10.14.2010

Circumstantial Relationships

let's suppose that you are in a relationship. that could be a friendship or dating or even familial relationship. you are close with this other person and you talk all the time and care for each other. one day life takes a drastic turn for you. it turns hard and things get bad. maybe you lose your job , a family member gets sick or dies. maybe you break up with your fiance or you yourself get really sick.

through all of this your friend has done nothing but be there for you and care for you. they haven't always known what to say, but they have loved you. but you decide that you don't like them anymore or maybe you just don't know how to feel about them. so you pull away from the relationship. this person has done nothing to you, but your circumstances have caused you to react in this way.

crazy isn't it.

isn't that what we do with God?

isn't that what i do with God?

my circumstances have changed. they have gotten hard. there is no one to blame it on, but as humans i think we always want to know where to put the blame. so we put the blame on our relationship. we pull back. God has done nothing but love us and care for us, but because of our circumstances, we become apathetic. we hurt a relationship based entirely on our circumstances.

the crazy thing about this. now we have done something to the relationship. we have hurt it. we have caused hurt to one who love and cares for us. and you know what he does...

...continues to love and care for us.

10.03.2010

Back to the Future

let's go back to mid 2004. i had recently ended my job after they were forcing me to move to philly and change my job function. i had strong ties to my church and was really involved and making a difference. therefore i decided to stay in harrisburg.

in spring 2005 i got a three month part time consulting job. in fall 2005 i got a temp job that lasted until germany.

fast forward three years and i am back from germany. no employment until december 2009 and that is only part time which is currently yielding about 4 hours a week.

that's three years of three part time jobs. now not to discount germany because it changed my life, but i have tried to live respectfully and follow where i believe i am led.

i just can't do this. multiple job rejections a week and lack of steady employment. i don't know how to deal with so much hardship. and continual feelings of being let down. i'm broken and struggling with no encouragement and what feels like abandonment.

ugh. here i am in the future and the past doesn't have much hope.