes that I can make around friends and they will laugh, or vice versa. But not here. I don't have a history here. People don't know 10 year old jokes. We can't just laugh at one of those inside type jokes.

I never thought that watching the Muppet's would be a sentimental hard time. How many more times will this come up? I also missed the famed Christmas party that I go to every year. It started in college and I have been to every one. It has become as much a part of the season as anything and I missed it.

All these thoughts are from my perspective. I wonder what it is like to not have me there. I have no clue. Do they miss me? Do they not even notice? I would guess somewhere in between the extremes. I think about these people all the time. I may not contact enough, but that doesn't mean the thoughts and love aren't there for my family and friends. Sometimes those emails or other contacts are just too hard to make.

This has been an interesting season and will only get more interesting. As I get closer and closer to Christmas, I am sure that these feelings will get more intense. It should be quite the ride. I don't know what to expect and am a bit scared of it.

Back to movies, now I am going to try to watch 'Home Alone' without my family laughing in the background.

I got a hole in my sweatshirt

Yep, my Messiah college sweatshirt has a hole in it. Now I realize that this is nothing of note, but I like how I got it. If you get a hole in some clothing, it stinks, but to have a good story is helpful. Here it is.

I got it while climbing around a castle in France. That is right. I am so privileged to be living over here in Germany. I spent the afternoon walking around things that were being built around 1000 years ago. Incredible history. The part of France that I was in is 45 minutes from where I live. I saw something like 7 or so castles on hilltops all around today. It is incredible. Also getting to visit a walled city called Riquewihr was neat.

Perspective is interesting. What I did today wouldn't be that incredible to someone living over here, but to someone in the states where everything is new, it is completely different. I need to stop myself and just think about the incredible privilege that I have been given.

Congrats

I want to wish a Happy Anniversary to my parents. That is right 31 years. Props to them for their commitment.

What to Say?

Too much has been going through my head lately. Mentally I just am swirling. It seems like different things just keep coming my way. First off, a holiday without family is hard. I wonder what Christmas will be like. I am concerned.

Relationships are such hard beasts. Man, if communication was better, it would be easier. Assumptions and expectations seem to just screw everything up. That is a whole post in itself.

It is nice to be picked. It is not nice to not be picked. Last is bad to. Just something.

Nature

Well, the last post may have left a little to be desired. Sorry. Anyway. A lot of people talk about how beautiful nature. The sky, the trees, oceans, mountains. It is wonderful, and I love it, but what about the sound?

How many people talk about the sound of nature? Have you ever stopped to listen? Today I stopped at a creek. It was bubbling down the rocks and was a very soothing sound. The wind blowing through the trees is nice to. There are just so many sounds that are so nice and calming. The sounds of nature are incredible and amazing.

Just a thought.

Life is Life

Life just goes. It doesn't stop. It doesn't even slow down. It just goes. Sometimes good things happen and sometimes bad things, but life still goes.

So how do we respond? Do we try to change the fact? I know that I sometimes do. I wonder if we should just accept the things that happen and either be thankful or turn them for the better.

I like women

Ode to Women

I know that I have talked in the past about the wonders of women, but it has been a while so I figure that I shall opine on it again. Women are nice. Some would say very nice. They smell nice, talk nice, touch nice. Oo, the touch of a woman....

Okay, Okay, I woke up. Anyway. There is something wonderful and mysterious about a woman. Something that us men can't understand. And that is what I think the beauty of it is. We don't understand each other, yet we aren't complete without each other.

And that is why I like women, no, love women. They are awesome and I am glad for pretty much every interaction I have with them.

(Disclaimer: This ode is in no way to be construed as an ode towards a specific woman. There is no specific woman for this, so quit assuming stuff and lay off, you little buggers!)

Left of Center

Why do people most commonly leave others out of things? I would guess that the large majority of the time, it isn't an intentional thing. I would bet that mostly it is because they forget.

So what makes people forget other people? A lot of it probably has to do with the fact that if you don't know somebody that well, or want to know them that well, you are always thinking about or making the effort to get to know them more. And the person is just not thought about. A very simple thing.

Now here is another question. Are some people just naturally more forgettable than others? Hmm.

What do you want?

What do we all want? Is it acceptance? Is it respect? Is it love? Can we have the last two without acceptance?

Just been thinking about how I feel a part of a group. Usually it is when I am accepted for who I am. When they just expect me to be me. They don't want anything out of me. Isn't that how community starts? Yep, I just used a buzzword. Sorry, it was the only one that fit. I don't know, just wondering.

What is it for you?

Cheesy Pick-Up line #384

(Pick up some fallen leaves)
(Walk up to girl and say)

-As time goes by

-Just like these leaves

-I keep falling for you (As you say the last line, drop the leaves next to her)

That's right, an original.

I'm Addicted

Band of Brothers got me. I avoided it for so long, but I am done. Monday I watched 2 episodes and Tuesday on my day off I watched 5 more.

What a series. I can't wait to watch the last 3. It is so well done. The colours, the story, the production. Wow, it is so enthralling. Amazing. Not for the squeamish at all though. And not light. It is emotionally draining. Especially parts 5 and 6.

I can't wait to start it over again and I haven't even finished it.

I missed it

This weekend, I missed something that I haven't missed ever. But before that, sorry I haven't been updating over the last week. It was insane this week and even crazier this past weekend. It is Monday though and much calmer.

Anyway, my college's homecoming was this past Saturday. Since I started college, I have never missed one until this year. It had become a part of my October. A time to see friends and to talk to them and eat a meal. And also watch Messiah beat some poor school in soccer. But not this year.

I miss it. I missed my friends and the time walking around a beautiful campus wrapped in fall colours. I missed seeing people that I only see a couple of times a year. I missed the powderpuff football game.

So what did I do? I listened to jazz and 40s/50s love songs all day. I'm such a sap.

Committment

I was organizing something and had people say that they would do it and then back out on it a day or two before the event. Not cool. Why don't people's words mean much anymore? I was taught that when I say something, I do it. I have always figured that others were taught the same thing. Maybe I was wrong. In the end it turned out fine, but it makes for a stressful prep.

Elsewhere, I have been thinking. Here is a question. What are two things that you can't do without. I am not talking about items, but about ideas or interactions. Maybe it is time to yourself, maybe it is closeness with others. Maybe it is a partner. I wonder what makes us click and keep going.

Criticism

n. A critical comment or judgment

Why do we react so negatively to this word? Is it because it is used almost exclusively negatively? It is such a small word with such powerful impact.

Today I experienced some constructive criticism. It was done kindly with the best of intentions. And you know what? It sucked. I hated it. Not only that but now I feel like a bit of a failure. I strive to do some things right and find that I am not. That stinks.

So why is this the case? I have an idea. Maybe it is because we are much better talking about the negative than encouraging people. It would be interesting to do a study on a person's positive comments as opposed to their negative comments. I wonder how much their negative comments would win by. I know that it would be a landslide for me. And I am even an optimist.

Now about the judgment word...

Amazing

Sometimes we need encouragement and what is so small to one person is huge to you. That happened to me today. Things had been a bit hard lately and many circumstances had left me feeling very unappreciated. Then today one person made a very sincere yet simple compliment and thank you for something I had done.

It just lifted my day. That didn't make everything feel fine, but it brought some sun into the day. It was so nice. Something so quick and simple was so meaningful. I wonder if we realize how much we affect others. A positive comment can do amazing things to lift each other. On the other hand a negative comment can just destroy someone.

I think that we forget the power of words in lifting and tearing down people. So try to say something nice to someone today. It could mean a lot more to them than you would have thought.

Things Ya Want

It's not the pale moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me
Oh no
It's just the nearness of you

It isn't your sweet conversation
That brings this sensation
Oh no
It's just the nearness of you
-Hoagy Carmichael

Yup, sometimes you just want someone to hold and be near. Oh well...In God's time...Not like I have any time anyway.

Things Ya Miss

I am around people ALL the time. When you live in a house with 26 guys and staff, that is just how it is. And right now I don't want to be around anyone. It isn't that I am tired of high school kids. I am just tired of only hanging out with high school students. I really would like to hang with people my own age.

It doesn't have to be much. I would just be happy to have a few folks out at a coffee shop, talking and drinking good coffee. There is a depth of conversation and just a comfortableness when being around people your own age. It is not as hard, because we understand each other. No matter how we grew up, we grew up in the same years and there are a lot of common experiences right there.

So rather than just sitting around or watching Monty Python for the umpteenth time, I am typing on the internet. What kind of messed up modern age, mental satisfaction is that?

Do we care?

Jars of Clay just came out with an album which I think is pretty darn good. I wanted to highlight the lyrics of this song. It chilled me the first time I heard it.

Oh my God, look around this place
Your fingers reach around the bone
You set the break and set the tone
Flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain
All fools say, "Oh my God"

Oh my God, Why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don't bleed
There is no cure for our disease
Turn a phrase, and rise again
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friend
Oh my God.

Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief
Weddings, boats and alibis
All drift away, and a mother cries

Liars and fools; sons and failures
Thieves will always say
Lost and found; ailing wanderers
Healers always say
Whores and angels; men with problems
Leavers always say
Broken hearted; separated
Orphans always say
War creators; racial haters
Preachers always say
Distant fathers; fallen warriors
Givers always say
Pilgrim saints; lonely widows
Users always say
Fearful mothers; watchful doubters
Saviors always say

Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces light
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven
All the times I thought to reach up
All the times I had to give
Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense

Oh my God
Oh my God
Oh my God

Are you in shape?

This past weekend I was in the Alps of Switzerland. While there I was able to watch a bunch of people. And one thing I learned. People there hike everywhere. I have noticed it in Germany too, but not as much. It doesn't even matter what age. Anyone from 6 - 80 is hiking up a mountain. With ease too!

There is not chance that this would happen in the US. And I am one of them. I had 70-80 year old ladies passing me on the hike. I should really work on being in better shape. They keep themselves healthy. They eat healthy and always get exercise. This doesn't mean that they are stick skinny. No matter what their shape, they are able to do many things

Maybe it is something that we need to work on. Stop worrying less about how we look and how much we way and start be concerned about what kind of shape we are in.

It is...really

A post is coming soon. Blogger has been fighting with me all day, but it will happen. Hopefully this will go through.

Peace and love

Them Type A people

Busyness, busyness, busyness.

My word, I have been busy. Who would know that you could be this busy in Germany. Anyway, I have been thinking about personalities. Some personalities get along fine, others do not always mesh well. Yet there are times that we have to mesh with people that we don't necessarily click with.

This can be difficult and to be quite honest, I haven't figured out yet how it works. Any ideas?

It seems like there would be a better solution than just sucking it up and going on with life, but is there a solution for smooth operating interaction.

In other news, go Ravens, Yeah Messiah! and I hope the Yankees lose. Also Cinderella Man is a great movie and the new Jars of Clay album is a good one.

9.11.01

5 years later...

Where were you? Do you still remember? When the first plane hit, I was driving to work listening to Oldies 100 in the DC area. I watched the second plane hit live on tv. It was definitely chilling. I spent the whole day a bit concerned because I was about 8 miles from the Pentagon and in a government facility.

I remember deciding on Wednesday that I would not watch any more news coverage, because it was only doing bad things to me. Wednesday night we had an impromptu church service, praying for people. I remember driving by later and seeing the gaping whole that had been left in the Pentagon from this horror of horrors.

What was the most chilling moment? Seeing people choose to jump from the towers.

A good moment? Seeing people gather around each other to help them however they could.

I know somebody that missed her train so she wasn't at the World Trade Center when the planes hit. Yet almost 3000 people died in the attacks at the WTCs, Pentagon, and Pennsylvania field.

Let us never forget.

Beauty in the eye of the beholder

Well, life goes on. It is funny how life changes. A couple of phone calls and a well placed note or two can just bring you out of your low point. People are cool. I truly believe that we are at our greatest when we are caring. I don't know what it is, but caring seems to bring something a little extra out of us. We seem to forget ourselves and concetrate on helping others. There is something beautiful there.

I was alone...

It has been rough over the last couple of days. I have really been feeling lonely. It is funny when these things hit. This specific part has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. I hadn't realized how comfortable of a support structure I had created around me. When I moved to Germany, that all changed.

I just didn't know how much I rely on others for emotional support. Because that is not there and since I have not yet created a new deep structure, it is hard. Nobody to really talk to. When you don't know people real well, it is not always evident that they care. Even if they do, I won't always feel it because that familiarism and trust is not there yet.

Just something else to work through. I am not sure how, but I have to get through it somehow. So think about it and if you have any suggestions, let me know.

Schön

Ever have those things that make you go grrr. I had a big one of those today. I love nature. I know that many of you will give me a fake AW, but oh well. I also have yet to see any sort of large mountain ranges. Neither the Appalachians or the Black Forest really count. There is a tall hill in the Black Forest called Hochblauen. It is between 3 and 4 km from my dorm. It is also one of the higher points in the Black Forest. On a clear day you can see the Alps from the point.

Yesterday was the first sunny day in a while. I was hoping to get people to go with me. Anyway, I made it up after getting lost and going way out of my way. It is still a gorgeous site, but I was unable to see the Alps. Well, I was pooped after a hard hike and being out of shape my muscles were killing me today.

Today people decided to go up. 6 people in fact. And the kicker the Alps were the clearest that they have been in a while. Grrr!!! Not that anyone was to blame, but it is quite depressing that I was unable to see the Alps. Hopefully one day.

there's no place that I could be without you

Honesty: What a thing. It is so specific and hard to completely carry out. Sometimes complete honesty surprises me. Yesterday, someone came and told me something. I was surprised at the honesty. The thing that they told me was miniscule. It didn't get them in trouble and they had to go out of their way to tell me. It was more of a hassle to tell me than not to.

That is what I mean by complete honesty. It was refreshing and showed that the person was a true person of integrity. I need to work on that. I think that I am a pretty honest person. Some would even say blunt, but I don't know if I would have gone that far.

Props to anyone who can identify the song lyric of a title without using the internet.

What is your comfort level

I recently talked about how nice rain was. That was Saturday evening. Well, the rain hasn't stopped since then. Oh well. It has to sometime. The sun will come out...

People like to be comfortable. We act so much differently when we are comfortable. If we have been to a place we feel more at ease. I have seen a lot of this recently. Between people that have been here in Germany and others.

I only hope that everyone learns to be comfortable. It could be a bad year for them if they don't. Somehow this has started to become a comfortable place for me. I guess because I have been here almost a month. So what makes us comfortable? Hmm. I wonder if it is home.

What is home...(I think I asked that question before)

Rain, Rain on my Face

It is raining. It rains a lot in Germany. Or maybe this is just an odd weather pattern. Anyway, sometimes the rain is annoying and sometimes it is nice. Tonight is one of those nice times. You can just hear it fall calmly against the roof. It is a very soothing sound.

It has really chilled me out. As I write this, I got a bit of Norah Jones playing. Ah, so relaxing. There is something nice about the rain. If it was earlier, I may go for a walk, but some other time. Right now I will just enjoy the soft sounds. And a bit of Donald Miller reading.

What are some things that cause you to chill? Is it a warm drink? Nice music? A soft woman? Or man? Is it a location? I think that it is important to have places that we can just chill. It heals our soul.
Oh, and Waking Ned Devine is an awesome movie…one of my favorites.

How do you respond?

This past weekend I went to Ikea in Germany. It was a very hard experience. Something that I did not expect. The store was under construction and not all of the areas were open. Plus everything was in German and all the workers spoke German. Add on top of that the need I had to get things to allow me to live like sheets and a pillow.

All this put together made for a very difficult and stressful experience. How did I react? I just wanted to get out of there. I needed help, but didn't know how to get it. I decided that it was useless and I gave up in a way. I didn't want to get annoyed further so I just stopped.

Interesting reaction, huh. So how do you react in a hard circumstance?

How is it different?

I had the privilege of being able to go to an amusement park on this past Thursday. It is called Europa Park. There are some definite differences between how it was run and how parks are run in the states. First off, the lines. They stop the lines periodically at different points in the waiting so that the ride queues don't back up as far. I don't see why they do it, but they do.

One thing they do that is awesome is to quickly load the ride. I would say that at most, 30 seconds passes from when a train arrives to when it leaves. No corny announcements. Just people getting off and on the ride. The food is better than at most American parks...and cheaper.

It is a nice park although not many huge rides. There was more food stuff than ride stuff it seemed. It did have one huge ride called Silver Star and that was completely awesome. What a thrill.

I had another post coming, but forgot it. It has been pretty busy, but I will try to stop by here as much as possible.

The Pressure

Have you ever felt like you have to feel a certain way for the people around you? Recently I moved to Germany and was told about how amazing a time I would have. Everybody is so excited about the wonderful time I will have.

Well, there are always ups and downs that we experience in our lives no matter where we are. So what do I tell people. Do I tell them that I sometimes am not doing incredibly or do I just keep it back? The funny thing about this is that I know they want to hear anything that it going on, good or bad. They want to hear honesty. But I have built things up in my mind.

It is amazing how other people's expectations affect us. I have talked about expectations from our side, but never really thought about it from the other way. It is something different to be under other's expectations.

Who's Better

How often do you compare yourself to others? I find that I do it often. The latest has been in the area of contact with the homeland. :-) Also known as the USA. Since I have been in Germany for almost the last week, I get to hear about who talked to the friends or folks or people everywhere back home.

Now I had a fair amount of contacts back there and I guess I have wanted them to miss me more than they are. It seems to be a ridiculous thought because all that is involved in this thought process is comparing myself to others.

