Can any of us answer that question? Maybe some people have experienced it. Others maybe never have. We should love each other, but what does that really mean. There is romantic love, there is love of a family. There is love amongst friends.
What does it all mean? How do each of these things present themselves in daily life? What if you haven't experienced one of these things? Does that mean that you have yet to fully understand love? I don't feel like I understand love. It seems complicated and chocked with expectation and let-down.
What happens when we don't feel love? That seems like the big question and I think it causes us to act differently.
I just am not sure what all this is about. I try, but I don't necessarily understand what I am trying. Maybe one day I will. It just feels like a void now.
Man, am I glad that there is grace.
2.15.2007
2.07.2007
Who was that?
I think that it is amazing how things are connected in our minds. We see something or hear something and a situation or person comes to mind. More specifically for this instance is movies. Recently I watched 'Newsies' I have not seen that movie in a while and remembered that I enjoyed. Little did I know that while watching it I would be reminded of a certain person from my past. It sent me down memory lane remembering things that happened and lovely events that occurred with an old friend.
Other movies do that too. 'A Beautiful Mind', 'Braveheart', 'Tombstone' All of these were seen with people that I fondly remember. A nice bit of nostalgia on a February evening.
Other movies do that too. 'A Beautiful Mind', 'Braveheart', 'Tombstone' All of these were seen with people that I fondly remember. A nice bit of nostalgia on a February evening.
2.05.2007
Yuk
Goodbyes...I hate them, but they are necessary. You need that closure with all of this stuff. Especially when you work with someone in an emotionally stress-filled state. Why do people create deeper relationships in stress-filled places. We hear stories of people that fought in wars by each other and the bond that is created. Maybe it is because we rely more on others in those hard times. I don't know.
In other news, man, I don't like the Colts. I really really don't like them. I am also totally sick of Peyton Manning. Maybe now that they won the Super Bowl, I will stop hearing about Peyton all the time and how perfect he is. It was a bad game last night and I am not sure that it was worth staying up till 4.30 am for the game. I am feeling it today.
In other news, man, I don't like the Colts. I really really don't like them. I am also totally sick of Peyton Manning. Maybe now that they won the Super Bowl, I will stop hearing about Peyton all the time and how perfect he is. It was a bad game last night and I am not sure that it was worth staying up till 4.30 am for the game. I am feeling it today.
2.03.2007
Pain
I have been reading about pain lately. How we view it as a problem but in many ways it is a great blessing. It lets us know if our body is not okay. If our hand gets hot we pull it away from fire and don't get burned. If we cut ourselves, it hurts so we helped to heal it. Did you know why we blink? Because there are tiny pain receptacles that tell us that our eyes are dry.
Without these things, we have infections, blindness and many more problems. But yet we hate pain. I know that I don't like it, but I have to admit that I have never thought of it as a good thing.
So if physical pain is a blessing, is emotional pain good? I don't know, but it is hard. What about emotional pain could be good? Currently I can only think of one thing. Emotional pain means that I can feel. I can't imagine not being able to feel. It is feeling that is such a big part of my humanity. But are there are good things to emotional pain?
Without these things, we have infections, blindness and many more problems. But yet we hate pain. I know that I don't like it, but I have to admit that I have never thought of it as a good thing.
So if physical pain is a blessing, is emotional pain good? I don't know, but it is hard. What about emotional pain could be good? Currently I can only think of one thing. Emotional pain means that I can feel. I can't imagine not being able to feel. It is feeling that is such a big part of my humanity. But are there are good things to emotional pain?
1.31.2007
It has been a while
Man, have I been busy. I haven't had time to write emails or to blog. Right now I am blogging and neglecting emails. Oh my.
Anyway, most of you know that I am in Germany. I have been here for the last half year or so. Recently, there was a situation at home which involved the death of a relative. This was a very difficult thing for me. I was all the way over here and my family needed support. I wasn't able to be there it give it to them. That is a really hard thing.
I really love my family and want to help them however I can and when they are hurting and I can't do anything, it is helpless. I don't like feeling helpless. I think they have made it through, but that was tough and I still wish I could have helped.
Anyway, most of you know that I am in Germany. I have been here for the last half year or so. Recently, there was a situation at home which involved the death of a relative. This was a very difficult thing for me. I was all the way over here and my family needed support. I wasn't able to be there it give it to them. That is a really hard thing.
I really love my family and want to help them however I can and when they are hurting and I can't do anything, it is helpless. I don't like feeling helpless. I think they have made it through, but that was tough and I still wish I could have helped.
1.19.2007
I am a Pacifist
I think. Actually I am not sure, but it is the closest that I have been to one yet in my life. I just have run out of reasons where violence is justified as the solution. I don't see how violence promotes peace. The only way it does that seems to be by fear.
It seems like we continue to waste time and money in Iraq. Do you know that the US has spent around 1 trillion dollars on the war? Couldn't that money have been better used giving the world clean water, food, housing, and preventative health care? We would still probably have a lot left over. Maybe we should sink money into people, not weapons. Maybe, but I don't know.
Now don't get to concerned. I will still support the military and government even if I don't agree with it. I also feel that is something that shouldn't change. The government just brings up a lot of questions in my mind. I just think that it would be hard for people to hate us if we gave them food and water.
But again, I don't know
It seems like we continue to waste time and money in Iraq. Do you know that the US has spent around 1 trillion dollars on the war? Couldn't that money have been better used giving the world clean water, food, housing, and preventative health care? We would still probably have a lot left over. Maybe we should sink money into people, not weapons. Maybe, but I don't know.
Now don't get to concerned. I will still support the military and government even if I don't agree with it. I also feel that is something that shouldn't change. The government just brings up a lot of questions in my mind. I just think that it would be hard for people to hate us if we gave them food and water.
But again, I don't know
1.15.2007
I have a dream
I was trying to decide whether or not to post this, but I am going to. Here is the whole 'I have a dream' speech from Martin Luther King, Jr. It is an amazing speech and I think that it is worth reading the whole thing every once in a while
"I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.
Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.
But 100 years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.
In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men - yes, black men as well as white men - would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check that has come back marked "insufficient funds."
But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and security of justice. We have also come to his hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.
It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end but a beginning. Those who hoped that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.
But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.
And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating "for whites only." We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no we are not satisfied and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.
I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.
Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.
Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today my friends - so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression,will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification - one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.
This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
This will be the day, this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning "My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my father's died, land of the Pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring!"
And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.
Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado. Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.
But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi - from every mountainside.
Let freedom ring. And when this happens, and when we allow freedom ring - when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children - black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics - will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual: "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!""
"I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.
Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.
But 100 years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.
In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men - yes, black men as well as white men - would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check that has come back marked "insufficient funds."
But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and security of justice. We have also come to his hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.
It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end but a beginning. Those who hoped that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.
But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.
And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating "for whites only." We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no we are not satisfied and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.
I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.
Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.
Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today my friends - so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression,will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification - one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.
This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
This will be the day, this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning "My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my father's died, land of the Pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring!"
And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.
Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado. Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.
But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi - from every mountainside.
Let freedom ring. And when this happens, and when we allow freedom ring - when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children - black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics - will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual: "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!""
1.12.2007
I wish I knew how to skate
Okay, let me set this situation up for you. It is a cool, crisp evening and we have just driven into Basel, Switzerland. The night is clear and we walk up to an ice skating rink. Lights and ice with the city of Basel in the background along with nice music.
Man, I wish I knew how to skate. Let me reword that. Man, I wish that every time that I went out to skate, I didn't come perilously close to killing myself and then regretting the decision to attempt ice skating for the next month while I heal. That is how bad I am. But the situation was so perfect. Oh well, it just isn't something that works out for me.
And wouldn't it be so much more perfect to have a special someone to share the night of skating with. One of those...Basel in the background, nice warm woman in the foreground...
Okay, Okay, I'll wake up from dreamland.
Man, I wish I knew how to skate. Let me reword that. Man, I wish that every time that I went out to skate, I didn't come perilously close to killing myself and then regretting the decision to attempt ice skating for the next month while I heal. That is how bad I am. But the situation was so perfect. Oh well, it just isn't something that works out for me.
And wouldn't it be so much more perfect to have a special someone to share the night of skating with. One of those...Basel in the background, nice warm woman in the foreground...
Okay, Okay, I'll wake up from dreamland.
1.11.2007
What would it be like?
Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
Nowhere below us
Above only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
-John Lennon
It's easy if you try
Nowhere below us
Above only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
-John Lennon
1.09.2007
Do you receive love
I have been thinking about this. I wonder if I know how to receive love. Do I think that I am worthy of being loved? What is love? How is it manifested?
A bunch of questions. Some I think that I know the answers to and others I have no idea. What makes one receive love or not receive? Does it depend on how you view yourself? I know that I always don't have the best view of myself so it makes it hard for me to believe that others value me. Not always true, but definitely true some of the time.
I say that I am just analytical and want to make myself better, but I do go too far sometimes. So why? I don't know. I am thinking about it though. Many questions not many answers.
A bunch of questions. Some I think that I know the answers to and others I have no idea. What makes one receive love or not receive? Does it depend on how you view yourself? I know that I always don't have the best view of myself so it makes it hard for me to believe that others value me. Not always true, but definitely true some of the time.
I say that I am just analytical and want to make myself better, but I do go too far sometimes. So why? I don't know. I am thinking about it though. Many questions not many answers.
1.05.2007
Sometime it just...
The last three weeks have been sucky. The things that I have done haven't been bad. It just has been a band time. Interpersonally it has been hard. Holidays away from everything and everyone that I know has been really hard.
But beyond that it just hasn't been good. There has been conflict and uncomfortable interactions. I don't know if it has been me or there actually is tension, but it seems like there is tension everywhere. It has caused a yucky three weeks in many ways. I don't really know how to put into words how I am feeling, but this is an attempt.
Why can't we just be perfect?
Ugh.
But beyond that it just hasn't been good. There has been conflict and uncomfortable interactions. I don't know if it has been me or there actually is tension, but it seems like there is tension everywhere. It has caused a yucky three weeks in many ways. I don't really know how to put into words how I am feeling, but this is an attempt.
Why can't we just be perfect?
Ugh.
12.30.2006
Why do we act the way we do?
Have you ever noticed that when someone wants something, they will do almost anything to try to get it. I ran into this tonight. Someone knew that another person did not like what they were going to watch, but they wanted to watch a certain special, so they orchestrated it so that the other person would be forced into dealing with it, regardless of the other person's feelings. The other person was put into a very miserable situation.
It is amazing how selfish we can get. We stop caring about other people's feelings because all we want to do is stroke our own. A sad state of affairs our selfish hearts fall into. I hope that I do not treat other people's feelings so casually. I know that I can be selfish, I just hope that there is a limit to my selfishness and that it stops at hurt or ticking off other people.
It is amazing how selfish we can get. We stop caring about other people's feelings because all we want to do is stroke our own. A sad state of affairs our selfish hearts fall into. I hope that I do not treat other people's feelings so casually. I know that I can be selfish, I just hope that there is a limit to my selfishness and that it stops at hurt or ticking off other people.
12.27.2006
Happy Boxing Day
Well, everyone, in Germany the day after Christmas is a holiday called boxing day. So what did I do? Well with around 6 other people, I watched Band of Brothers. That is right...all 10 parts. It was tough. I have done the Lord of the Rings before, but that was nothing compared to this. That is longer to.
This marathon was hard because of how emotionally taxing the parts are. Sometimes you just didn't want to talk after finishing a part and I sure didn't want to go on to the next one. But we made it. I don't know if it is something that I really ever want to do again.
This marathon was hard because of how emotionally taxing the parts are. Sometimes you just didn't want to talk after finishing a part and I sure didn't want to go on to the next one. But we made it. I don't know if it is something that I really ever want to do again.
12.25.2006
Merry Christmas to all...
...and to all a good night.
That is right y'all, it is Christmas. At least here in Germany it is. I just got finished watching 'The Bourne Supremacy' - a good Christmas movie :-)
I shall get some good sleep, but I wanted to wish you all a very merry Christmas. I can't even believe that Christmas is here. I am still trying to figure out what it is going to mean for me. I better do that soon. I am very grateful that this is the time that we have chosen to celebrate the birth of the greatest 'man' in history. It was this that was the greatest sacrifice that allows me to have my hope that I have.
Thank you Jesus.
