1.24.2010

so it is time for a new look

i have never changed the look of this thing. i figured that it was time for a new title and look. also, i believe a new direction. i am not positive on this, but i think that i may move towards the topcis of the journey that we are all on. the highs, the lows, the struggles, the victories.

a bit more reflective, but also maybe still a bit random. i haven't thought this out completely so it may not work, but we shall see what happens.

i do know that the title reflects the ideas that i am trying to show. so stop by every once in a while and maybe something will touch you and bring ideas to you as to ways to walk through the journey together.

1.12.2010

A New Year

sort of forgot about this thing over the holidays, but now that is over and the new year is here, i thought that i would reflect a bit. at the last new year's i knew that 2009 would be a challenge. i was in germany and knew that in june i would be leaving a place that i had lived for three years. i would be stepping back into the world of a beat up economy and joblessness. i didn't know if something would come quick or if it would be a long painful process. i didn't know how transition would be moving back from a foreign country to the one of my birth. well how has it been? in two words...

it sucks.

germany ended up grandly with me enjoying it more than i had. then i came back to the states. it seemed that everything has crashed and burned since. it is january now and all i have managed is to scrape together a 15 hour a week part time job. i have been on many interviews and application processes and it has led to a big naught.

the transition back has been what i expected it to be, but without a very important part. community. i expected that i would have after 7 months developed a starting group of friends but there is a big nothing through. transition really sucks without walking through it with others.

i feel like i have been utterly abandoned. for all the times of my life this seems like it has been the worst. there are very few bright spots and life is hard and vastly unrewarding. i can't believe that i have been asked to do this alone. that is not the way it was meant to be.

i know that most of my 1.5 readership does not want to read this, but i am sick of being fake to people who expect me to give the fake answers. sometimes i just need to be real in my answers. so move on and know that this will not be a continuing aspect of this site.

i do need to be grateful for some things. i do have a roof over my head, my family still loves and cares for me. i still have my health. but that doesn't change my situation and the abandonment that i feel.