I just need to be happy with what I am been given. I am very blessed. There are people that are contacting me and they are very very important to me and that should be enough. I need to be happy with what I have been given and not be disappointed with what I don't have.

Why can't I just show me?

As I mentioned before, I have met many people this week. And even thought I am a fairly honest and blunt person, I have still found myself to be accentuating the parts of me that I think to be good and hiding the rest. I don't get it. I come off sounding prideful or self-deprecating.

Why do I do such things? Why am I not comfortable enough to just show myself? I would bet that others do the same. Why? Most likely has to do with what I mentioned before. That we make snap judgments about people before we meet them.

I wish I could be more honest, but I just put out all this crap. It is amazing how we disappoint ourselves sometime.

People Everywhere

I have met somewhere around 40 people in the last two days. This is crazy. I see somebody and worry about whether or not I have already met them. But oh well, I'll just make a fool out of myself. I am pretty good at doing that anyway.

It's funny how we immediately have first impressions. Actually I shouldn't call them that. I should call it the first judging. I even try not to do it, but I do. I group people into groups before I even know them. Shame on me.

I shouldn't do that. People's quirks are not what define them. It's their heart.

I'm an otter

So I went to the movie by myself this past weekend. I went to see Lady in the Water. It was a very enjoyable movie. Different from M Night's normal movies, but still had the quality of story telling and character development. I have always enjoyed his movies and this was no different.

It was odd seeing a movie by myself. I had no one to talk with about the movie. I guess part of the oddness is because I am so social. I love being around people and thought it was odd to be all by myself. Even though during the movie was no problem, before and after, the silence is incredible.

I will just have to always catch a movie with other peeps. But do they have movies in Germany? :-) I'm flying tomorrow. Yippee.

The Doping Dope

The Tour de France ended recently. The winner was a Mr Floyd Landis. He is from Lancaster County, Pennsylvania which is near where I live. The news has been covering the story quite closely, including story of how wonderful a Mennonite boy he is. Interviews with his parents abound and it seems like there couldn't be a cleaner guy.

Until now. Today the news released that Landis failed a drug test during the Tour de France. More incredibly the stage after which he failed was the same one that he had the big comeback on. Evidently he needed a little help to do it. He has gone from hero to villain overnite. This is just a shame. Although sadly, not too surprising.

I'll be interested to see how the local news covers this one.

Divorce saddens me

I have recently interacted with a woman that commented that she is getting a divorce. She said it quite matter-of-factly and didn't seem to have any disappointment. This bothered me. It seems like things like this have just come to mean much less than they were intended to.

I am sure that marriage is hard, but I still think that marriage needs to become a more serious committment.

Another thing. Why are people so attached to money?

I'm am one...

This morning I stopped at a local coffeeshop on my way to work. I got myself an iced Americano which was very delicious. While at work another guy asked me if that was iced coffee that I had. I simply explained that it was actually iced espresso. Then he proceeded to asked me if I got it from McDonald's. My insides instantly started to shriek, I quickly explained that it was from a coffeeshop, all the while thinking, 'How could someone think I got coffee from McDonald's? Yuk!'

Yup, I'm a coffee snob

I hate goodbyes

Tonight I said the first of what are going to be a few very hard goodbyes. There are a few people that have been very near and dear to me over the past years. The people that I said goodbye to tonight I have know for the last 11 years and we have been around each other for the large part of that time starting with college.

They have always been there for me and I won't see them for the next two years. I didn't realize how much this would affect me. People that I have relied on will not be there for me to lean on. I will develop other relationships which I am sure will become very deep. But they can't replace 11 years of relationship or in the case of my family...a lifetime.

So I shall make through the goodbyes without too many tears.

It's a Name for a Girl

Grace, she takes the blame
She covers the shame, removes the stain
It could be her name

Grace, it's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that changed the world
And when she walks on the street you can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything...

...She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear her strings
Grace finds beauty in everything...

...What once was hurt; What once was friction; What left a mark
No longer stings; Because grace makes beauty out of ugly things
-U2

I have been amazed at grace lately. Especially the grace that I have been offered. I screw up so much and any normal human being would ditch me, but it hasn't happened. God just keeps offering me more and more grace. I keep falling into the same sin traps over and over and still more grace.

I hope that I can learn to treat others with more grace. Even if it is just a microscopic portion of the grace that I receive.

A Message in a Bottle

Have you ever noticed how unfulfilling communication can be when it isn't in person? I have noticed this recently. I have been trying to express certain emotions over email and it just isn't working. They can see my face or physical gestures and they can't hear my vocal inflections. Telephone is a little better because you can hear them, but it still isn't always accurate.

I guess this is why I love face to face interaction so much more. I can see them and read them. It is so much more informational and effective. I can show so much more through seeing you rather than typing an email to you.

So why do we like email and the such? Is it so we can hide our true selves easier? Hmmm.

Is it a wonder?

Recently I had the pleasure of procuring a new release by the band called Keane. Now you all know my love for Brit bands and this is one of them. So what do I think?

I like it. For those of you who don't know much about Keane, they don't have any guitars in their band. This could make for a boring album with much of the songs sounding the same, due to lack of instrumental variety. With excellent songwriting, they were able to avoid this on their first album although it did get a bit monotonous by the end.

Not with this album. They may not have guitars, but they have run keyboards and pianos through as many guitar effects pedals as you could think. This has created a very enjoyable sound. It has also given them a lot more variety on this album. They also seem to have more influence from the Radiohead sound this time around. All these things put together make for a good album. I don't think that the songwriting is as strong, but the melody writing is better and catchier.

I like the album and would encourage all of you to go enjoy it for yourselves as well.

Things that make you go...

• It's hot. Really hot (upper 90s and humid). And I don't really like heat. In fact, there isn't any other weather I like less than this. I would rather have anything before this. Obviously excluding natural disasters.
• Would you? I know someone who really wanted to do something. He didn't have a purpose behind it, except wanting to. This action of his caused others to be inconvenienced. He knew that others would be inconvenienced. He still did want he wanted without regard for others, only thinking of himself and what he wanted. Although I strive not to, I am sure that I have done things like this. Hopefully we all can continue to grow think less of ourselves and more of others.
• I saw Cars over the weekend. It was hilarious, pee-my-pants hilarious. Anyway, a very enjoyable movie which was definitely worth it.
• I also saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2. Good stuff. A middle movie to be sure, but it was still entertaining.

What Can Be Done?

What can be done
For the murderous race we’ve become
What have we done
Hands drip with fellow man’s blood
Why do you wait?
Come quickly Lord and change us!
Make us different, Make us different
Make us instruments of peace
to play at your door
No more murder.

Turn out hateful hearts toward love
Let Your mercy cover us
Give us humble hearts O God
The grace to love as you have loved

To love enemies
and our neighbors as you’ve said
What can be done?
What have we done?

Babies unborn silent screams
Electric chairs and M-sixteens
Our hurtful, hateful words,
Our jealousy, our selfish greed
Make us peacemakers, not murderers
Make us peacemakers, not murderers

What can be done? (Lay down your guns)
What have we done? (Lay down your words)
What can be done? (Lay down your thoughts)
What have we done? (Lift up your hearts)

Make us different, Make us different
-CD, BF, JB

Cacophony of Horrors

I don't know how many of you have been following the news recently, but there has been a lot going on the Middle East. First some guerrillas from Lebanon attacked Israeli soldiers and then Israel fought back by blowing up anything and everything and even hitting some Palestinian targets.

This is just such a mess. There is so much hatred and violence there. So much death. In many ways, it is heartbreaking. And nobody does anything. We just let them fight it out. The US has decided to side with Israel many of these times, and so we don't always think about the horrible things that the Israelis do to the Palestinians.

Both sides need to chill and people needs to stop taking ideological sides. Maybe then, everything will calm down and talking can happen. I don't know, it is just something that has really saddened me over the past couple of days.

How Little is the Little Book

Recently I have been reading a book entitled Pocket Guide to the Bible. So what did I think about it?

First off, Jason Boyett is a very funny writer. He throws in all kinds of quirky little comments to keep you off guard and chuckling. Now about the book. It starts off with a Biblicabulary before moving into a review of the cast of characters. I had a rough time with these couple chapters because the reading was very choppy. I couldn't get into a rhythm. After this, the book moves into a review of the Bible's storyline and then into a history of the Bible and its versions, ending with a bunch of lists. Once I got past the first couple chapters I started to really enjoy the book. It moved along well.

For a person who reads the Bible, there may not be a lot of new information here, which can contribute to it being a little less interesting. But besides that I enjoyed the read. The humor was the positive. The choppiness of the read was really the only negative. I wouldn't say that it was an awesome book, but it was decent. So if you want to read a book that contains the word bazongas, this is the one.

What's the Use in Worrying

Why do people worry? Why do I worry? I don't know. I realize that it is pretty pointless to worry and yet at times, I still do. We all have those things that we worry about. Some may be simple like whether or not something will happen. Other may be larger questions of life's goals, relationships, money.