That is right y'all, it is Christmas. At least here in Germany it is. I just got finished watching 'The Bourne Supremacy' - a good Christmas movie :-)
I shall get some good sleep, but I wanted to wish you all a very merry Christmas. I can't even believe that Christmas is here. I am still trying to figure out what it is going to mean for me. I better do that soon. I am very grateful that this is the time that we have chosen to celebrate the birth of the greatest 'man' in history. It was this that was the greatest sacrifice that allows me to have my hope that I have.
Thank you Jesus.
12.18.2006
What does Christmas mean?
This is the first time I will be away from family and friends for the holidays. And it doesn't feel like Christmas. Why?
I am not sure, but I think that I will maybe discover a different feel about Christmas. I know what Christmas is truly about, but it seems that it means more than just that. Maybe in our time even if something is the main reason for Christmas, there are other reasons that make it special. I don't know. I don't think that made sense.
So I am on a quest to find out what the holidays mean for me. Christmas is about Jesus, but what else is it about?
I am not sure, but I think that I will maybe discover a different feel about Christmas. I know what Christmas is truly about, but it seems that it means more than just that. Maybe in our time even if something is the main reason for Christmas, there are other reasons that make it special. I don't know. I don't think that made sense.
So I am on a quest to find out what the holidays mean for me. Christmas is about Jesus, but what else is it about?
12.15.2006
12.11.2006
God Bless us Everyone...(cough) (cough)
Last night we had a Christmas party. We watched 'Muppet's Christmas Carol.' It is weird doing these things without the people you are used to. The movie is a movie that I have watched with many friends countless times since college. Watching the movie brought up all the jokes that we have developed over the years. These are jokes that I can make around friends and they will laugh, or vice versa. But not here. I don't have a history here. People don't know 10 year old jokes. We can't just laugh at one of those inside type jokes.
I never thought that watching the Muppet's would be a sentimental hard time. How many more times will this come up? I also missed the famed Christmas party that I go to every year. It started in college and I have been to every one. It has become as much a part of the season as anything and I missed it.
All these thoughts are from my perspective. I wonder what it is like to not have me there. I have no clue. Do they miss me? Do they not even notice? I would guess somewhere in between the extremes. I think about these people all the time. I may not contact enough, but that doesn't mean the thoughts and love aren't there for my family and friends. Sometimes those emails or other contacts are just too hard to make.
This has been an interesting season and will only get more interesting. As I get closer and closer to Christmas, I am sure that these feelings will get more intense. It should be quite the ride. I don't know what to expect and am a bit scared of it.
Back to movies, now I am going to try to watch 'Home Alone' without my family laughing in the background.
I never thought that watching the Muppet's would be a sentimental hard time. How many more times will this come up? I also missed the famed Christmas party that I go to every year. It started in college and I have been to every one. It has become as much a part of the season as anything and I missed it.
All these thoughts are from my perspective. I wonder what it is like to not have me there. I have no clue. Do they miss me? Do they not even notice? I would guess somewhere in between the extremes. I think about these people all the time. I may not contact enough, but that doesn't mean the thoughts and love aren't there for my family and friends. Sometimes those emails or other contacts are just too hard to make.
This has been an interesting season and will only get more interesting. As I get closer and closer to Christmas, I am sure that these feelings will get more intense. It should be quite the ride. I don't know what to expect and am a bit scared of it.
Back to movies, now I am going to try to watch 'Home Alone' without my family laughing in the background.
12.07.2006
I got a hole in my sweatshirt
Yep, my Messiah college sweatshirt has a hole in it. Now I realize that this is nothing of note, but I like how I got it. If you get a hole in some clothing, it stinks, but to have a good story is helpful. Here it is.
I got it while climbing around a castle in France. That is right. I am so privileged to be living over here in Germany. I spent the afternoon walking around things that were being built around 1000 years ago. Incredible history. The part of France that I was in is 45 minutes from where I live. I saw something like 7 or so castles on hilltops all around today. It is incredible. Also getting to visit a walled city called Riquewihr was neat.
Perspective is interesting. What I did today wouldn't be that incredible to someone living over here, but to someone in the states where everything is new, it is completely different. I need to stop myself and just think about the incredible privilege that I have been given.
I got it while climbing around a castle in France. That is right. I am so privileged to be living over here in Germany. I spent the afternoon walking around things that were being built around 1000 years ago. Incredible history. The part of France that I was in is 45 minutes from where I live. I saw something like 7 or so castles on hilltops all around today. It is incredible. Also getting to visit a walled city called Riquewihr was neat.
Perspective is interesting. What I did today wouldn't be that incredible to someone living over here, but to someone in the states where everything is new, it is completely different. I need to stop myself and just think about the incredible privilege that I have been given.
11.30.2006
Congrats
I want to wish a Happy Anniversary to my parents. That is right 31 years. Props to them for their commitment.
11.28.2006
What to Say?
Too much has been going through my head lately. Mentally I just am swirling. It seems like different things just keep coming my way. First off, a holiday without family is hard. I wonder what Christmas will be like. I am concerned.
Relationships are such hard beasts. Man, if communication was better, it would be easier. Assumptions and expectations seem to just screw everything up. That is a whole post in itself.
It is nice to be picked. It is not nice to not be picked. Last is bad to. Just something.
Relationships are such hard beasts. Man, if communication was better, it would be easier. Assumptions and expectations seem to just screw everything up. That is a whole post in itself.
It is nice to be picked. It is not nice to not be picked. Last is bad to. Just something.
11.17.2006
Nature
Well, the last post may have left a little to be desired. Sorry. Anyway. A lot of people talk about how beautiful nature. The sky, the trees, oceans, mountains. It is wonderful, and I love it, but what about the sound?
How many people talk about the sound of nature? Have you ever stopped to listen? Today I stopped at a creek. It was bubbling down the rocks and was a very soothing sound. The wind blowing through the trees is nice to. There are just so many sounds that are so nice and calming. The sounds of nature are incredible and amazing.
Just a thought.
How many people talk about the sound of nature? Have you ever stopped to listen? Today I stopped at a creek. It was bubbling down the rocks and was a very soothing sound. The wind blowing through the trees is nice to. There are just so many sounds that are so nice and calming. The sounds of nature are incredible and amazing.
Just a thought.
Life is Life
Life just goes. It doesn't stop. It doesn't even slow down. It just goes. Sometimes good things happen and sometimes bad things, but life still goes.
So how do we respond? Do we try to change the fact? I know that I sometimes do. I wonder if we should just accept the things that happen and either be thankful or turn them for the better.
I like women
So how do we respond? Do we try to change the fact? I know that I sometimes do. I wonder if we should just accept the things that happen and either be thankful or turn them for the better.
I like women
11.13.2006
Ode to Women
I know that I have talked in the past about the wonders of women, but it has been a while so I figure that I shall opine on it again. Women are nice. Some would say very nice. They smell nice, talk nice, touch nice. Oo, the touch of a woman....
Okay, Okay, I woke up. Anyway. There is something wonderful and mysterious about a woman. Something that us men can't understand. And that is what I think the beauty of it is. We don't understand each other, yet we aren't complete without each other.
And that is why I like women, no, love women. They are awesome and I am glad for pretty much every interaction I have with them.
(Disclaimer: This ode is in no way to be construed as an ode towards a specific woman. There is no specific woman for this, so quit assuming stuff and lay off, you little buggers!)
Okay, Okay, I woke up. Anyway. There is something wonderful and mysterious about a woman. Something that us men can't understand. And that is what I think the beauty of it is. We don't understand each other, yet we aren't complete without each other.
And that is why I like women, no, love women. They are awesome and I am glad for pretty much every interaction I have with them.
(Disclaimer: This ode is in no way to be construed as an ode towards a specific woman. There is no specific woman for this, so quit assuming stuff and lay off, you little buggers!)
11.11.2006
Left of Center
Why do people most commonly leave others out of things? I would guess that the large majority of the time, it isn't an intentional thing. I would bet that mostly it is because they forget.
So what makes people forget other people? A lot of it probably has to do with the fact that if you don't know somebody that well, or want to know them that well, you are always thinking about or making the effort to get to know them more. And the person is just not thought about. A very simple thing.
Now here is another question. Are some people just naturally more forgettable than others? Hmm.
So what makes people forget other people? A lot of it probably has to do with the fact that if you don't know somebody that well, or want to know them that well, you are always thinking about or making the effort to get to know them more. And the person is just not thought about. A very simple thing.
Now here is another question. Are some people just naturally more forgettable than others? Hmm.
11.02.2006
What do you want?
What do we all want? Is it acceptance? Is it respect? Is it love? Can we have the last two without acceptance?
Just been thinking about how I feel a part of a group. Usually it is when I am accepted for who I am. When they just expect me to be me. They don't want anything out of me. Isn't that how community starts? Yep, I just used a buzzword. Sorry, it was the only one that fit. I don't know, just wondering.
What is it for you?
Just been thinking about how I feel a part of a group. Usually it is when I am accepted for who I am. When they just expect me to be me. They don't want anything out of me. Isn't that how community starts? Yep, I just used a buzzword. Sorry, it was the only one that fit. I don't know, just wondering.
What is it for you?
11.01.2006
Cheesy Pick-Up line #384
(Pick up some fallen leaves)
(Walk up to girl and say)
-As time goes by
-Just like these leaves
-I keep falling for you (As you say the last line, drop the leaves next to her)
That's right, an original.
(Walk up to girl and say)
-As time goes by
-Just like these leaves
-I keep falling for you (As you say the last line, drop the leaves next to her)
That's right, an original.
10.25.2006
I'm Addicted
Band of Brothers got me. I avoided it for so long, but I am done. Monday I watched 2 episodes and Tuesday on my day off I watched 5 more.
What a series. I can't wait to watch the last 3. It is so well done. The colours, the story, the production. Wow, it is so enthralling. Amazing. Not for the squeamish at all though. And not light. It is emotionally draining. Especially parts 5 and 6.
I can't wait to start it over again and I haven't even finished it.
What a series. I can't wait to watch the last 3. It is so well done. The colours, the story, the production. Wow, it is so enthralling. Amazing. Not for the squeamish at all though. And not light. It is emotionally draining. Especially parts 5 and 6.
I can't wait to start it over again and I haven't even finished it.
10.23.2006
I missed it
This weekend, I missed something that I haven't missed ever. But before that, sorry I haven't been updating over the last week. It was insane this week and even crazier this past weekend. It is Monday though and much calmer.
Anyway, my college's homecoming was this past Saturday. Since I started college, I have never missed one until this year. It had become a part of my October. A time to see friends and to talk to them and eat a meal. And also watch Messiah beat some poor school in soccer. But not this year.
I miss it. I missed my friends and the time walking around a beautiful campus wrapped in fall colours. I missed seeing people that I only see a couple of times a year. I missed the powderpuff football game.
So what did I do? I listened to jazz and 40s/50s love songs all day. I'm such a sap.
Anyway, my college's homecoming was this past Saturday. Since I started college, I have never missed one until this year. It had become a part of my October. A time to see friends and to talk to them and eat a meal. And also watch Messiah beat some poor school in soccer. But not this year.
I miss it. I missed my friends and the time walking around a beautiful campus wrapped in fall colours. I missed seeing people that I only see a couple of times a year. I missed the powderpuff football game.
So what did I do? I listened to jazz and 40s/50s love songs all day. I'm such a sap.
10.15.2006
Committment
I was organizing something and had people say that they would do it and then back out on it a day or two before the event. Not cool. Why don't people's words mean much anymore? I was taught that when I say something, I do it. I have always figured that others were taught the same thing. Maybe I was wrong. In the end it turned out fine, but it makes for a stressful prep.
Elsewhere, I have been thinking. Here is a question. What are two things that you can't do without. I am not talking about items, but about ideas or interactions. Maybe it is time to yourself, maybe it is closeness with others. Maybe it is a partner. I wonder what makes us click and keep going.
Elsewhere, I have been thinking. Here is a question. What are two things that you can't do without. I am not talking about items, but about ideas or interactions. Maybe it is time to yourself, maybe it is closeness with others. Maybe it is a partner. I wonder what makes us click and keep going.
10.10.2006
Criticism
n. A critical comment or judgment
Why do we react so negatively to this word? Is it because it is used almost exclusively negatively? It is such a small word with such powerful impact.
Today I experienced some constructive criticism. It was done kindly with the best of intentions. And you know what? It sucked. I hated it. Not only that but now I feel like a bit of a failure. I strive to do some things right and find that I am not. That stinks.
So why is this the case? I have an idea. Maybe it is because we are much better talking about the negative than encouraging people. It would be interesting to do a study on a person's positive comments as opposed to their negative comments. I wonder how much their negative comments would win by. I know that it would be a landslide for me. And I am even an optimist.
