2.24.2010

cynicism

Conan O'Brien, on the last night of his show, before NBC kicked him out made this quote.

"All I ask of you, especially young people...is one thing. Please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism; it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you, amazing things will happen."

I have been thinking a lot about this. Why? Primarily because in many ways, i am a cynic. I don't like to label myself that way, but it is true. I am. I tend to look through cynical eyes. Not really at the world that I directly interact with, but the larger world out there. So while I am not cynical towards the people that i know, I can be very cynical towards government and media and many of those larger groups.

And on top of that, for the most part, I agree with Conan. I think that he is right. Cynicism does not lead anywhere. It only traps us in a spiral of dis-enjoyment. In the worse case, it just leads to apathy. Now while I am no where near apathetic, I do see that in myself every once in a while.

So how do I change? What steps can I take towards being less cynical? I am not sure, but I am sure that acknowledging it is a good step into the process. So we shall see where it goes.

2.15.2010

walking on sunshine

today is one of those days where i am reminded of my relationary status or shall we say, lack of relationary status. it is something that i don't usually dwell on but at the same time don't enjoy. i am in my thirties and have walked through a good portion of my adult life alone.

it is harder than i wish it was, but at the same time i have done things that i am pretty sure i would not have done if i was married. i always thought that i would be married pretty close to after college, but that has not happened.

so when will i 'walk on sunshine'? will it ever happen? i don't know, maybe it will, maybe it won't. i do know that i have a great desire for it to happen. but that doesn't really count or matter in the games of love. it seems that this is one area of life that you can't make things happen. you can help yourself, but many other factors are there too.

i will continue to walk. hopefully in a direction and in a somewhat forward direction. and soon i hope to walk with another through this life.

2.04.2010

there's no other place

that i'd rather be, than safe in the arms, the arms of my saviour.

so what do you think about that? in the good times we would all say yes. in the bad times? is that really where we think it is best or is that just our sunday school heads talking? i know that i am not sure that is where i want to be right now. there seems to be a lot of frustration there. now i know that he can take it, but i am not sure that i want to be there or can take that dialog. that doesn't feel like a very relxaing place to be right now.

but...

am i there anyway? did i make a decision a while ago to always be there? maybe he doesn't want me to be anywhere else. so whether or not i at any moment feel like i want to be there, he is so glad that i am there. there just seem to be two points of view to look at this from. either way, i know that it makes my head spin.