There is always something that could be worried about, but is there ever something that should be worried about? I don't think that there is. Why? Mainly because it doesn't accomplish anything positive. All that it does is make us depressed and nervous and very likely have the same affect on those around us.

Life is gonna happen whether we want it to or not. The only thing that may change that is if we act. Worrying is not an action. Action is what creates things and opportunities.

Likes

I like hugs. I like to give hugs; I like to receive hugs. Hugs are a good thing. And although many people that know me may not guess it, I am a huggy person. They mean something to me.

I like women. It is especially nice when I get to interact with single women. It is just something that gets my blood flowing.

I like marriage. Especially when two friends of mine get married. They are good for each other and make an excellent couple. Congrats to them.

I like soccer. I like the World Cup. Good job and a clap of the hands to Italy for winning the tourney and being World Champions even with their home league in shambles due to a scandal.

I like music. It moves me. I can listen to a song and no matter who wrote it, I can be moved to worship by the music.

Do you pick your nose?

Do you ever wonder if you are annoying to people? Or what your annoying traits are? What about if you smell or have a disgusting habit? I have been noticing lately that there are so many things that we talk about with other people, but won't tell the person whom we are referring to.

Now I think that this comes from wanting to not hurt the person so we choose not to say anything. I know I figure many times that it isn't worth saying anything, because I should just deal with it. But in doing all of the honest, I am not being honest. And in not being honest, I am not doing the most that I can to promote a feeling of realness and openness to my friends. Then I wonder why they aren't always open with me.

Now should we go around telling everyone anything and everything that annoys us or that they do wrong? No, there is a line there, but a little more honesty probably wouldn't hurt anyone and may even improve each other.

So I wonder if I have annoying traits or disgusting habits that people don't tell me...Nah.

I Lied

A couple days back, I was leaving the mall. A car came up beside me and a guy asked me if I had money. He said that he was on empty and didn't have any cash. He could write me a check in exchange for the cash. After I listened and told him that I didn't have any cash on me. I did, though.

Why did I do this? He could have been giving me a line, yes, but does that matter? Can I not spare $5 out of my pocket to give to him and help him out? I would bet that he wasn't lying. I don't know why I did it and I knew it was wrong. Even if I didn't see the money again, I could have gladly given him a couple of bucks.

I have been noticing lately how many Americans are extremely attached to their money. Like it is their favorite child. I am disappointed at this mindset. Then I find out that I have the same mindset. Maybe one day I'll learn.

The 15th Wheel

Last night I was at a cookout with a bunch of my friends. These were the types of people that were there throughout the night. Three dating couples, one engaged couple, one married couple with two young girls and me. That just sucks. Don't get me wrong, I love to be around these people and I had fun, but still it can just be a bit hard sometime.

To be the only single adult there. Even if nothing is explicitly said, the facts are still there and the facts usually bother me when it comes to things like this. I would say that it is hard being around all that cheese, but it wouldn't be true or honest.

Where am I in this whole thing? This whole dating world. I am nowhere. I am in limbo land. Mainly because I am going to Germany in 4 weeks. But yet I have been in limbo land for the past several years and I have no excuse for that. Now I am not worried about this state that I am in. Most of the time, I greatly enjoy my singleness. But there are just those times that it just gets to me. The older I get, the less single people I am around. I will just have to get used to that fact.

The Choices We Make

All through life we have choices to make. Some are easy, some aren't, but most affect what and whom we become. I have been out of college for 7 years now. There have been many things that I have done from living in the DC area to working for the Navy to being a professional job seeker.
Why have I made the choices that I have made? It has not been for career. If I made choices for career, I would have been all about work and now be pulling in 6 digits a year. There are some people like that whom I work with. All they do is work and that work gives them a lot of money which they use to buy their pleasure.

I on the other hand have gone the opposite way. Every job that I haven't gotten since college, my salary has decreased. Pretty impressive, eh. But I have been incredibly involved in life. Whether it is friends or church or many other things, I greatly enjoy life and all the things it provides.

Is this better than the work way of obtaining pleasure? I don't know. For me...I think that it is. For others, it may not be, but this I know for sure. My choices define who I am and who I will become.

Interesting Picture

Let's Talk about Faith

Why do we expect others to act in ways that we don't act? I want people to treat me with a certain kindness and I don't always treat them with that same kindness. A double standard incriminating ourselves.

Or how about when we expect people to take risks (quitting a job, moving to a new area, etc.) or make decisions that we would never make. We don't have the stuff to make those decisions, but others should. How can I judge them for something I don't even have figured out? How can I judge, period.

I think that I need to start concerning myself with myself rather than with others.

Oh, Canada

I spent the last week in Winnipeg, Canada. It was a wonderfully enjoyable time. The weather was beautiful with highs around 75 and sunny skies all week. The mosquitoes were horrible and I wasn't even near water. It was nice to be away from work and it was the farthest that I have been outside of the good ole USA.

I love starting new relationships. Meeting people that you are around all of the time for an entire week. I got to know some people very well. These are people that could have a large impact on my life over the next couple of years. It is really nice to connect with people. As always in a group of 15 or so, there are always a small number of people that you just fit very well with.

Even though I have only known them for a week, I miss them. I didn't want to leave them when our time was up. Be thankful for the relationships that you have. Enjoy putting everything into and pulling everything out of them that you can. I have found that they really bless me.

Screeching Weasel

I have not been as joyous as I usually am over the past couple of days. I was trying to figure out why and could not point to anything specific to identify it. It's all in my head. Whether it's old problems that resurface every once in a while or it's struggles that rear there ugly head, it just seems that at random times these things strike me.

I was wondering why our heads get in our way sometimes. Even though nothing happens, we just start thinking of things. It must be the slightest of occurrences that remind us of the things we wish not to remind ourselves of.

Who knows, just thinking...

Anyway, I am doing fine and have an exciting week ahead. I am heading to Canada to get orientated on Germany. It is all next week so I don't expect to have access to this blog. See ya soon.

What Have We Become?

Innocent
Unscarred, Unhurt, Uncorrupted
Completely trusting and reliant
Still soft - not beaten by the cold, wind or rain
Completely comfortable in her own skin
Not picky or judgmental
Not afraid to express her true self even if it may not be popular

Guilty
We break, hurt, scar, offend
We don't trust, ask for help
We are unforgiving, picky and judgmental
We are scared of showing each other who we really are

Is there any of her left in us?

A-Grinning All Day

I found out the most wonderful news this morning. I have another niece. Autumn Faith was born at 12.30 am to my brother and sister-in-law. She is 7 lbs and 19 inches long.

If only I had a picture. Since I found out this morning, I have been grinning all day. It makes me very happy. Now I will have two nieces to have some fun with.

There is just something about the birth of a child that is just so wonderful. Something to celebrate and enjoy. So congrats to my bro and sis-in-law for the successful birthing of another baby.

Reflections of a Graduation Weekend

1. Congrats to my sister who graduated high school!!
2. This is where she is going next year
3. I like crab
4. Good graduation speeches make a point quickly without a lot of flair and fluff
5. It is nice to have a relaxing weekend where you can calm yourself
6. Ever notice how some people are extremely intimidating in their actions even if they don't mean it?
7. Luggage is useful when planning a trip
8. Busch Gardens Williamsburg is a beautiful park
9. Alpengeist may be my favorite roller coaster ever
10. Williamsburg can be a bit rainy
11. The only good campsites around Williamsburg are KOAs
12. Lots of fun tripping with the sis to VA
13. I like WAWA
14. Mmm, hoagies
15. It's a shame when you don't feel well on your big day
16. Lochness Monster coaster is a sweet ride
17. I like Irish music
18. German women ain't too bad either :-)
19. I tried to teach my niece how to stick her tongue out, but she's not quite old enough for that one
20. The US is horrible this World Cup
21. 3-nil to the Czechs would not be a respectable score
22. Let's hope they can at least get one point this World Cup
23. Cheers!

It Has Started!!

The World Cup is upon us. The biggest sporting event in the world started just a bit ago. I love soccer and will enjoy catching some games over the next month. It will be fun and I shall root with passion. I will be rooting hard for the USA even though certain people almost always root against the USA.

I will also be pulling for the home country Germany. Either I will greatly enjoy myself watching some good ballwork and goal scoring. So who will win you ask? Here are my thoughts. I have narrowed it down to three teams: the Dutch, Holland or the Netherlands. Those are my picks. I think that there are a few teams that could do it though. Brazil is the favorite, but England, Argentina, Portugal and France all have a good shot. I just think with Holland's youth and skill, they will be able to pull off the run.

I also hope that the US is able to make it out of group play, although with their current form, team and group, that may not happen. Oh well, watch some soccer and root for a team because there are a billion people watching with you.

Great Expectations

After 3 days of being locked out of Blogger, it looks like it will finally let me post. Yippee.