Now about the judgment word...
Why do we react so negatively to this word? Is it because it is used almost exclusively negatively? It is such a small word with such powerful impact.
Today I experienced some constructive criticism. It was done kindly with the best of intentions. And you know what? It sucked. I hated it. Not only that but now I feel like a bit of a failure. I strive to do some things right and find that I am not. That stinks.
So why is this the case? I have an idea. Maybe it is because we are much better talking about the negative than encouraging people. It would be interesting to do a study on a person's positive comments as opposed to their negative comments. I wonder how much their negative comments would win by. I know that it would be a landslide for me. And I am even an optimist.
Now about the judgment word...
10.04.2006
Amazing
Sometimes we need encouragement and what is so small to one person is huge to you. That happened to me today. Things had been a bit hard lately and many circumstances had left me feeling very unappreciated. Then today one person made a very sincere yet simple compliment and thank you for something I had done.
It just lifted my day. That didn't make everything feel fine, but it brought some sun into the day. It was so nice. Something so quick and simple was so meaningful. I wonder if we realize how much we affect others. A positive comment can do amazing things to lift each other. On the other hand a negative comment can just destroy someone.
I think that we forget the power of words in lifting and tearing down people. So try to say something nice to someone today. It could mean a lot more to them than you would have thought.
It just lifted my day. That didn't make everything feel fine, but it brought some sun into the day. It was so nice. Something so quick and simple was so meaningful. I wonder if we realize how much we affect others. A positive comment can do amazing things to lift each other. On the other hand a negative comment can just destroy someone.
I think that we forget the power of words in lifting and tearing down people. So try to say something nice to someone today. It could mean a lot more to them than you would have thought.
10.03.2006
Things Ya Want
It's not the pale moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me
Oh no
It's just the nearness of you
It isn't your sweet conversation
That brings this sensation
Oh no
It's just the nearness of you
-Hoagy Carmichael
That thrills and delights me
Oh no
It's just the nearness of you
It isn't your sweet conversation
That brings this sensation
Oh no
It's just the nearness of you
-Hoagy Carmichael
Yup, sometimes you just want someone to hold and be near. Oh well...In God's time...Not like I have any time anyway.
9.30.2006
Things Ya Miss
I am around people ALL the time. When you live in a house with 26 guys and staff, that is just how it is. And right now I don't want to be around anyone. It isn't that I am tired of high school kids. I am just tired of only hanging out with high school students. I really would like to hang with people my own age.
It doesn't have to be much. I would just be happy to have a few folks out at a coffee shop, talking and drinking good coffee. There is a depth of conversation and just a comfortableness when being around people your own age. It is not as hard, because we understand each other. No matter how we grew up, we grew up in the same years and there are a lot of common experiences right there.
So rather than just sitting around or watching Monty Python for the umpteenth time, I am typing on the internet. What kind of messed up modern age, mental satisfaction is that?
It doesn't have to be much. I would just be happy to have a few folks out at a coffee shop, talking and drinking good coffee. There is a depth of conversation and just a comfortableness when being around people your own age. It is not as hard, because we understand each other. No matter how we grew up, we grew up in the same years and there are a lot of common experiences right there.
So rather than just sitting around or watching Monty Python for the umpteenth time, I am typing on the internet. What kind of messed up modern age, mental satisfaction is that?
9.28.2006
Do we care?
Jars of Clay just came out with an album which I think is pretty darn good. I wanted to highlight the lyrics of this song. It chilled me the first time I heard it.
Oh my God, look around this place
Your fingers reach around the bone
You set the break and set the tone
Flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain
All fools say, "Oh my God"
Oh my God, Why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don't bleed
There is no cure for our disease
Turn a phrase, and rise again
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friend
Oh my God.
Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief
Weddings, boats and alibis
All drift away, and a mother cries
Liars and fools; sons and failures
Thieves will always say
Lost and found; ailing wanderers
Healers always say
Whores and angels; men with problems
Leavers always say
Broken hearted; separated
Orphans always say
War creators; racial haters
Preachers always say
Distant fathers; fallen warriors
Givers always say
Pilgrim saints; lonely widows
Users always say
Fearful mothers; watchful doubters
Saviors always say
Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces light
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder
Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven
All the times I thought to reach up
All the times I had to give
Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense
Oh my God
Oh my God
Oh my God
Your fingers reach around the bone
You set the break and set the tone
Flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain
All fools say, "Oh my God"
Oh my God, Why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don't bleed
There is no cure for our disease
Turn a phrase, and rise again
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friend
Oh my God.
Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief
Weddings, boats and alibis
All drift away, and a mother cries
Liars and fools; sons and failures
Thieves will always say
Lost and found; ailing wanderers
Healers always say
Whores and angels; men with problems
Leavers always say
Broken hearted; separated
Orphans always say
War creators; racial haters
Preachers always say
Distant fathers; fallen warriors
Givers always say
Pilgrim saints; lonely widows
Users always say
Fearful mothers; watchful doubters
Saviors always say
Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces light
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder
Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven
All the times I thought to reach up
All the times I had to give
Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense
Oh my God
Oh my God
Oh my God
9.27.2006
Are you in shape?
This past weekend I was in the Alps of Switzerland. While there I was able to watch a bunch of people. And one thing I learned. People there hike everywhere. I have noticed it in Germany too, but not as much. It doesn't even matter what age. Anyone from 6 - 80 is hiking up a mountain. With ease too!
There is not chance that this would happen in the US. And I am one of them. I had 70-80 year old ladies passing me on the hike. I should really work on being in better shape. They keep themselves healthy. They eat healthy and always get exercise. This doesn't mean that they are stick skinny. No matter what their shape, they are able to do many things
Maybe it is something that we need to work on. Stop worrying less about how we look and how much we way and start be concerned about what kind of shape we are in.
There is not chance that this would happen in the US. And I am one of them. I had 70-80 year old ladies passing me on the hike. I should really work on being in better shape. They keep themselves healthy. They eat healthy and always get exercise. This doesn't mean that they are stick skinny. No matter what their shape, they are able to do many things
Maybe it is something that we need to work on. Stop worrying less about how we look and how much we way and start be concerned about what kind of shape we are in.
9.26.2006
It is...really
A post is coming soon. Blogger has been fighting with me all day, but it will happen. Hopefully this will go through.
Peace and love
Peace and love
9.19.2006
Them Type A people
Busyness, busyness, busyness.
My word, I have been busy. Who would know that you could be this busy in Germany. Anyway, I have been thinking about personalities. Some personalities get along fine, others do not always mesh well. Yet there are times that we have to mesh with people that we don't necessarily click with.
This can be difficult and to be quite honest, I haven't figured out yet how it works. Any ideas?
It seems like there would be a better solution than just sucking it up and going on with life, but is there a solution for smooth operating interaction.
In other news, go Ravens, Yeah Messiah! and I hope the Yankees lose. Also Cinderella Man is a great movie and the new Jars of Clay album is a good one.
My word, I have been busy. Who would know that you could be this busy in Germany. Anyway, I have been thinking about personalities. Some personalities get along fine, others do not always mesh well. Yet there are times that we have to mesh with people that we don't necessarily click with.
This can be difficult and to be quite honest, I haven't figured out yet how it works. Any ideas?
It seems like there would be a better solution than just sucking it up and going on with life, but is there a solution for smooth operating interaction.
In other news, go Ravens, Yeah Messiah! and I hope the Yankees lose. Also Cinderella Man is a great movie and the new Jars of Clay album is a good one.
9.11.2006
9.11.01
5 years later...
Where were you? Do you still remember? When the first plane hit, I was driving to work listening to Oldies 100 in the DC area. I watched the second plane hit live on tv. It was definitely chilling. I spent the whole day a bit concerned because I was about 8 miles from the Pentagon and in a government facility.
I remember deciding on Wednesday that I would not watch any more news coverage, because it was only doing bad things to me. Wednesday night we had an impromptu church service, praying for people. I remember driving by later and seeing the gaping whole that had been left in the Pentagon from this horror of horrors.
What was the most chilling moment? Seeing people choose to jump from the towers.
A good moment? Seeing people gather around each other to help them however they could.
I know somebody that missed her train so she wasn't at the World Trade Center when the planes hit. Yet almost 3000 people died in the attacks at the WTCs, Pentagon, and Pennsylvania field.
Let us never forget.
Where were you? Do you still remember? When the first plane hit, I was driving to work listening to Oldies 100 in the DC area. I watched the second plane hit live on tv. It was definitely chilling. I spent the whole day a bit concerned because I was about 8 miles from the Pentagon and in a government facility.
I remember deciding on Wednesday that I would not watch any more news coverage, because it was only doing bad things to me. Wednesday night we had an impromptu church service, praying for people. I remember driving by later and seeing the gaping whole that had been left in the Pentagon from this horror of horrors.
What was the most chilling moment? Seeing people choose to jump from the towers.
A good moment? Seeing people gather around each other to help them however they could.
I know somebody that missed her train so she wasn't at the World Trade Center when the planes hit. Yet almost 3000 people died in the attacks at the WTCs, Pentagon, and Pennsylvania field.
Let us never forget.
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Well, life goes on. It is funny how life changes. A couple of phone calls and a well placed note or two can just bring you out of your low point. People are cool. I truly believe that we are at our greatest when we are caring. I don't know what it is, but caring seems to bring something a little extra out of us. We seem to forget ourselves and concetrate on helping others. There is something beautiful there.
9.08.2006
I was alone...
It has been rough over the last couple of days. I have really been feeling lonely. It is funny when these things hit. This specific part has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. I hadn't realized how comfortable of a support structure I had created around me. When I moved to Germany, that all changed.
I just didn't know how much I rely on others for emotional support. Because that is not there and since I have not yet created a new deep structure, it is hard. Nobody to really talk to. When you don't know people real well, it is not always evident that they care. Even if they do, I won't always feel it because that familiarism and trust is not there yet.
Just something else to work through. I am not sure how, but I have to get through it somehow. So think about it and if you have any suggestions, let me know.
I just didn't know how much I rely on others for emotional support. Because that is not there and since I have not yet created a new deep structure, it is hard. Nobody to really talk to. When you don't know people real well, it is not always evident that they care. Even if they do, I won't always feel it because that familiarism and trust is not there yet.
Just something else to work through. I am not sure how, but I have to get through it somehow. So think about it and if you have any suggestions, let me know.
9.01.2006
Schön
Ever have those things that make you go grrr. I had a big one of those today. I love nature. I know that many of you will give me a fake AW, but oh well. I also have yet to see any sort of large mountain ranges. Neither the Appalachians or the Black Forest really count. There is a tall hill in the Black Forest called Hochblauen. It is between 3 and 4 km from my dorm. It is also one of the higher points in the Black Forest. On a clear day you can see the Alps from the point.
Yesterday was the first sunny day in a while. I was hoping to get people to go with me. Anyway, I made it up after getting lost and going way out of my way. It is still a gorgeous site, but I was unable to see the Alps. Well, I was pooped after a hard hike and being out of shape my muscles were killing me today.
Today people decided to go up. 6 people in fact. And the kicker the Alps were the clearest that they have been in a while. Grrr!!! Not that anyone was to blame, but it is quite depressing that I was unable to see the Alps. Hopefully one day.
Yesterday was the first sunny day in a while. I was hoping to get people to go with me. Anyway, I made it up after getting lost and going way out of my way. It is still a gorgeous site, but I was unable to see the Alps. Well, I was pooped after a hard hike and being out of shape my muscles were killing me today.
Today people decided to go up. 6 people in fact. And the kicker the Alps were the clearest that they have been in a while. Grrr!!! Not that anyone was to blame, but it is quite depressing that I was unable to see the Alps. Hopefully one day.
8.30.2006
there's no place that I could be without you
Honesty: What a thing. It is so specific and hard to completely carry out. Sometimes complete honesty surprises me. Yesterday, someone came and told me something. I was surprised at the honesty. The thing that they told me was miniscule. It didn't get them in trouble and they had to go out of their way to tell me. It was more of a hassle to tell me than not to.
That is what I mean by complete honesty. It was refreshing and showed that the person was a true person of integrity. I need to work on that. I think that I am a pretty honest person. Some would even say blunt, but I don't know if I would have gone that far.
Props to anyone who can identify the song lyric of a title without using the internet.
That is what I mean by complete honesty. It was refreshing and showed that the person was a true person of integrity. I need to work on that. I think that I am a pretty honest person. Some would even say blunt, but I don't know if I would have gone that far.
Props to anyone who can identify the song lyric of a title without using the internet.
8.29.2006
What is your comfort level
I recently talked about how nice rain was. That was Saturday evening. Well, the rain hasn't stopped since then. Oh well. It has to sometime. The sun will come out...
People like to be comfortable. We act so much differently when we are comfortable. If we have been to a place we feel more at ease. I have seen a lot of this recently. Between people that have been here in Germany and others.
I only hope that everyone learns to be comfortable. It could be a bad year for them if they don't. Somehow this has started to become a comfortable place for me. I guess because I have been here almost a month. So what makes us comfortable? Hmm. I wonder if it is home.
What is home...(I think I asked that question before)
People like to be comfortable. We act so much differently when we are comfortable. If we have been to a place we feel more at ease. I have seen a lot of this recently. Between people that have been here in Germany and others.
I only hope that everyone learns to be comfortable. It could be a bad year for them if they don't. Somehow this has started to become a comfortable place for me. I guess because I have been here almost a month. So what makes us comfortable? Hmm. I wonder if it is home.
What is home...(I think I asked that question before)
8.26.2006
Rain, Rain on my Face
It is raining. It rains a lot in Germany. Or maybe this is just an odd weather pattern. Anyway, sometimes the rain is annoying and sometimes it is nice. Tonight is one of those nice times. You can just hear it fall calmly against the roof. It is a very soothing sound.
It has really chilled me out. As I write this, I got a bit of Norah Jones playing. Ah, so relaxing. There is something nice about the rain. If it was earlier, I may go for a walk, but some other time. Right now I will just enjoy the soft sounds. And a bit of Donald Miller reading.
What are some things that cause you to chill? Is it a warm drink? Nice music? A soft woman? Or man? Is it a location? I think that it is important to have places that we can just chill. It heals our soul.
Oh, and Waking Ned Devine is an awesome movie…one of my favorites.
It has really chilled me out. As I write this, I got a bit of Norah Jones playing. Ah, so relaxing. There is something nice about the rain. If it was earlier, I may go for a walk, but some other time. Right now I will just enjoy the soft sounds. And a bit of Donald Miller reading.
What are some things that cause you to chill? Is it a warm drink? Nice music? A soft woman? Or man? Is it a location? I think that it is important to have places that we can just chill. It heals our soul.
Oh, and Waking Ned Devine is an awesome movie…one of my favorites.
8.22.2006
How do you respond?
This past weekend I went to Ikea in Germany. It was a very hard experience. Something that I did not expect. The store was under construction and not all of the areas were open. Plus everything was in German and all the workers spoke German. Add on top of that the need I had to get things to allow me to live like sheets and a pillow.
All this put together made for a very difficult and stressful experience. How did I react? I just wanted to get out of there. I needed help, but didn't know how to get it. I decided that it was useless and I gave up in a way. I didn't want to get annoyed further so I just stopped.
Interesting reaction, huh. So how do you react in a hard circumstance?
All this put together made for a very difficult and stressful experience. How did I react? I just wanted to get out of there. I needed help, but didn't know how to get it. I decided that it was useless and I gave up in a way. I didn't want to get annoyed further so I just stopped.
Interesting reaction, huh. So how do you react in a hard circumstance?
8.20.2006
How is it different?
I had the privilege of being able to go to an amusement park on this past Thursday. It is called Europa Park. There are some definite differences between how it was run and how parks are run in the states. First off, the lines. They stop the lines periodically at different points in the waiting so that the ride queues don't back up as far. I don't see why they do it, but they do.
One thing they do that is awesome is to quickly load the ride. I would say that at most, 30 seconds passes from when a train arrives to when it leaves. No corny announcements. Just people getting off and on the ride. The food is better than at most American parks...and cheaper.
It is a nice park although not many huge rides. There was more food stuff than ride stuff it seemed. It did have one huge ride called Silver Star and that was completely awesome. What a thrill.
I had another post coming, but forgot it. It has been pretty busy, but I will try to stop by here as much as possible.
One thing they do that is awesome is to quickly load the ride. I would say that at most, 30 seconds passes from when a train arrives to when it leaves. No corny announcements. Just people getting off and on the ride. The food is better than at most American parks...and cheaper.
It is a nice park although not many huge rides. There was more food stuff than ride stuff it seemed. It did have one huge ride called Silver Star and that was completely awesome. What a thrill.
I had another post coming, but forgot it. It has been pretty busy, but I will try to stop by here as much as possible.
8.14.2006
The Pressure
Have you ever felt like you have to feel a certain way for the people around you? Recently I moved to Germany and was told about how amazing a time I would have. Everybody is so excited about the wonderful time I will have.
Well, there are always ups and downs that we experience in our lives no matter where we are. So what do I tell people. Do I tell them that I sometimes am not doing incredibly or do I just keep it back? The funny thing about this is that I know they want to hear anything that it going on, good or bad. They want to hear honesty. But I have built things up in my mind.
It is amazing how other people's expectations affect us. I have talked about expectations from our side, but never really thought about it from the other way. It is something different to be under other's expectations.
Well, there are always ups and downs that we experience in our lives no matter where we are. So what do I tell people. Do I tell them that I sometimes am not doing incredibly or do I just keep it back? The funny thing about this is that I know they want to hear anything that it going on, good or bad. They want to hear honesty. But I have built things up in my mind.
It is amazing how other people's expectations affect us. I have talked about expectations from our side, but never really thought about it from the other way. It is something different to be under other's expectations.
8.08.2006
Who's Better
How often do you compare yourself to others? I find that I do it often. The latest has been in the area of contact with the homeland. :-) Also known as the USA. Since I have been in Germany for almost the last week, I get to hear about who talked to the friends or folks or people everywhere back home.
Now I had a fair amount of contacts back there and I guess I have wanted them to miss me more than they are. It seems to be a ridiculous thought because all that is involved in this thought process is comparing myself to others.
I just need to be happy with what I am been given. I am very blessed. There are people that are contacting me and they are very very important to me and that should be enough. I need to be happy with what I have been given and not be disappointed with what I don't have.
Now I had a fair amount of contacts back there and I guess I have wanted them to miss me more than they are. It seems to be a ridiculous thought because all that is involved in this thought process is comparing myself to others.
I just need to be happy with what I am been given. I am very blessed. There are people that are contacting me and they are very very important to me and that should be enough. I need to be happy with what I have been given and not be disappointed with what I don't have.
8.05.2006
Why can't I just show me?
As I mentioned before, I have met many people this week. And even thought I am a fairly honest and blunt person, I have still found myself to be accentuating the parts of me that I think to be good and hiding the rest. I don't get it. I come off sounding prideful or self-deprecating.
Why do I do such things? Why am I not comfortable enough to just show myself? I would bet that others do the same. Why? Most likely has to do with what I mentioned before. That we make snap judgments about people before we meet them.
I wish I could be more honest, but I just put out all this crap. It is amazing how we disappoint ourselves sometime.
Why do I do such things? Why am I not comfortable enough to just show myself? I would bet that others do the same. Why? Most likely has to do with what I mentioned before. That we make snap judgments about people before we meet them.
I wish I could be more honest, but I just put out all this crap. It is amazing how we disappoint ourselves sometime.
8.04.2006
People Everywhere
I have met somewhere around 40 people in the last two days. This is crazy. I see somebody and worry about whether or not I have already met them. But oh well, I'll just make a fool out of myself. I am pretty good at doing that anyway.
It's funny how we immediately have first impressions. Actually I shouldn't call them that. I should call it the first judging. I even try not to do it, but I do. I group people into groups before I even know them. Shame on me.
I shouldn't do that. People's quirks are not what define them. It's their heart.
It's funny how we immediately have first impressions. Actually I shouldn't call them that. I should call it the first judging. I even try not to do it, but I do. I group people into groups before I even know them. Shame on me.
I shouldn't do that. People's quirks are not what define them. It's their heart.
8.02.2006
I'm an otter
So I went to the movie by myself this past weekend. I went to see Lady in the Water. It was a very enjoyable movie. Different from M Night's normal movies, but still had the quality of story telling and character development. I have always enjoyed his movies and this was no different.
It was odd seeing a movie by myself. I had no one to talk with about the movie. I guess part of the oddness is because I am so social. I love being around people and thought it was odd to be all by myself. Even though during the movie was no problem, before and after, the silence is incredible.
I will just have to always catch a movie with other peeps. But do they have movies in Germany? :-) I'm flying tomorrow. Yippee.
It was odd seeing a movie by myself. I had no one to talk with about the movie. I guess part of the oddness is because I am so social. I love being around people and thought it was odd to be all by myself. Even though during the movie was no problem, before and after, the silence is incredible.
I will just have to always catch a movie with other peeps. But do they have movies in Germany? :-) I'm flying tomorrow. Yippee.
7.27.2006
The Doping Dope
The Tour de France ended recently. The winner was a Mr Floyd Landis. He is from Lancaster County, Pennsylvania which is near where I live. The news has been covering the story quite closely, including story of how wonderful a Mennonite boy he is. Interviews with his parents abound and it seems like there couldn't be a cleaner guy.
Until now. Today the news released that Landis failed a drug test during the Tour de France. More incredibly the stage after which he failed was the same one that he had the big comeback on. Evidently he needed a little help to do it. He has gone from hero to villain overnite. This is just a shame. Although sadly, not too surprising.
I'll be interested to see how the local news covers this one.
Until now. Today the news released that Landis failed a drug test during the Tour de France. More incredibly the stage after which he failed was the same one that he had the big comeback on. Evidently he needed a little help to do it. He has gone from hero to villain overnite. This is just a shame. Although sadly, not too surprising.
I'll be interested to see how the local news covers this one.
7.26.2006
Divorce saddens me
I have recently interacted with a woman that commented that she is getting a divorce. She said it quite matter-of-factly and didn't seem to have any disappointment. This bothered me. It seems like things like this have just come to mean much less than they were intended to.
I am sure that marriage is hard, but I still think that marriage needs to become a more serious committment.
Another thing. Why are people so attached to money?
I am sure that marriage is hard, but I still think that marriage needs to become a more serious committment.
Another thing. Why are people so attached to money?
7.25.2006
I'm am one...
This morning I stopped at a local coffeeshop on my way to work. I got myself an iced Americano which was very delicious. While at work another guy asked me if that was iced coffee that I had. I simply explained that it was actually iced espresso. Then he proceeded to asked me if I got it from McDonald's. My insides instantly started to shriek, I quickly explained that it was from a coffeeshop, all the while thinking, 'How could someone think I got coffee from McDonald's? Yuk!'
Yup, I'm a coffee snob
Yup, I'm a coffee snob
7.23.2006
I hate goodbyes
Tonight I said the first of what are going to be a few very hard goodbyes. There are a few people that have been very near and dear to me over the past years. The people that I said goodbye to tonight I have know for the last 11 years and we have been around each other for the large part of that time starting with college.
They have always been there for me and I won't see them for the next two years. I didn't realize how much this would affect me. People that I have relied on will not be there for me to lean on. I will develop other relationships which I am sure will become very deep. But they can't replace 11 years of relationship or in the case of my family...a lifetime.
So I shall make through the goodbyes without too many tears.
They have always been there for me and I won't see them for the next two years. I didn't realize how much this would affect me. People that I have relied on will not be there for me to lean on. I will develop other relationships which I am sure will become very deep. But they can't replace 11 years of relationship or in the case of my family...a lifetime.
So I shall make through the goodbyes without too many tears.
7.20.2006
It's a Name for a Girl
Grace, she takes the blame
She covers the shame, removes the stain
It could be her name
Grace, it's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that changed the world
And when she walks on the street you can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything...
...She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear her strings
Grace finds beauty in everything...
...What once was hurt; What once was friction; What left a mark
No longer stings; Because grace makes beauty out of ugly things
-U2
She covers the shame, removes the stain
It could be her name
Grace, it's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that changed the world
And when she walks on the street you can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything...
...She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear her strings
Grace finds beauty in everything...
...What once was hurt; What once was friction; What left a mark
No longer stings; Because grace makes beauty out of ugly things
-U2
I have been amazed at grace lately. Especially the grace that I have been offered. I screw up so much and any normal human being would ditch me, but it hasn't happened. God just keeps offering me more and more grace. I keep falling into the same sin traps over and over and still more grace.
I hope that I can learn to treat others with more grace. Even if it is just a microscopic portion of the grace that I receive.