Expectations: Why do we have them? Is there a purpose to them?

I have been thinking about expectations for the last while and wonder if they have anything positive in them. It seems like you build an expectation and then are let down or disappointed. Is there a good reason to create expectations? If we didn't create expectations, there wouldn't be a chance for disappointment.

Wouldn't it be better to just not have expectations? Think about it. You would always have your expectations exceeded because there are none. You couldn't be disappointed because you aren't expecting anything. Thoughts?

Reflections of a Pedestrian Weekend

1. Dunkin' Donuts coffee
2. X-men: The Last Stand was a good movie
3. It had lots of action and was afraid to twist the plot
4. I am glad that I can enjoy almost any movie; it makes movie-watching much easier and less critical
5. Unpack here, there and everywhere
6. Do you like beans?
7. It's hard to move when you aren't packed
8. Lapping the field except for one guy, oh yeah
9. Gummy bears stick to most anything
10. It hurts when my friends hurt
11. It was a nice and cool weekend
12. A documentary I would like to see
13. Surprises come from unexpected places
14. Grease is fun to watch
15. Nosepicker of the Year
16. Not sure why I was given that award by my church's youth pastor
17. Jon Miller and Joe Morgan are awesome
18. Rain threatens
19. I like going for walks in the rain...most people do not

Busy Bee

I tend to keep very busy. I always seem to be heading somewhere or doing something. Why? I am not sure of all the reasons, but one is that I genuinely like to be busy. I enjoy running everywhere and doing a bunch of things. It is very enjoyable to hang with many different types of people in many different places.

A less than visible reason for staying busy? It keeps me from being lonely. I have wanted to be in a relationship for a while, but it just hasn't happened. When life slows down, my mind gets some time to think. Then I start contemplating what I don't have and start to realize how much I miss female companionship. I don't have time to miss anything when I am busy. So what is the solution...

Well, the easy one now is to stay busy.

Why, Oh Why Do I?

Lately I have been noticing that I seem to make the same mistakes over and over again. This little bit is amazing to me. You would think that after I do something and it bites me, that I would learn and stop doing it. But no, the next time comes along and I make the same stupid mistake.

I am fairly certain that I am not the only one in this boat. Why do we do such things. Mistakes that are in no way beneficial to us and many times end up hurting us. I wish I could just learn after messing up once. That would be nice.

Man, I get on my nerves sometimes.

I never know what to say

The workplace has been a little changed today. One of the employees died unexpectedly over the weekend. Death is always so hard to deal with. It is so hard to comfort people.

Everything must change
There's a mirror showing me the ugly truth
These bones they ache with holy fire
But I've got nothing to give, just a life to live
If your world is without colour
I will carry you, if you carry me

Every little thing's gonna be alright
Every little thing's gonna be alright

There's no-one else to blame
I live my life between the fire and the flame
I've built my house where the ocean meets the land
It's time to live again, pull my dreams out of the sand
Let your world be full of colour
I will carry you, if you carry me

When it's all falling down on you
You're crying out but you're breaking in two
When it's all crashing down on you
When there's nothing you can do
There is someone who can carry you
-delirious

Reflections of a Sweltering Weekend

1. Why doesn't the US like soccer more?
2. It was stinking hot this weekend
3. I don't like to move
4. Part of that is not liking packing
5. It all somehow got done; not necessarily the best, but done
6. I like baseball even when my Orioles aren't doing the best
7. I like sleep
8. I don't like when I don't get much
9. Gifford Pinchot State park is nice
10. Even though I don't like moving, it went as well as it could have
11. I try to be a thankful person
12. Nothing like crashing
13. Fever Pitch has some really cheesy graphics in it
14. Reading and listening to music...doesn't get much better
15. Frontline was good
16. I was a mailman on Sunday
17. I like The Silver Diner
18. I don't like to clean
19. Not many cds at Circuit City for their $9.99 sale
20. Beuller, Beuller
21. Purveyor's Anonymous, a new group for people in over their heads

If you didn't know...

I have been talking about Germany for the past couple of months, but I don't know if I have stated specifically what I am doing. I applied to the Black Forest Academy in Kandern, Germany and was accepted to be a resident assistant there. I will live in a house with high school kids whose parents are missionaries. I will help them live life and grow in life, faith and maturity.

I am leaving for Germany at the beginning of August and going for 2 years. They are not paying me any salary so I have to raise my own support for this opportunity. If any of you are interested in supporting me, just go here and you can find all the information you need. My support letter is there with more information and the pledge form for support pledges is also there. Thanks.

I don't like Walmart

I currently trying to describe if the word 'hate' is too strong for how I feel about Walmart or just about right. Either way, I greatly despise Walmart. Many people ask, 'Why? How can you hate such a wonderful store?' It is easy I tell you, easy.

First off, let's just start with the basics. The aisles are too crowded, there are never enough cashiers and traffic around a Walmart is always horrible. These are the surface reasons why I don't like Walmart.

Why else you ask? I'll be glad to tell you. They kill Mom&Pop stores. They come in to an area and undercut the businesses with prices that aren't even possible for them to make a profit on. They cut some prices low to get you in the store and then you spend another $40 you weren't planning to. They treat their employees horribly, whether it be benefits or salary. They low-ball their suppliers too. If you want to carry something in a Walmart, you have to bend over and say, 'Thank you sir; may I have another?' They don't run by honest, ethical or moral business practices.

That's just the start of why I can't stand Walmart.

Do you like change?

I was talking with a group of guys on Sunday and 5 out of 6 of us were moving somewhere by August. Whether it was moving to a different house, or moving to a different state or different country, we were all moving. I was amazed at how much change was being experienced by just the few of us.

Some people like change, some people hate it. There are those that will be happy for the rest of their lives if they don't move or change their jobs again. There are others that want to try a new city or job every few years. Ritual, tradition, progression, invention. All different words that have to do with this thing called change.

Which is right? Is there a right? I don't think that either extreme is right, but I do think that we all need to be in the middle. Sometimes change is good, sometimes it isn't. I think that we need to be open to both sides of change. Whether it is going to a different country to make a difference there; or staying in the place you are so that you can continue to help the people that you are already affecting.

Unions

A local school district's teachers' union is striking right now. They have decided that 9% guaranteed pay raise of two years and paying a couple bucks a month for insurance is not enough. If only they knew what the real world had to deal with. People work for businesses and hope to get a raise and maybe even near 3% but nowhere near 5. And don't even mention the hundreds of dollars a month paying for their health insurance.

Nope, unions just go around being incredibly greedy and making unrealistic demands. The demands that the teachers are making, if accepted, will cause a raise in local taxes. That will make people really happy. I don't think that unions really serve any positive purpose anymore. When workers were treated horribly and not paid well, there was an issue, but no more. Now due to unions, a person can work in a car assembly plant as an assembly line worker and within 10 years be making 6 digits and not paying a dime for medical insurance. That is ridiculous.

So, DEATH TO UNIONS!!!

The List

1. It's always nice to see the fam
2. I never thought that there would be 5 different food options in 1 strip of a strip mall
3. Coldplay - Live 2003...good stuff
4. Where, oh where to buy a carry-on?
5. I don't like headaches
6. The start of the distribution occurred on Saturday
7. It stinks to watch a horse suffer an horrific injury during a race
8. I hope that Barbaro will be okay
9. Anyone want a couch
10. The DaVinci Code was okay
11. Tom Hanks was not
12. The book was more propagandist that the movie
13. What's a good German language learning book?
14. Open up the floodgates...oh crap
15. Baseball, Sundays, naps, ahhh
16. I stink at basketball, but I can make a layup
17. High school guys can be quite the pranksters
18. It's a date
19.

A Code of Crap?

There has been a lot of controversy hovering over Dan Brown's The DaVinci Code. With the movie coming out, I decided to read it. So I borrowed it from one of my friends and started reading away.

So what did I think? Well first off, let me just tell you that I could not put the book down. It was exciting, enthralling and made you want to skip ahead to find out what happened. It is a very well written book and keep you on the edge of your seat.

What about the content? The stuff that the book gets into is really just a bunch of crap. He tries to pass it off as believable but really it doesn't have much of a chance. There is a point where conspiracy theories even in a work of fiction pass the realm of believability. This one crossed that line. At one point it feels like an agenda-ridden book for the deifying of the "sacred feminine."

The end left a bit to be desired. It takes you where you don't expect, but I just wasn't satisfied by the ending. It just seemed to die a bit at the end.

Anyway, it was a good read and extremely entertaining. Now about that movie...

Freedom

A few months ago, due to financial reasons, I had to give up my cable. I love cable for basically one reason, ESPN. I love sports and ESPN gives me more than enough coverage of anything I could ever hope for. So it was going to be hard to let it go, but I am very glad that I did.

I have SO much more time now. I don't just have the tv on to have it on. I can read, play my guitar, accomplish chores. It is so nice to not have the tv on all the time. I am definitely healthier for it. Now I am not one of those people that thinks tv is evil. I just have found that it has been better for me to watch less of it. Not none, just less.

A choice that I have not regretted one bit.

As an aside, I could have said that I gave up tv so that I would talk more with people, but I live alone. That would be a little freaky.

Whose will is whom's?

I have been thinking about something lately. How often do you hear the phrases: It's God's will, God wants me to do this, It's God's calling. I have to say that I hear it more than I would really like too. Why? You ask. Because I think it is overused and wrongly used.

Most of the times I here this comment, the person is just looking for some backing of what they WANT to do. So they say that God wants them to do it. They are using (and abusing) God's will to fit their own desires.

This has happened a couple of times recently. People have been wanting to do something for many months and then they tell me that they are going to do it. In doing so...and so their words carry more weight...they tell me that it is something God is leading them to do. What a bunch of bologna. Just admit that you were following your own desires and used the
God card' to give the desires more weight.

I would say that it is most abused in relationships. "God wants me to go out with this person.' God has put us together.' 'I need to do this in the relationship because God wants me to.' So we fall for somebody and no matter how bad the circumstances are or how strange our decision seems, we attach God's will to it rather than admitting that our own romantic feelings are what is actually driving the decision. By using God's will, we prevent serious questions from being asked by our friends and family and it makes us look good because it seems like we are obeying God.

So we use God to placate our wants and desires. That's dangerous turf that I am not sure I would want to venture on. The funny thing...I have done it before and it is wrong. So now I think very carefully and slowly before I attach God's name to a decision of mine.

It is up and running

Not all the bells and whistles are there yet, but my new website is up and running. This will give a running commentary on my life as it relates to my ministry opportunity at the Black Forest Academy in Germany. The website is http://mattingermany.blogspot.com. This blog is in no way going away. It will continue to bring you my strange opining as always.

Reflections of a Tempestuous Weekend

1. Coffee shops are the stuff
2. Is Chinese food really that good?
3. It is nice when you get a good amount of sleep over a weekend
4. Naps and reading while it's raining are nice
5. I love my mom
6. I am moving in two weeks and don't feel too stressed out because I have already started packing
7. I am an unorganized person
8. The Atlanta Bread Company has good soup and a good atmosphere
9. King Kong is a long movie
10. Anybody want a nice, big, soft couch?
11. Is there a point to fasting?
12. Major League Baseball used pink bats yesterday
13. I haven't swung a golf club in a long time
14. Yesterday I found out that I still stink
15. Joe Pesci is and will always be annoying
16. I have decided to read The DaVinci Code
17. It is pretty captivating
18. The weather was pretty rainy and dreary
19. We need the rain, but I don't like the drear
20. Congrats to Liverpool who won the FA Cup final
21. Do you have a stalker?

I Hate Migraines

Last night I had a killer one. Oh the pain. Something I never would wish on anyone, even my worst enemy. I still have a headache from it.

I am right in the midst of putting everything together in preparations of getting ready for Germany and starting to raise support. It is so exciting to have been accepted and have so many new things starting. I am actually in the process of starting a new blog that is specifically devoted to all things Germany. It will be exciting.

I don't like asking for money, but it is something that I am going to have to do. I am putting together a list of people to send my support letter to. Some of the people I know will not be able to give me to support, but that is fine. I still really want to send them the letter. Why? I want them to know what is going on in my life and this exciting time. I just want them to read it. If they decide to do nothing, fine, because it is wonderful just to share with them this thing.

What is Truth?

Today, I had the distinct pleasure of having lunch with my uncle. As tends to happen when we talk, we started to wax philosophical. The topic of truth came up. Now this is a question that I have already been pondering for the last few weeks. So here goes.

Ultimate absolute truth is created by God. God is an impossibility for us to fully and completely understand. Therefore, the truth of God is impossible for us to understand. We can catch glimpses of it and gain some insight into the truth, but ultimately we can never fully grasp it. Any time that we try to define truth, it falls under our own imperfect view.

Therefore what we deem as truth is not necessarily truth, it is our best approximation of truth. And by definition, if it is not completely void of falsehood, it cannot be considered truth. Now read me very carefully here, I do believe in absolute truth. I believe that the God of the universe has provided us this absolute truth. I am just not at all convinced that what we call truth is actually truth, but a murky interpretation of perfect truth.

Some people should not be allowed to procreate

Here is one of them.

Reflections of s Soundly Heard Weekend

1. Eating a meal of 5 or 6 different things from 5 or 6 different countries is strange
2. It is good to laugh
3. Been there, got the t-shirt
4. Sleeping in is wonderful
5. When the unorganized try to organize, it takes a while
6. Weekends are for doing stuff, weeks are for recovering
7. Some people are very skilled songwriters
8. When will it be done?
9. Sometimes people, just need to talk
10. I hope that the DaVinci Code is an interesting book
11. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone tells me something and then doesn't keep their word
12. I don't always keep my word
13. The touch of a woman is a wonderful thing
14. Soccer is fun even if you can't hit the goal
15. Anchorman is a funny movie
16. The new Hershey Chocolate World ride isn't all that I thought it would be, just some flair touches
17. My friends' happiness makes me happy
18. Do I have a personality?

Big Bunch of Bunk

There is a prevailing thought among people today. Especially, those church-type people. The idea that there is one person out there for each of us to marry. It is an idea that really irritates me, because I have never seen any plausible reason to believe. People just say that there is one and never offer any reason for that belief of their's.

Another problem is that it has really screwed up people, especially in the Christian world. The thought goes like this, "I don't have to look around or try to date anyone, because God will drop the person into my lap when the time is right." What a bunch of crap!

So you have all these people waiting around for "the one" and not dating anyone because they don't think the person is "the one." So we make the giant lists of qualities that the one will have and don't get to no anyone without those qualities that we think are so important. Maybe if we dated, we would find out of they are important qualities.

A friend of mine has said before that he thought he could marry pretty much anybody because marriage is so much about waking up every morning and decided to love and live with your spouse. I don't know if that ideal is right either, but it doesn't seem as screwed up as the idea of "the one."

Beauty and Pain

This spring has just been absolutely beautiful weather-wise. Consistent temperatures for the past month and a half or so in the 60s and low 70s and bright sunny skies. I just want to stay outside all the time.

I have been greatly enjoying this, but there has been a downside. We are getting much rain. In fact, combined with the stinky and dry winter we had, we haven't gotten much precipitation in a while. I can remember one good rain over the last two months. This makes for beautiful days but brings consequences with it of drought and water shortages and many other things.

How many beautiful things have a dark side to them. This is one example of countless numbers. What about people? How many people do we know who seem to have everything, but are trapped in some horrible addiction? Or some horrible pain from their past? I guess appearances are not always what they seem. There is a beauty and darkness to everyone, it's just a matter of whether it's hidden or not.

A Contest?

Okay everyone, I need your help. I am trying to fly from Harrisburg, PA(MDT) to Winnipeg, Manitoba(YWG) on June 19th and come back on June 25th. I need to be there for dinner on the 19th and can't leave before lunch on the 25th.

I have actually never bought a plane ticket. I would like to do this the cheapest way possible. I am looking for any ideas from anyone. Or if you find great deals, just let me know where to go. Any help would be wonderful.

Reflections of a Jazz-filled Weekend

1. Why do women always try to fix men?
2. I saw five jazz groups over the weekend
3. Messiah jazz concert(three jazz groups) was good, not great
4. I do not like Meineke
5. I may never visit one again
6. They screwed up and blamed it on me after causing me a big headache
7. Chelsea won the Premier League by beating Manchester United
8. Wayne Rooney broke his foot and is out for the World Cup, not good for England
9. The West Shore Farmer's Market is your standard farmer's market with lots of fresh stuff
10. Minor League soccer matches should not be expensive
11. It was a beautiful weekend weather-wise
12. City Island in Harrisburg, PA is a nice place
13. Harrisburg also has a nice downtown
14. I heard some really good jazz at a hotel bar
15. I don't really like smoke
16. Cafe Fresco in Harrisburg is quite the swank place
17. What is jazz?
18. When women try to help men understand women(hopeless), men don't need to be told what to do
19. Batting cages are fun
20. Nothing like trying to switchhit when you can't swing lefthanded
21. Even when something causes headaches, it is very rewarding when it comes off exceptionally well
22. To awake is human, to sleep is divine

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY SIS!!!

Things that irk me

There are a couple of things lately that have just really frustrated me. The first one is the IRS. I work as a self-employed consultant last year and found out that they really screw over self-employed people. They seem to have this joy in not telling you that you need to fill out any special forms and then when tax time comes around you find out that you owe a ton of money. Very annoying.

Number two is mechanics and inspections. Garages have this wonderful policy where you have to pay them the inspection price no matter if you pass or fail it. So once they have your car in the shop, they have you and your money captive so you can't leave. And they always find something wrong. I find it very hard to believe that there is always something wrong.