7.19.2006
A Message in a Bottle
Have you ever noticed how unfulfilling communication can be when it isn't in person? I have noticed this recently. I have been trying to express certain emotions over email and it just isn't working. They can see my face or physical gestures and they can't hear my vocal inflections. Telephone is a little better because you can hear them, but it still isn't always accurate.
I guess this is why I love face to face interaction so much more. I can see them and read them. It is so much more informational and effective. I can show so much more through seeing you rather than typing an email to you.
So why do we like email and the such? Is it so we can hide our true selves easier? Hmmm.
I guess this is why I love face to face interaction so much more. I can see them and read them. It is so much more informational and effective. I can show so much more through seeing you rather than typing an email to you.
So why do we like email and the such? Is it so we can hide our true selves easier? Hmmm.
7.18.2006
Is it a wonder?
Recently I had the pleasure of procuring a new release by the band called Keane. Now you all know my love for Brit bands and this is one of them. So what do I think?
I like it. For those of you who don't know much about Keane, they don't have any guitars in their band. This could make for a boring album with much of the songs sounding the same, due to lack of instrumental variety. With excellent songwriting, they were able to avoid this on their first album although it did get a bit monotonous by the end.
Not with this album. They may not have guitars, but they have run keyboards and pianos through as many guitar effects pedals as you could think. This has created a very enjoyable sound. It has also given them a lot more variety on this album. They also seem to have more influence from the Radiohead sound this time around. All these things put together make for a good album. I don't think that the songwriting is as strong, but the melody writing is better and catchier.
I like the album and would encourage all of you to go enjoy it for yourselves as well.
I like it. For those of you who don't know much about Keane, they don't have any guitars in their band. This could make for a boring album with much of the songs sounding the same, due to lack of instrumental variety. With excellent songwriting, they were able to avoid this on their first album although it did get a bit monotonous by the end.
Not with this album. They may not have guitars, but they have run keyboards and pianos through as many guitar effects pedals as you could think. This has created a very enjoyable sound. It has also given them a lot more variety on this album. They also seem to have more influence from the Radiohead sound this time around. All these things put together make for a good album. I don't think that the songwriting is as strong, but the melody writing is better and catchier.
I like the album and would encourage all of you to go enjoy it for yourselves as well.
7.17.2006
Things that make you go...
- It's hot. Really hot (upper 90s and humid). And I don't really like heat. In fact, there isn't any other weather I like less than this. I would rather have anything before this. Obviously excluding natural disasters.
- Would you? I know someone who really wanted to do something. He didn't have a purpose behind it, except wanting to. This action of his caused others to be inconvenienced. He knew that others would be inconvenienced. He still did want he wanted without regard for others, only thinking of himself and what he wanted. Although I strive not to, I am sure that I have done things like this. Hopefully we all can continue to grow think less of ourselves and more of others.
- I saw Cars over the weekend. It was hilarious, pee-my-pants hilarious. Anyway, a very enjoyable movie which was definitely worth it.
- I also saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2. Good stuff. A middle movie to be sure, but it was still entertaining.
7.14.2006
What Can Be Done?
What can be done
For the murderous race we’ve become
What have we done
Hands drip with fellow man’s blood
Why do you wait?
Come quickly Lord and change us!
Make us different, Make us different
Make us instruments of peace
to play at your door
No more murder.
Turn out hateful hearts toward love
Let Your mercy cover us
Give us humble hearts O God
The grace to love as you have loved
To love enemies
and our neighbors as you’ve said
What can be done?
What have we done?
Babies unborn silent screams
Electric chairs and M-sixteens
Our hurtful, hateful words,
Our jealousy, our selfish greed
Make us peacemakers, not murderers
Make us peacemakers, not murderers
What can be done? (Lay down your guns)
What have we done? (Lay down your words)
What can be done? (Lay down your thoughts)
What have we done? (Lift up your hearts)
Make us different, Make us different
-CD, BF, JB
For the murderous race we’ve become
What have we done
Hands drip with fellow man’s blood
Why do you wait?
Come quickly Lord and change us!
Make us different, Make us different
Make us instruments of peace
to play at your door
No more murder.
Turn out hateful hearts toward love
Let Your mercy cover us
Give us humble hearts O God
The grace to love as you have loved
To love enemies
and our neighbors as you’ve said
What can be done?
What have we done?
Babies unborn silent screams
Electric chairs and M-sixteens
Our hurtful, hateful words,
Our jealousy, our selfish greed
Make us peacemakers, not murderers
Make us peacemakers, not murderers
What can be done? (Lay down your guns)
What have we done? (Lay down your words)
What can be done? (Lay down your thoughts)
What have we done? (Lift up your hearts)
Make us different, Make us different
-CD, BF, JB
7.13.2006
Cacophony of Horrors
I don't know how many of you have been following the news recently, but there has been a lot going on the Middle East. First some guerrillas from Lebanon attacked Israeli soldiers and then Israel fought back by blowing up anything and everything and even hitting some Palestinian targets.
This is just such a mess. There is so much hatred and violence there. So much death. In many ways, it is heartbreaking. And nobody does anything. We just let them fight it out. The US has decided to side with Israel many of these times, and so we don't always think about the horrible things that the Israelis do to the Palestinians.
Both sides need to chill and people needs to stop taking ideological sides. Maybe then, everything will calm down and talking can happen. I don't know, it is just something that has really saddened me over the past couple of days.
This is just such a mess. There is so much hatred and violence there. So much death. In many ways, it is heartbreaking. And nobody does anything. We just let them fight it out. The US has decided to side with Israel many of these times, and so we don't always think about the horrible things that the Israelis do to the Palestinians.
Both sides need to chill and people needs to stop taking ideological sides. Maybe then, everything will calm down and talking can happen. I don't know, it is just something that has really saddened me over the past couple of days.
How Little is the Little Book
Recently I have been reading a book entitled Pocket Guide to the Bible. So what did I think about it?
First off, Jason Boyett is a very funny writer. He throws in all kinds of quirky little comments to keep you off guard and chuckling. Now about the book. It starts off with a Biblicabulary before moving into a review of the cast of characters. I had a rough time with these couple chapters because the reading was very choppy. I couldn't get into a rhythm. After this, the book moves into a review of the Bible's storyline and then into a history of the Bible and its versions, ending with a bunch of lists. Once I got past the first couple chapters I started to really enjoy the book. It moved along well.
For a person who reads the Bible, there may not be a lot of new information here, which can contribute to it being a little less interesting. But besides that I enjoyed the read. The humor was the positive. The choppiness of the read was really the only negative. I wouldn't say that it was an awesome book, but it was decent. So if you want to read a book that contains the word bazongas, this is the one.
First off, Jason Boyett is a very funny writer. He throws in all kinds of quirky little comments to keep you off guard and chuckling. Now about the book. It starts off with a Biblicabulary before moving into a review of the cast of characters. I had a rough time with these couple chapters because the reading was very choppy. I couldn't get into a rhythm. After this, the book moves into a review of the Bible's storyline and then into a history of the Bible and its versions, ending with a bunch of lists. Once I got past the first couple chapters I started to really enjoy the book. It moved along well.
For a person who reads the Bible, there may not be a lot of new information here, which can contribute to it being a little less interesting. But besides that I enjoyed the read. The humor was the positive. The choppiness of the read was really the only negative. I wouldn't say that it was an awesome book, but it was decent. So if you want to read a book that contains the word bazongas, this is the one.
7.11.2006
What's the Use in Worrying
Why do people worry? Why do I worry? I don't know. I realize that it is pretty pointless to worry and yet at times, I still do. We all have those things that we worry about. Some may be simple like whether or not something will happen. Other may be larger questions of life's goals, relationships, money.
There is always something that could be worried about, but is there ever something that should be worried about? I don't think that there is. Why? Mainly because it doesn't accomplish anything positive. All that it does is make us depressed and nervous and very likely have the same affect on those around us.
Life is gonna happen whether we want it to or not. The only thing that may change that is if we act. Worrying is not an action. Action is what creates things and opportunities.
There is always something that could be worried about, but is there ever something that should be worried about? I don't think that there is. Why? Mainly because it doesn't accomplish anything positive. All that it does is make us depressed and nervous and very likely have the same affect on those around us.
Life is gonna happen whether we want it to or not. The only thing that may change that is if we act. Worrying is not an action. Action is what creates things and opportunities.
7.10.2006
Likes
I like hugs. I like to give hugs; I like to receive hugs. Hugs are a good thing. And although many people that know me may not guess it, I am a huggy person. They mean something to me.
I like women. It is especially nice when I get to interact with single women. It is just something that gets my blood flowing.
I like marriage. Especially when two friends of mine get married. They are good for each other and make an excellent couple. Congrats to them.
I like soccer. I like the World Cup. Good job and a clap of the hands to Italy for winning the tourney and being World Champions even with their home league in shambles due to a scandal.
I like music. It moves me. I can listen to a song and no matter who wrote it, I can be moved to worship by the music.
I like women. It is especially nice when I get to interact with single women. It is just something that gets my blood flowing.
I like marriage. Especially when two friends of mine get married. They are good for each other and make an excellent couple. Congrats to them.
I like soccer. I like the World Cup. Good job and a clap of the hands to Italy for winning the tourney and being World Champions even with their home league in shambles due to a scandal.
I like music. It moves me. I can listen to a song and no matter who wrote it, I can be moved to worship by the music.
7.07.2006
Do you pick your nose?
Do you ever wonder if you are annoying to people? Or what your annoying traits are? What about if you smell or have a disgusting habit? I have been noticing lately that there are so many things that we talk about with other people, but won't tell the person whom we are referring to.
Now I think that this comes from wanting to not hurt the person so we choose not to say anything. I know I figure many times that it isn't worth saying anything, because I should just deal with it. But in doing all of the honest, I am not being honest. And in not being honest, I am not doing the most that I can to promote a feeling of realness and openness to my friends. Then I wonder why they aren't always open with me.
Now should we go around telling everyone anything and everything that annoys us or that they do wrong? No, there is a line there, but a little more honesty probably wouldn't hurt anyone and may even improve each other.
So I wonder if I have annoying traits or disgusting habits that people don't tell me...Nah.
Now I think that this comes from wanting to not hurt the person so we choose not to say anything. I know I figure many times that it isn't worth saying anything, because I should just deal with it. But in doing all of the honest, I am not being honest. And in not being honest, I am not doing the most that I can to promote a feeling of realness and openness to my friends. Then I wonder why they aren't always open with me.
Now should we go around telling everyone anything and everything that annoys us or that they do wrong? No, there is a line there, but a little more honesty probably wouldn't hurt anyone and may even improve each other.
So I wonder if I have annoying traits or disgusting habits that people don't tell me...Nah.
7.06.2006
I Lied
A couple days back, I was leaving the mall. A car came up beside me and a guy asked me if I had money. He said that he was on empty and didn't have any cash. He could write me a check in exchange for the cash. After I listened and told him that I didn't have any cash on me. I did, though.
Why did I do this? He could have been giving me a line, yes, but does that matter? Can I not spare $5 out of my pocket to give to him and help him out? I would bet that he wasn't lying. I don't know why I did it and I knew it was wrong. Even if I didn't see the money again, I could have gladly given him a couple of bucks.
I have been noticing lately how many Americans are extremely attached to their money. Like it is their favorite child. I am disappointed at this mindset. Then I find out that I have the same mindset. Maybe one day I'll learn.
Why did I do this? He could have been giving me a line, yes, but does that matter? Can I not spare $5 out of my pocket to give to him and help him out? I would bet that he wasn't lying. I don't know why I did it and I knew it was wrong. Even if I didn't see the money again, I could have gladly given him a couple of bucks.
I have been noticing lately how many Americans are extremely attached to their money. Like it is their favorite child. I am disappointed at this mindset. Then I find out that I have the same mindset. Maybe one day I'll learn.
7.05.2006
The 15th Wheel
Last night I was at a cookout with a bunch of my friends. These were the types of people that were there throughout the night. Three dating couples, one engaged couple, one married couple with two young girls and me. That just sucks. Don't get me wrong, I love to be around these people and I had fun, but still it can just be a bit hard sometime.
To be the only single adult there. Even if nothing is explicitly said, the facts are still there and the facts usually bother me when it comes to things like this. I would say that it is hard being around all that cheese, but it wouldn't be true or honest.
Where am I in this whole thing? This whole dating world. I am nowhere. I am in limbo land. Mainly because I am going to Germany in 4 weeks. But yet I have been in limbo land for the past several years and I have no excuse for that. Now I am not worried about this state that I am in. Most of the time, I greatly enjoy my singleness. But there are just those times that it just gets to me. The older I get, the less single people I am around. I will just have to get used to that fact.
To be the only single adult there. Even if nothing is explicitly said, the facts are still there and the facts usually bother me when it comes to things like this. I would say that it is hard being around all that cheese, but it wouldn't be true or honest.
Where am I in this whole thing? This whole dating world. I am nowhere. I am in limbo land. Mainly because I am going to Germany in 4 weeks. But yet I have been in limbo land for the past several years and I have no excuse for that. Now I am not worried about this state that I am in. Most of the time, I greatly enjoy my singleness. But there are just those times that it just gets to me. The older I get, the less single people I am around. I will just have to get used to that fact.
6.29.2006
The Choices We Make
All through life we have choices to make. Some are easy, some aren't, but most affect what and whom we become. I have been out of college for 7 years now. There have been many things that I have done from living in the DC area to working for the Navy to being a professional job seeker.
Why have I made the choices that I have made? It has not been for career. If I made choices for career, I would have been all about work and now be pulling in 6 digits a year. There are some people like that whom I work with. All they do is work and that work gives them a lot of money which they use to buy their pleasure.
I on the other hand have gone the opposite way. Every job that I haven't gotten since college, my salary has decreased. Pretty impressive, eh. But I have been incredibly involved in life. Whether it is friends or church or many other things, I greatly enjoy life and all the things it provides.
Is this better than the work way of obtaining pleasure? I don't know. For me...I think that it is. For others, it may not be, but this I know for sure. My choices define who I am and who I will become.
Why have I made the choices that I have made? It has not been for career. If I made choices for career, I would have been all about work and now be pulling in 6 digits a year. There are some people like that whom I work with. All they do is work and that work gives them a lot of money which they use to buy their pleasure.
I on the other hand have gone the opposite way. Every job that I haven't gotten since college, my salary has decreased. Pretty impressive, eh. But I have been incredibly involved in life. Whether it is friends or church or many other things, I greatly enjoy life and all the things it provides.
Is this better than the work way of obtaining pleasure? I don't know. For me...I think that it is. For others, it may not be, but this I know for sure. My choices define who I am and who I will become.
6.28.2006
Let's Talk about Faith
Why do we expect others to act in ways that we don't act? I want people to treat me with a certain kindness and I don't always treat them with that same kindness. A double standard incriminating ourselves.
Or how about when we expect people to take risks (quitting a job, moving to a new area, etc.) or make decisions that we would never make. We don't have the stuff to make those decisions, but others should. How can I judge them for something I don't even have figured out? How can I judge, period.
I think that I need to start concerning myself with myself rather than with others.
Or how about when we expect people to take risks (quitting a job, moving to a new area, etc.) or make decisions that we would never make. We don't have the stuff to make those decisions, but others should. How can I judge them for something I don't even have figured out? How can I judge, period.
I think that I need to start concerning myself with myself rather than with others.
6.27.2006
Oh, Canada
I spent the last week in Winnipeg, Canada. It was a wonderfully enjoyable time. The weather was beautiful with highs around 75 and sunny skies all week. The mosquitoes were horrible and I wasn't even near water. It was nice to be away from work and it was the farthest that I have been outside of the good ole USA.
I love starting new relationships. Meeting people that you are around all of the time for an entire week. I got to know some people very well. These are people that could have a large impact on my life over the next couple of years. It is really nice to connect with people. As always in a group of 15 or so, there are always a small number of people that you just fit very well with.
Even though I have only known them for a week, I miss them. I didn't want to leave them when our time was up. Be thankful for the relationships that you have. Enjoy putting everything into and pulling everything out of them that you can. I have found that they really bless me.
I love starting new relationships. Meeting people that you are around all of the time for an entire week. I got to know some people very well. These are people that could have a large impact on my life over the next couple of years. It is really nice to connect with people. As always in a group of 15 or so, there are always a small number of people that you just fit very well with.
Even though I have only known them for a week, I miss them. I didn't want to leave them when our time was up. Be thankful for the relationships that you have. Enjoy putting everything into and pulling everything out of them that you can. I have found that they really bless me.
6.16.2006
Screeching Weasel
I have not been as joyous as I usually am over the past couple of days. I was trying to figure out why and could not point to anything specific to identify it. It's all in my head. Whether it's old problems that resurface every once in a while or it's struggles that rear there ugly head, it just seems that at random times these things strike me.
I was wondering why our heads get in our way sometimes. Even though nothing happens, we just start thinking of things. It must be the slightest of occurrences that remind us of the things we wish not to remind ourselves of.
Who knows, just thinking...
Anyway, I am doing fine and have an exciting week ahead. I am heading to Canada to get orientated on Germany. It is all next week so I don't expect to have access to this blog. See ya soon.
I was wondering why our heads get in our way sometimes. Even though nothing happens, we just start thinking of things. It must be the slightest of occurrences that remind us of the things we wish not to remind ourselves of.
Who knows, just thinking...
Anyway, I am doing fine and have an exciting week ahead. I am heading to Canada to get orientated on Germany. It is all next week so I don't expect to have access to this blog. See ya soon.
6.15.2006
What Have We Become?
Innocent
Unscarred, Unhurt, Uncorrupted
Completely trusting and reliant
Still soft - not beaten by the cold, wind or rain
Completely comfortable in her own skin
Not picky or judgmental
Not afraid to express her true self even if it may not be popular
Guilty
We break, hurt, scar, offend
We don't trust, ask for help
We are unforgiving, picky and judgmental
We are scared of showing each other who we really are
Is there any of her left in us?
Unscarred, Unhurt, Uncorrupted
Completely trusting and reliant
Still soft - not beaten by the cold, wind or rain
Completely comfortable in her own skin
Not picky or judgmental
Not afraid to express her true self even if it may not be popular
Guilty
We break, hurt, scar, offend
We don't trust, ask for help
We are unforgiving, picky and judgmental
We are scared of showing each other who we really are
Is there any of her left in us?
6.14.2006
A-Grinning All Day
I found out the most wonderful news this morning. I have another niece. Autumn Faith was born at 12.30 am to my brother and sister-in-law. She is 7 lbs and 19 inches long.
If only I had a picture. Since I found out this morning, I have been grinning all day. It makes me very happy. Now I will have two nieces to have some fun with.
There is just something about the birth of a child that is just so wonderful. Something to celebrate and enjoy. So congrats to my bro and sis-in-law for the successful birthing of another baby.
If only I had a picture. Since I found out this morning, I have been grinning all day. It makes me very happy. Now I will have two nieces to have some fun with.
There is just something about the birth of a child that is just so wonderful. Something to celebrate and enjoy. So congrats to my bro and sis-in-law for the successful birthing of another baby.
6.13.2006
Reflections of a Graduation Weekend
1. Congrats to my sister who graduated high school!!
2. This is where she is going next year
3. I like crab
4. Good graduation speeches make a point quickly without a lot of flair and fluff
5. It is nice to have a relaxing weekend where you can calm yourself
6. Ever notice how some people are extremely intimidating in their actions even if they don't mean it?
7. Luggage is useful when planning a trip
8. Busch Gardens Williamsburg is a beautiful park
9. Alpengeist may be my favorite roller coaster ever
10. Williamsburg can be a bit rainy
11. The only good campsites around Williamsburg are KOAs
12. Lots of fun tripping with the sis to VA
13. I like WAWA
14. Mmm, hoagies
15. It's a shame when you don't feel well on your big day
16. Lochness Monster coaster is a sweet ride
17. I like Irish music
18. German women ain't too bad either :-)
19. I tried to teach my niece how to stick her tongue out, but she's not quite old enough for that one
20. The US is horrible this World Cup
21. 3-nil to the Czechs would not be a respectable score
22. Let's hope they can at least get one point this World Cup
23. Cheers!
2. This is where she is going next year
3. I like crab
4. Good graduation speeches make a point quickly without a lot of flair and fluff
5. It is nice to have a relaxing weekend where you can calm yourself
6. Ever notice how some people are extremely intimidating in their actions even if they don't mean it?
7. Luggage is useful when planning a trip
8. Busch Gardens Williamsburg is a beautiful park
9. Alpengeist may be my favorite roller coaster ever
10. Williamsburg can be a bit rainy
11. The only good campsites around Williamsburg are KOAs
12. Lots of fun tripping with the sis to VA
13. I like WAWA
14. Mmm, hoagies
15. It's a shame when you don't feel well on your big day
16. Lochness Monster coaster is a sweet ride
17. I like Irish music
18. German women ain't too bad either :-)
19. I tried to teach my niece how to stick her tongue out, but she's not quite old enough for that one
20. The US is horrible this World Cup
21. 3-nil to the Czechs would not be a respectable score
22. Let's hope they can at least get one point this World Cup
23. Cheers!
6.09.2006
It Has Started!!
The World Cup is upon us. The biggest sporting event in the world started just a bit ago. I love soccer and will enjoy catching some games over the next month. It will be fun and I shall root with passion. I will be rooting hard for the USA even though certain people almost always root against the USA.
I will also be pulling for the home country Germany. Either I will greatly enjoy myself watching some good ballwork and goal scoring. So who will win you ask? Here are my thoughts. I have narrowed it down to three teams: the Dutch, Holland or the Netherlands. Those are my picks. I think that there are a few teams that could do it though. Brazil is the favorite, but England, Argentina, Portugal and France all have a good shot. I just think with Holland's youth and skill, they will be able to pull off the run.
I also hope that the US is able to make it out of group play, although with their current form, team and group, that may not happen. Oh well, watch some soccer and root for a team because there are a billion people watching with you.
I will also be pulling for the home country Germany. Either I will greatly enjoy myself watching some good ballwork and goal scoring. So who will win you ask? Here are my thoughts. I have narrowed it down to three teams: the Dutch, Holland or the Netherlands. Those are my picks. I think that there are a few teams that could do it though. Brazil is the favorite, but England, Argentina, Portugal and France all have a good shot. I just think with Holland's youth and skill, they will be able to pull off the run.
I also hope that the US is able to make it out of group play, although with their current form, team and group, that may not happen. Oh well, watch some soccer and root for a team because there are a billion people watching with you.
Great Expectations
After 3 days of being locked out of Blogger, it looks like it will finally let me post. Yippee.
Expectations: Why do we have them? Is there a purpose to them?
I have been thinking about expectations for the last while and wonder if they have anything positive in them. It seems like you build an expectation and then are let down or disappointed. Is there a good reason to create expectations? If we didn't create expectations, there wouldn't be a chance for disappointment.
Wouldn't it be better to just not have expectations? Think about it. You would always have your expectations exceeded because there are none. You couldn't be disappointed because you aren't expecting anything. Thoughts?
Expectations: Why do we have them? Is there a purpose to them?
I have been thinking about expectations for the last while and wonder if they have anything positive in them. It seems like you build an expectation and then are let down or disappointed. Is there a good reason to create expectations? If we didn't create expectations, there wouldn't be a chance for disappointment.
Wouldn't it be better to just not have expectations? Think about it. You would always have your expectations exceeded because there are none. You couldn't be disappointed because you aren't expecting anything. Thoughts?
6.05.2006
Reflections of a Pedestrian Weekend
1. Dunkin' Donuts coffee
2. X-men: The Last Stand was a good movie
3. It had lots of action and was afraid to twist the plot
4. I am glad that I can enjoy almost any movie; it makes movie-watching much easier and less critical
5. Unpack here, there and everywhere
6. Do you like beans?
7. It's hard to move when you aren't packed
8. Lapping the field except for one guy, oh yeah
9. Gummy bears stick to most anything
10. It hurts when my friends hurt
11. It was a nice and cool weekend
12. A documentary I would like to see
13. Surprises come from unexpected places
14. Grease is fun to watch
15. Nosepicker of the Year
16. Not sure why I was given that award by my church's youth pastor
17. Jon Miller and Joe Morgan are awesome
18. Rain threatens
19. I like going for walks in the rain...most people do not
2. X-men: The Last Stand was a good movie
3. It had lots of action and was afraid to twist the plot
4. I am glad that I can enjoy almost any movie; it makes movie-watching much easier and less critical
5. Unpack here, there and everywhere
6. Do you like beans?
7. It's hard to move when you aren't packed
8. Lapping the field except for one guy, oh yeah
9. Gummy bears stick to most anything
10. It hurts when my friends hurt
11. It was a nice and cool weekend
12. A documentary I would like to see
13. Surprises come from unexpected places
14. Grease is fun to watch
15. Nosepicker of the Year
16. Not sure why I was given that award by my church's youth pastor
17. Jon Miller and Joe Morgan are awesome
18. Rain threatens
19. I like going for walks in the rain...most people do not
6.02.2006
Busy Bee
I tend to keep very busy. I always seem to be heading somewhere or doing something. Why? I am not sure of all the reasons, but one is that I genuinely like to be busy. I enjoy running everywhere and doing a bunch of things. It is very enjoyable to hang with many different types of people in many different places.