My car has a check engine light that likes to come on every once in a while when it rains hard and then go off in a week or two. Well it decided to visit me this past weekend and now it is going to cost me several hundred dollars to repair a problem that isn't really a problem and there is nothing that I can do about it. I am under the captivity of the garage.

The Days of our Lives

As many of you have picked up on now, I am going through a process right now that may result in me living in Germany for two years working with high school students. It is a chance that I am excited about and that is getting closer and closer to definitely happening.

The chance to live in Europe for two years while do something that I enjoy seems awesome. It could also temporarily solve my job issues. I would be able to have some free time and do many other things that I have yet to experience. Outside of the Canadian side of Niagara Falls, I have never been out of the country. That could all change.

But there are some drawbacks. I have a family that I love very much and yet wouldn't get to see. My sister is just starting her post-high school phase of life and my brother is about to have a second kid. His first is 1.5 years old. I will miss their early years. And of course my parents.

I have a youth small group of sophomore guys that I have worked with for two years. I have leaders that I have gotten to know and really matter to me. They have helped me through some hard times and we have a lot of fun together.

I have friends that I won't get to see. Some that I have know for over a decade and some that I go to football games with. Ones that we've come to rely on each other for support.

There are other things that I would miss. It's a hard opportunity, but a great one. One that would fill me with new experience and change me completely. These are the days we'll remember.

Chornobyl aka Chernobyl

I don't know how many of you know this, but this is the 20th anniversary of the worst nuclear power disaster. At 1.23 this morning, reactor #4 exploded causing radiation to fly into the air and just about everywhere else it could go.

Here are some links with decent explanations and coverage of the disaster.

CNN article

Wikipedia

BBC News

A Life of Enjoyment

I had the opportunity to go to a pretty neat church on Sunday morning. It is up in Albany, New York and it is call the Terranova church. Very cool. It definitely had a modern, artsy feel to it. The worship was rocking, the atmosphere was cool. Just a really neat idea fleshed out. Too bad I don't live there.

I also went to a nice Harrisburg Senators game last evening. It was great. It was a beautiful spring evening and a great time to just chill and watch some ball. I just had a really relaxing time. So if you don't mind baseball, consider going to a minor league game. It's cheap, good and relaxing.

Musings on Death

I had the privilege of attending a memorial service this weekend. It took place in upstate New York and is not one of those events that I enjoy going to. But at the same time, I know the family pretty well and am good friends with a couple of them. It was amazing how much it meant to them, just that I was there. I didn't need to say anything or even do anything. Just be there to support them.

How many other times do our friends need us or just want us there with them through their struggles and we aren't? Either our schedule is too important and we don't feel like it. We figure that they'll be okay, but don't realize that they would much better with us there to support them.

As I was at this memorial service I was thinking about death and how it changes people that are affected by it. Some people get angry at the world, some depressed, some even feel liberated by it. Mostly negative things from the deaths of our loved ones. I was glad to see that the family was just as spunky as usual. The wife who had lost her husband was doing okay. She seemed somewhat happy and fun as usual. She hadn't been changed by that. That's not to say that this family wasn't hurt or affected by the death of their patriarch, just that it wasn't going to define them. To rule them.

Welcome to the Show

Last night I had the pleasure of seeing a concert. Performing at this concert were Brennan Strawn, The Violet Burning, and Kevin Max. Brennan Strawn was a bit strange. His ideas were good, but his vocal meandering really pulled away from the show, not to mention his physical antics. After the first song, I wasn't minding it, but by the end I was ready for him to stop a while ago.

The Violet Burning were up next. They put on a solid rock show. They were tight and entertaining. The music was solid and the banter between the band and the crowd was funny. Musically they were very enjoyable and didn't play long enough.

Kevin Max was last. I was intrigued to hear what he was like since leaving DCTalk. Well, one thing is for sure, his ego has not sunk one bit. I am not even sure that his ego fit in the building last night. He acted like he should be the only thing anyone was paying attention to. When the crowd did not agree with him, he proceeded to bust on the crowd for the rest of the evening. Funny thing though was that he came back out for an encore that wasn't heartily requested by the crowd. Musically his band was solid and although I thought he tried to do too much vocally, the songs were solid and the band was tight.

Possibilities

Have you ever really wanted something? Done everything to get it. And sometimes we still don't know if it will work. I am in that situation right now. I have an opportunity that really excites me and I just hope that it works out, but I am not sure that it will. It is one of those last minute things where there doesn't seem to be enough time. Emails were flying everywhere today trying to figure out information. And a lot was figured out.

You ever wonder what references say about you. I always pick references that I think will speak good of me, but I never know for sure. I want them to be honest, but also speak well of me. Maybe I am just asking too much. I currently have to pick references that I hope will be kind and speak highly of me. It shall be tricky.

If you are probably confused right now and wondering what I am talking about. I have the chance to live in Germany for a couple years as an RA for high school students at Black Forest Academy. We shall see.

Hurt

So I just found out that a friend of mine's dad passed on to a brighter life. And you know what...It Sucks! It hurts and it's not even in my family. I just feel hurt for my friend. It has to just be awful for him. The pain and loss.

It's not fair, yet these things happen every day. To people that I don't know. I don't even bat an eye. Then it hits close and it's different. This ugly thing called cancer. So many medical advances and yet there still isn't much that we can do.

I just am at a loss right now. And the important thing is that I am there for my friend. I don't have advice, I don't know what to say. All I can do is be there. This is the only thing that is in my head right now.

Our God reigns...Forever His kingdom reigns!!

Reflections of a Tenebraic Weekend

1. Under the blood red sky
2. Certain scenes are just chilling to the bones
3. A sound system needs to breathe every once in a while
4. 8am to 11.39pm is a long day
5. Wawa is better than Sheetz
6. I missed the best chocolate milk I have ever had
7. Isn't there something odd about an Amish dude buying chew?
8. Sometimes guys can be talked into work for the dumbest thing
9. The weather was beautiful this weekend
10. I like games
11. The Orioles are over .500
12. Even when you are concentrating on technical things, you can be affected
13. I got all dressed up in a suit for my momma
14. It is nice to see family
15. I like food
16. I had ice cream twice over the weekend; that's almost a quarter of my yearly intake
17. Is there a difference between prophecy and a word from God?
18. Churches need to be places of do's, not of don'ts
19. I hope that my blog isn't depressing
20. Leftovers from big meals are wonderful
21. For the first time ever, I turned in my taxes on the last day possible
22. Some U2 covers are just truly not good
23. I was called an ignorant imbecilic idiot (I think that is redundant)
24. Happy Easter Monday!

Questions

We all know those people. The ones that always have the right answers. The ones that never have any doubt. They don't react positively when you are struggling with your faith and your beliefs. They always give the Sunday school answer. Are they the ones to aspire to be like?

I don't think so. I think that it is not only good to question what you believe, but required. When we ask questions, it makes us look for answers. We dig deep to find out why we believe what we believe and if we should believe. Without asking these questions, our faith would just be a very shallow thing. If we don't question, we are most likely just living by a set of rules that we lived under as a child.

I always want to question, because to question is to grow. I recently heard Donald Miller talk about this same subject. I agree with his conclusion. People that don't question need to grow up and mature. They are just going along as a child and refuse to grow up.

Do you question or just blindly accept? I urge you to question.

Dancing the night away

This past weekend I had the pleasure of seeing the movie Take the Lead. I enjoyed the movie and thought it was quite well done even with Antonio Banderas. When the movie was over, this question was asked, 'Did that put you in the mood to go dance?' I don't think that I actually answered the question then, but I have thought about it.

I enjoy dancing. I did swing for three years while attending college. I have gone dancing a couple of times since college, but not very often. Why? I like to dance with a partner. I got used to this in college and just don't like dancing with a bunch of different girls. I like to get to know one person and being very used to where each of us is going.

I also find dancing to be romantic. It's one thing to just dance with people, but I think that it is something so much more to dance with someone of the significant other type. There is just a specialness about it.

So yeah, I was in the mood to dance, but...

Reflections of a Paper Clip Weekend

1. I drove the ghetto mini-van
2. It's noob not newb, oops
3. I love the movie Gladiator
4. Spending a day and night with a bunch of high school guys is a bit interesting
5. Germany
6. It was frickin' cold on Saturday, a balmy 35
7. I saw rain, sleet and snow all at the same time
8. I really really hate cold showers
9. Why must churches perpetuate the myth of "The ONE" for single people?
10. Take the Lead is a good movie
11. Ultimate frisbee vs Football...
12. Messiah College's concert choir is very good...they were better when I was in it ;-P
13. Is it wise?
14. Burgers and dogs on the grill, not much better
15. Paintball and face shots go together
16. Boxers...
17. 'Holy is the Lord' by Chris Tomlin should not be done choral style
18. Why are musicians such egomaniacs?
19. I helped destroy 3 dvd players yesterday...oops
20. I like doubles volleyball
21. Why is Boiling Springs, PA historic?
22. Kandern, Germany

Proud of ya, sis

Last night I had the chance to see Little Shop of Horrors. It has been a Broadway musical for a while and my sister's high school decided to do it. My sister was one of the Do-wop girls. They did a good job with it. I enjoyed it and even laughed a couple of time. Also the musical is a lot darker than the movie.