A less than visible reason for staying busy? It keeps me from being lonely. I have wanted to be in a relationship for a while, but it just hasn't happened. When life slows down, my mind gets some time to think. Then I start contemplating what I don't have and start to realize how much I miss female companionship. I don't have time to miss anything when I am busy. So what is the solution...
Well, the easy one now is to stay busy.
A less than visible reason for staying busy? It keeps me from being lonely. I have wanted to be in a relationship for a while, but it just hasn't happened. When life slows down, my mind gets some time to think. Then I start contemplating what I don't have and start to realize how much I miss female companionship. I don't have time to miss anything when I am busy. So what is the solution...
Well, the easy one now is to stay busy.
6.01.2006
Why, Oh Why Do I?
Lately I have been noticing that I seem to make the same mistakes over and over again. This little bit is amazing to me. You would think that after I do something and it bites me, that I would learn and stop doing it. But no, the next time comes along and I make the same stupid mistake.
I am fairly certain that I am not the only one in this boat. Why do we do such things. Mistakes that are in no way beneficial to us and many times end up hurting us. I wish I could just learn after messing up once. That would be nice.
Man, I get on my nerves sometimes.
I am fairly certain that I am not the only one in this boat. Why do we do such things. Mistakes that are in no way beneficial to us and many times end up hurting us. I wish I could just learn after messing up once. That would be nice.
Man, I get on my nerves sometimes.
5.31.2006
I never know what to say
The workplace has been a little changed today. One of the employees died unexpectedly over the weekend. Death is always so hard to deal with. It is so hard to comfort people.
Everything must change
There's a mirror showing me the ugly truth
These bones they ache with holy fire
But I've got nothing to give, just a life to live
If your world is without colour
I will carry you, if you carry me
Every little thing's gonna be alright
Every little thing's gonna be alright
There's no-one else to blame
I live my life between the fire and the flame
I've built my house where the ocean meets the land
It's time to live again, pull my dreams out of the sand
Let your world be full of colour
I will carry you, if you carry me
When it's all falling down on you
You're crying out but you're breaking in two
When it's all crashing down on you
When there's nothing you can do
There is someone who can carry you
-delirious
There's a mirror showing me the ugly truth
These bones they ache with holy fire
But I've got nothing to give, just a life to live
If your world is without colour
I will carry you, if you carry me
Every little thing's gonna be alright
Every little thing's gonna be alright
There's no-one else to blame
I live my life between the fire and the flame
I've built my house where the ocean meets the land
It's time to live again, pull my dreams out of the sand
Let your world be full of colour
I will carry you, if you carry me
When it's all falling down on you
You're crying out but you're breaking in two
When it's all crashing down on you
When there's nothing you can do
There is someone who can carry you
-delirious
5.30.2006
Reflections of a Sweltering Weekend
1. Why doesn't the US like soccer more?
2. It was stinking hot this weekend
3. I don't like to move
4. Part of that is not liking packing
5. It all somehow got done; not necessarily the best, but done
6. I like baseball even when my Orioles aren't doing the best
7. I like sleep
8. I don't like when I don't get much
9. Gifford Pinchot State park is nice
10. Even though I don't like moving, it went as well as it could have
11. I try to be a thankful person
12. Nothing like crashing
13. Fever Pitch has some really cheesy graphics in it
14. Reading and listening to music...doesn't get much better
15. Frontline was good
16. I was a mailman on Sunday
17. I like The Silver Diner
18. I don't like to clean
19. Not many cds at Circuit City for their $9.99 sale
20. Beuller, Beuller
21. Purveyor's Anonymous, a new group for people in over their heads
2. It was stinking hot this weekend
3. I don't like to move
4. Part of that is not liking packing
5. It all somehow got done; not necessarily the best, but done
6. I like baseball even when my Orioles aren't doing the best
7. I like sleep
8. I don't like when I don't get much
9. Gifford Pinchot State park is nice
10. Even though I don't like moving, it went as well as it could have
11. I try to be a thankful person
12. Nothing like crashing
13. Fever Pitch has some really cheesy graphics in it
14. Reading and listening to music...doesn't get much better
15. Frontline was good
16. I was a mailman on Sunday
17. I like The Silver Diner
18. I don't like to clean
19. Not many cds at Circuit City for their $9.99 sale
20. Beuller, Beuller
21. Purveyor's Anonymous, a new group for people in over their heads
5.26.2006
If you didn't know...
I have been talking about Germany for the past couple of months, but I don't know if I have stated specifically what I am doing. I applied to the Black Forest Academy in Kandern, Germany and was accepted to be a resident assistant there. I will live in a house with high school kids whose parents are missionaries. I will help them live life and grow in life, faith and maturity.
I am leaving for Germany at the beginning of August and going for 2 years. They are not paying me any salary so I have to raise my own support for this opportunity. If any of you are interested in supporting me, just go here and you can find all the information you need. My support letter is there with more information and the pledge form for support pledges is also there. Thanks.
I am leaving for Germany at the beginning of August and going for 2 years. They are not paying me any salary so I have to raise my own support for this opportunity. If any of you are interested in supporting me, just go here and you can find all the information you need. My support letter is there with more information and the pledge form for support pledges is also there. Thanks.
5.25.2006
I don't like Walmart
I currently trying to describe if the word 'hate' is too strong for how I feel about Walmart or just about right. Either way, I greatly despise Walmart. Many people ask, 'Why? How can you hate such a wonderful store?' It is easy I tell you, easy.
First off, let's just start with the basics. The aisles are too crowded, there are never enough cashiers and traffic around a Walmart is always horrible. These are the surface reasons why I don't like Walmart.
Why else you ask? I'll be glad to tell you. They kill Mom&Pop stores. They come in to an area and undercut the businesses with prices that aren't even possible for them to make a profit on. They cut some prices low to get you in the store and then you spend another $40 you weren't planning to. They treat their employees horribly, whether it be benefits or salary. They low-ball their suppliers too. If you want to carry something in a Walmart, you have to bend over and say, 'Thank you sir; may I have another?' They don't run by honest, ethical or moral business practices.
That's just the start of why I can't stand Walmart.
First off, let's just start with the basics. The aisles are too crowded, there are never enough cashiers and traffic around a Walmart is always horrible. These are the surface reasons why I don't like Walmart.
Why else you ask? I'll be glad to tell you. They kill Mom&Pop stores. They come in to an area and undercut the businesses with prices that aren't even possible for them to make a profit on. They cut some prices low to get you in the store and then you spend another $40 you weren't planning to. They treat their employees horribly, whether it be benefits or salary. They low-ball their suppliers too. If you want to carry something in a Walmart, you have to bend over and say, 'Thank you sir; may I have another?' They don't run by honest, ethical or moral business practices.
That's just the start of why I can't stand Walmart.
5.24.2006
Do you like change?
I was talking with a group of guys on Sunday and 5 out of 6 of us were moving somewhere by August. Whether it was moving to a different house, or moving to a different state or different country, we were all moving. I was amazed at how much change was being experienced by just the few of us.
Some people like change, some people hate it. There are those that will be happy for the rest of their lives if they don't move or change their jobs again. There are others that want to try a new city or job every few years. Ritual, tradition, progression, invention. All different words that have to do with this thing called change.
Which is right? Is there a right? I don't think that either extreme is right, but I do think that we all need to be in the middle. Sometimes change is good, sometimes it isn't. I think that we need to be open to both sides of change. Whether it is going to a different country to make a difference there; or staying in the place you are so that you can continue to help the people that you are already affecting.
Some people like change, some people hate it. There are those that will be happy for the rest of their lives if they don't move or change their jobs again. There are others that want to try a new city or job every few years. Ritual, tradition, progression, invention. All different words that have to do with this thing called change.
Which is right? Is there a right? I don't think that either extreme is right, but I do think that we all need to be in the middle. Sometimes change is good, sometimes it isn't. I think that we need to be open to both sides of change. Whether it is going to a different country to make a difference there; or staying in the place you are so that you can continue to help the people that you are already affecting.
5.23.2006
Unions
A local school district's teachers' union is striking right now. They have decided that 9% guaranteed pay raise of two years and paying a couple bucks a month for insurance is not enough. If only they knew what the real world had to deal with. People work for businesses and hope to get a raise and maybe even near 3% but nowhere near 5. And don't even mention the hundreds of dollars a month paying for their health insurance.
Nope, unions just go around being incredibly greedy and making unrealistic demands. The demands that the teachers are making, if accepted, will cause a raise in local taxes. That will make people really happy. I don't think that unions really serve any positive purpose anymore. When workers were treated horribly and not paid well, there was an issue, but no more. Now due to unions, a person can work in a car assembly plant as an assembly line worker and within 10 years be making 6 digits and not paying a dime for medical insurance. That is ridiculous.
So, DEATH TO UNIONS!!!
Nope, unions just go around being incredibly greedy and making unrealistic demands. The demands that the teachers are making, if accepted, will cause a raise in local taxes. That will make people really happy. I don't think that unions really serve any positive purpose anymore. When workers were treated horribly and not paid well, there was an issue, but no more. Now due to unions, a person can work in a car assembly plant as an assembly line worker and within 10 years be making 6 digits and not paying a dime for medical insurance. That is ridiculous.
So, DEATH TO UNIONS!!!
5.22.2006
The List
1. It's always nice to see the fam
2. I never thought that there would be 5 different food options in 1 strip of a strip mall
3. Coldplay - Live 2003...good stuff
4. Where, oh where to buy a carry-on?
5. I don't like headaches
6. The start of the distribution occurred on Saturday
7. It stinks to watch a horse suffer an horrific injury during a race
8. I hope that Barbaro will be okay
9. Anyone want a couch
10. The DaVinci Code was okay
11. Tom Hanks was not
12. The book was more propagandist that the movie
13. What's a good German language learning book?
14. Open up the floodgates...oh crap
15. Baseball, Sundays, naps, ahhh
16. I stink at basketball, but I can make a layup
17. High school guys can be quite the pranksters
18. It's a date
19.
2. I never thought that there would be 5 different food options in 1 strip of a strip mall
3. Coldplay - Live 2003...good stuff
4. Where, oh where to buy a carry-on?
5. I don't like headaches
6. The start of the distribution occurred on Saturday
7. It stinks to watch a horse suffer an horrific injury during a race
8. I hope that Barbaro will be okay
9. Anyone want a couch
10. The DaVinci Code was okay
11. Tom Hanks was not
12. The book was more propagandist that the movie
13. What's a good German language learning book?
14. Open up the floodgates...oh crap
15. Baseball, Sundays, naps, ahhh
16. I stink at basketball, but I can make a layup
17. High school guys can be quite the pranksters
18. It's a date
19.
5.18.2006
A Code of Crap?
There has been a lot of controversy hovering over Dan Brown's The DaVinci Code. With the movie coming out, I decided to read it. So I borrowed it from one of my friends and started reading away.
So what did I think? Well first off, let me just tell you that I could not put the book down. It was exciting, enthralling and made you want to skip ahead to find out what happened. It is a very well written book and keep you on the edge of your seat.
What about the content? The stuff that the book gets into is really just a bunch of crap. He tries to pass it off as believable but really it doesn't have much of a chance. There is a point where conspiracy theories even in a work of fiction pass the realm of believability. This one crossed that line. At one point it feels like an agenda-ridden book for the deifying of the "sacred feminine."
The end left a bit to be desired. It takes you where you don't expect, but I just wasn't satisfied by the ending. It just seemed to die a bit at the end.
Anyway, it was a good read and extremely entertaining. Now about that movie...
So what did I think? Well first off, let me just tell you that I could not put the book down. It was exciting, enthralling and made you want to skip ahead to find out what happened. It is a very well written book and keep you on the edge of your seat.
What about the content? The stuff that the book gets into is really just a bunch of crap. He tries to pass it off as believable but really it doesn't have much of a chance. There is a point where conspiracy theories even in a work of fiction pass the realm of believability. This one crossed that line. At one point it feels like an agenda-ridden book for the deifying of the "sacred feminine."