A while ago, I had the chance to see my sister again in her high school's all-chicky a capella group. They also did a very good job with all of them having songs and solos. Here's to my sis who has become music singing extraordinaire. Keep doing it and doing it well. You're good with boat loads of talent.

Live in the Moment

A lady named Maggie Dixon was the head coach of the Army women's basketball team. She had worked in the DePaul University women's program for a few years working her way up the ladder. She was offered the Army head coaching job shortly before the season started. For a program that never does anything and is usually bad, she took them to win their conference championship and make the NCAA tournament.

A couple of days ago she collapsed and last night she passed away. She had a heart arrhythmia episode. Oh and I did I mention...she was 28. My age. Wow. There was no warning and no idea that she might have this issue. Just bam, and she was gone.

Here are some well-written articles about this: first, second. There is pain and questioning in their words. I don't have any answers either. I don't understand. This stuff just...well...happens. It sucks.

One of my Favorite Writers

Last night I had the privilege of hearing Donald Miller speak. I thought that he may lecture or talk about a couple points, but he choose rather to do a couple book readings. First he read an article called Tolkien was no hobbit. He took some questions and then read the first chapter of his new book To Own a Dragon.

His delivery in speech is much like his books. Very unassuming, humorous yet thoughtful. He shared many different thoughts while reading, before and after reading. Things that I am still pondering.

One of them was this. Poverty is mentioned in the Bible over 200 times. Homosexuality is mentioned twice(this can be debated due to some inferences, but still not close to 200). I don't believe that we can ignore what the Bible says on anything even once, but what an indictment on the American church. We are very passionate and hear a lot about homosexuality, but rarely poverty.

MySpace Music day

Here is some music to check out. Some are friends, some are places, some are bands I have been referred to.

Athlete
Andy Zipf
Will Pavone
Stephanie Cuomo
Need to Breathe
Bernard

Frontline
The Gathering

Going to hear Donald Miller tonight and am looking forward to it. I also saw some snow on the ground this morning. That was an April surprise.

America's Favorite Pastime?

Baseball's opening day was yesterday and for the 6th straight year the Baltimore Orioles won their opening game. If this follows through the season, this is not a good sign. They haven't had a winning season for 9 years. That's a long time. Since I don't have much hope for them to do anything, I hope that we see someone different in the playoffs and World Series. That's my hope.


Something to think about...
...i stretch out my hands to you; my soul longs for you, as a parched land. answer me quickly, o lord, my spirit fails; do not hide your face from me, or i will become like those who go down to the grave...

Just Not a Talent

News Flash...

I am not good at foosball. I have tried and I usually get my butt handed to me. I even have a person that loves to remind me how horrible I am. And I am pretty bad.

Elsewhere, ever notice how a conversation with a friend can just lift some spirits? I had a person whom was very honest with me today, yet at the same time, caring. It was refreshing and needed. It truly put me in a better mood.

The Final Four has truly been bad with none of the games even close. The championship game is currently a 20 point game. A shame after a great tourney.

Reflections of a Crappy Weekend

This weekend was bad. I don't have a lot of good to say, but rather than just say a bunch of negative things, I'll try to highlight the positive.

1. Cate Blanchett is a good actor
2. I like the youth group at my church
3. The youth leaders really care for each other
4. They really make an effort to ask how I am doing and not forget
5. The differences between men and women are fun
6. Laughter is healthy, I don't do it enough
7. I really consider RE to be a mentor of mine
8. Panels for embarrassing questions are something else

Clarity Sake

I do not in any way want to promote or suggest the use of a banned substance like marijuana. It was just a simple thought as to whether the things we find repulsive are repulsive because they have been portrayed that way or that they are actually horrible.

Odd Question

If it was and has always been legal...

Would you try pot? Why or Why not?

Odd Question

If it was and has always been legal...

Would you try pot?

Almost Forgot

Happy Birthday to my mom who turns...oops, not supposed to reveal that type of information about women.

The Infirmity of a Socialite

I love people. I love to be around people. I love to talk to people. On the other hand, I don't like to be alone. I don't like quiet. Many people are not socialites, including most of my friends. This creates an interesting phenomenon.

I am always calling people to do something or to talk. They could care less if they are doing something with someone. They are just as happy, by themselves, at home. I am not happy by myself at home. So they don't call me. Since I am the one that wants to do something, I usually have to do what they want and hope it is something that I want to do so that I can avoid staying home. If they don't want to do something, they just will enjoy hanging alone and respectfully decline an invitation.

Sometimes I get stubborn and sick of making the contact. When this happens, people don't contact me because they are perfectly content and just don't think about it. This always blows up in my face because I end up miserable since I can't handle being by myself.

So this is my problem. Nobody does anything wrong(maybe I do), it is just the difference between types of people. Maybe I just need to find more friends. Or learn to deal with being alone.

Well, there you go. A glimpse of me. This has been a sharing moment brought to you by the Matt Foundation.

Has Prayer Become an Excuse

Many things happen at church, but one thing that you can guarantee is someone saying to someone else, "I'll pray for you." Now this is a good thing that has shown benefits, but I have a question. Has it become an excuse? Has it become a guilt free release from responsibility?

There are many things that are beyond everyone's control, but there are things that happen that other people can help with: Sell a house, give financial advice, help with a job search, etc. People have problems every day that can be solved by the help of others. This should be one of the great advantages of a church community, but is it?

I don't think so. I think people have stopped wanting to put the effort in of assisting another person. They just say "I'll pray for you" and go on with their lives, glad that they don't have to act. Prayer has become an excuse for no action. Churches need to be places of action. We need to be doing concrete things to help each other. Is prayer a good thing? Yes, but not the only thing.

It is time to act.

Reflections of a Boring Weekend

1. Right in the middle of March Madness...Woohoo!
2. Congrats to the Lady Terps on advancing
3. Heroes of Might and Magic can be addicting
4. Reading is good for the brain
5. I don't like being alone
6. A clean stage is a nice stage
7. Low stress rehearsals are nice
8. I hate not being able to fall asleep
9. Billy Packer is a moron
10. Why are humans so selfish?
11. The offertory on Sunday was a good song
12. Help is always nice
13. I hope that I can get a ticket to see Donald Miller
14. I don't know if I live in a "place of grace"
15. England's daylight savings time started this weekend
16. It's funny when people with no game talk trash
17. Is it wise?
18. The Hotel Rwanda dvd had a commentary from the guy that the story was about, taking you through the movie
19. Very very fascinating.

Competition and Caring

Last night I was watching some of the NCAA basketball tournament. The game had just finished and it was a rough ending with many surprises and an amazing comeback. I personally was hoping that Gonzaga would pull it off and beat UCLA, but alas they choked the game away.

So after the final buzzer sounded, there in the middle of the floor was a player from the losing team face down on the court sobbing. On the other side of the court was the winning team celebrating their comeback and win. One of the players from the winning team saw the Gonzaga player and felt bad enough for him, that he left his celebrating teammates to go over and pick up his opponent.

Even though their teams had spent two hours battling each other, this was about one human seeing another's pain and going to try to help. See even good things can happen in sports.

Oh, and Duke lost.

Why do we take action here but not there?

I recently watched Hotel Rwanda. It takes place in Rwanda in 1994. There was a minority tribe in control and another tribe killed the president and then started a mass genocide. Around 1 million people were killed. It is a very good movie, but not an easy movie. A powerful movie, but a dark and horrible film.

The interesting thing about the movie is how eye opening it was about the west's treatment of the situation. Europe and the US basically just turned their backs on the situation. Mass genocide is happening and the peacekeepers we have in there, we pull out. I was all for going into Iraq and getting Saddam out of power, but then these situations come up in Africa and we just ignore them. That's not right.

Anyway, the movie is a movie of hope also. How people do more than they think they would when facing horrific circumstances. It's a movie that I think everyone should see. Although they could have made the movie graphically violent, they did not. It has a PG-13 rating and although a couple of scenes are shocking, overall it resists going graphic.

This happened over ten years ago, but that doesn't mean that things like this aren't still going on in Africa. Now we have places like Sudan, and many other African countries where atrocities are occurring. You can find information here and here.

Happy Birthday

It's a birthday day today. I just used three 'day's in one sentence. This is also my third post of the day. Don't be freaked out, they're short.

Anyway, it's my dad's birthday today and I hope that he has a happy birthday.

Happy Birthday to you
You live in a zoo...oh wait, that's not the right version

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear dad
Happy Birthday to you!!