The end left a bit to be desired. It takes you where you don't expect, but I just wasn't satisfied by the ending. It just seemed to die a bit at the end.
Anyway, it was a good read and extremely entertaining. Now about that movie...
5.17.2006
Freedom
A few months ago, due to financial reasons, I had to give up my cable. I love cable for basically one reason, ESPN. I love sports and ESPN gives me more than enough coverage of anything I could ever hope for. So it was going to be hard to let it go, but I am very glad that I did.
I have SO much more time now. I don't just have the tv on to have it on. I can read, play my guitar, accomplish chores. It is so nice to not have the tv on all the time. I am definitely healthier for it. Now I am not one of those people that thinks tv is evil. I just have found that it has been better for me to watch less of it. Not none, just less.
A choice that I have not regretted one bit.
As an aside, I could have said that I gave up tv so that I would talk more with people, but I live alone. That would be a little freaky.
I have SO much more time now. I don't just have the tv on to have it on. I can read, play my guitar, accomplish chores. It is so nice to not have the tv on all the time. I am definitely healthier for it. Now I am not one of those people that thinks tv is evil. I just have found that it has been better for me to watch less of it. Not none, just less.
A choice that I have not regretted one bit.
As an aside, I could have said that I gave up tv so that I would talk more with people, but I live alone. That would be a little freaky.
5.16.2006
Whose will is whom's?
I have been thinking about something lately. How often do you hear the phrases: It's God's will, God wants me to do this, It's God's calling. I have to say that I hear it more than I would really like too. Why? You ask. Because I think it is overused and wrongly used.
Most of the times I here this comment, the person is just looking for some backing of what they WANT to do. So they say that God wants them to do it. They are using (and abusing) God's will to fit their own desires.
This has happened a couple of times recently. People have been wanting to do something for many months and then they tell me that they are going to do it. In doing so...and so their words carry more weight...they tell me that it is something God is leading them to do. What a bunch of bologna. Just admit that you were following your own desires and used the
God card' to give the desires more weight.
I would say that it is most abused in relationships. "God wants me to go out with this person.' God has put us together.' 'I need to do this in the relationship because God wants me to.' So we fall for somebody and no matter how bad the circumstances are or how strange our decision seems, we attach God's will to it rather than admitting that our own romantic feelings are what is actually driving the decision. By using God's will, we prevent serious questions from being asked by our friends and family and it makes us look good because it seems like we are obeying God.
So we use God to placate our wants and desires. That's dangerous turf that I am not sure I would want to venture on. The funny thing...I have done it before and it is wrong. So now I think very carefully and slowly before I attach God's name to a decision of mine.
Most of the times I here this comment, the person is just looking for some backing of what they WANT to do. So they say that God wants them to do it. They are using (and abusing) God's will to fit their own desires.
This has happened a couple of times recently. People have been wanting to do something for many months and then they tell me that they are going to do it. In doing so...and so their words carry more weight...they tell me that it is something God is leading them to do. What a bunch of bologna. Just admit that you were following your own desires and used the
God card' to give the desires more weight.
I would say that it is most abused in relationships. "God wants me to go out with this person.' God has put us together.' 'I need to do this in the relationship because God wants me to.' So we fall for somebody and no matter how bad the circumstances are or how strange our decision seems, we attach God's will to it rather than admitting that our own romantic feelings are what is actually driving the decision. By using God's will, we prevent serious questions from being asked by our friends and family and it makes us look good because it seems like we are obeying God.
So we use God to placate our wants and desires. That's dangerous turf that I am not sure I would want to venture on. The funny thing...I have done it before and it is wrong. So now I think very carefully and slowly before I attach God's name to a decision of mine.
It is up and running
Not all the bells and whistles are there yet, but my new website is up and running. This will give a running commentary on my life as it relates to my ministry opportunity at the Black Forest Academy in Germany. The website is http://mattingermany.blogspot.com. This blog is in no way going away. It will continue to bring you my strange opining as always.
5.15.2006
Reflections of a Tempestuous Weekend
1. Coffee shops are the stuff
2. Is Chinese food really that good?
3. It is nice when you get a good amount of sleep over a weekend
4. Naps and reading while it's raining are nice
5. I love my mom
6. I am moving in two weeks and don't feel too stressed out because I have already started packing
7. I am an unorganized person
8. The Atlanta Bread Company has good soup and a good atmosphere
9. King Kong is a long movie
10. Anybody want a nice, big, soft couch?
11. Is there a point to fasting?
12. Major League Baseball used pink bats yesterday
13. I haven't swung a golf club in a long time
14. Yesterday I found out that I still stink
15. Joe Pesci is and will always be annoying
16. I have decided to read The DaVinci Code
17. It is pretty captivating
18. The weather was pretty rainy and dreary
19. We need the rain, but I don't like the drear
20. Congrats to Liverpool who won the FA Cup final
21. Do you have a stalker?
2. Is Chinese food really that good?
3. It is nice when you get a good amount of sleep over a weekend
4. Naps and reading while it's raining are nice
5. I love my mom
6. I am moving in two weeks and don't feel too stressed out because I have already started packing
7. I am an unorganized person
8. The Atlanta Bread Company has good soup and a good atmosphere
9. King Kong is a long movie
10. Anybody want a nice, big, soft couch?
11. Is there a point to fasting?
12. Major League Baseball used pink bats yesterday
13. I haven't swung a golf club in a long time
14. Yesterday I found out that I still stink
15. Joe Pesci is and will always be annoying
16. I have decided to read The DaVinci Code
17. It is pretty captivating
18. The weather was pretty rainy and dreary
19. We need the rain, but I don't like the drear
20. Congrats to Liverpool who won the FA Cup final
21. Do you have a stalker?
5.12.2006
I Hate Migraines
Last night I had a killer one. Oh the pain. Something I never would wish on anyone, even my worst enemy. I still have a headache from it.
I am right in the midst of putting everything together in preparations of getting ready for Germany and starting to raise support. It is so exciting to have been accepted and have so many new things starting. I am actually in the process of starting a new blog that is specifically devoted to all things Germany. It will be exciting.
I don't like asking for money, but it is something that I am going to have to do. I am putting together a list of people to send my support letter to. Some of the people I know will not be able to give me to support, but that is fine. I still really want to send them the letter. Why? I want them to know what is going on in my life and this exciting time. I just want them to read it. If they decide to do nothing, fine, because it is wonderful just to share with them this thing.
I am right in the midst of putting everything together in preparations of getting ready for Germany and starting to raise support. It is so exciting to have been accepted and have so many new things starting. I am actually in the process of starting a new blog that is specifically devoted to all things Germany. It will be exciting.
I don't like asking for money, but it is something that I am going to have to do. I am putting together a list of people to send my support letter to. Some of the people I know will not be able to give me to support, but that is fine. I still really want to send them the letter. Why? I want them to know what is going on in my life and this exciting time. I just want them to read it. If they decide to do nothing, fine, because it is wonderful just to share with them this thing.
5.11.2006
What is Truth?
Today, I had the distinct pleasure of having lunch with my uncle. As tends to happen when we talk, we started to wax philosophical. The topic of truth came up. Now this is a question that I have already been pondering for the last few weeks. So here goes.
Ultimate absolute truth is created by God. God is an impossibility for us to fully and completely understand. Therefore, the truth of God is impossible for us to understand. We can catch glimpses of it and gain some insight into the truth, but ultimately we can never fully grasp it. Any time that we try to define truth, it falls under our own imperfect view.
Therefore what we deem as truth is not necessarily truth, it is our best approximation of truth. And by definition, if it is not completely void of falsehood, it cannot be considered truth. Now read me very carefully here, I do believe in absolute truth. I believe that the God of the universe has provided us this absolute truth. I am just not at all convinced that what we call truth is actually truth, but a murky interpretation of perfect truth.
Ultimate absolute truth is created by God. God is an impossibility for us to fully and completely understand. Therefore, the truth of God is impossible for us to understand. We can catch glimpses of it and gain some insight into the truth, but ultimately we can never fully grasp it. Any time that we try to define truth, it falls under our own imperfect view.
Therefore what we deem as truth is not necessarily truth, it is our best approximation of truth. And by definition, if it is not completely void of falsehood, it cannot be considered truth. Now read me very carefully here, I do believe in absolute truth. I believe that the God of the universe has provided us this absolute truth. I am just not at all convinced that what we call truth is actually truth, but a murky interpretation of perfect truth.
5.10.2006
5.08.2006
Reflections of s Soundly Heard Weekend
1. Eating a meal of 5 or 6 different things from 5 or 6 different countries is strange
2. It is good to laugh
3. Been there, got the t-shirt
4. Sleeping in is wonderful
5. When the unorganized try to organize, it takes a while
6. Weekends are for doing stuff, weeks are for recovering
7. Some people are very skilled songwriters
8. When will it be done?
9. Sometimes people, just need to talk
10. I hope that the DaVinci Code is an interesting book
11. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone tells me something and then doesn't keep their word
12. I don't always keep my word
13. The touch of a woman is a wonderful thing
14. Soccer is fun even if you can't hit the goal
15. Anchorman is a funny movie
16. The new Hershey Chocolate World ride isn't all that I thought it would be, just some flair touches
17. My friends' happiness makes me happy
18. Do I have a personality?
2. It is good to laugh
3. Been there, got the t-shirt
4. Sleeping in is wonderful
5. When the unorganized try to organize, it takes a while
6. Weekends are for doing stuff, weeks are for recovering
7. Some people are very skilled songwriters
8. When will it be done?
9. Sometimes people, just need to talk
10. I hope that the DaVinci Code is an interesting book
11. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone tells me something and then doesn't keep their word
12. I don't always keep my word
13. The touch of a woman is a wonderful thing
14. Soccer is fun even if you can't hit the goal
15. Anchorman is a funny movie
16. The new Hershey Chocolate World ride isn't all that I thought it would be, just some flair touches
17. My friends' happiness makes me happy
18. Do I have a personality?
5.05.2006
Big Bunch of Bunk
There is a prevailing thought among people today. Especially, those church-type people. The idea that there is one person out there for each of us to marry. It is an idea that really irritates me, because I have never seen any plausible reason to believe. People just say that there is one and never offer any reason for that belief of their's.
Another problem is that it has really screwed up people, especially in the Christian world. The thought goes like this, "I don't have to look around or try to date anyone, because God will drop the person into my lap when the time is right." What a bunch of crap!
So you have all these people waiting around for "the one" and not dating anyone because they don't think the person is "the one." So we make the giant lists of qualities that the one will have and don't get to no anyone without those qualities that we think are so important. Maybe if we dated, we would find out of they are important qualities.
A friend of mine has said before that he thought he could marry pretty much anybody because marriage is so much about waking up every morning and decided to love and live with your spouse. I don't know if that ideal is right either, but it doesn't seem as screwed up as the idea of "the one."
Another problem is that it has really screwed up people, especially in the Christian world. The thought goes like this, "I don't have to look around or try to date anyone, because God will drop the person into my lap when the time is right." What a bunch of crap!
So you have all these people waiting around for "the one" and not dating anyone because they don't think the person is "the one." So we make the giant lists of qualities that the one will have and don't get to no anyone without those qualities that we think are so important. Maybe if we dated, we would find out of they are important qualities.
A friend of mine has said before that he thought he could marry pretty much anybody because marriage is so much about waking up every morning and decided to love and live with your spouse. I don't know if that ideal is right either, but it doesn't seem as screwed up as the idea of "the one."
5.04.2006
Beauty and Pain
This spring has just been absolutely beautiful weather-wise. Consistent temperatures for the past month and a half or so in the 60s and low 70s and bright sunny skies. I just want to stay outside all the time.
I have been greatly enjoying this, but there has been a downside. We are getting much rain. In fact, combined with the stinky and dry winter we had, we haven't gotten much precipitation in a while. I can remember one good rain over the last two months. This makes for beautiful days but brings consequences with it of drought and water shortages and many other things.
How many beautiful things have a dark side to them. This is one example of countless numbers. What about people? How many people do we know who seem to have everything, but are trapped in some horrible addiction? Or some horrible pain from their past? I guess appearances are not always what they seem. There is a beauty and darkness to everyone, it's just a matter of whether it's hidden or not.
I have been greatly enjoying this, but there has been a downside. We are getting much rain. In fact, combined with the stinky and dry winter we had, we haven't gotten much precipitation in a while. I can remember one good rain over the last two months. This makes for beautiful days but brings consequences with it of drought and water shortages and many other things.
How many beautiful things have a dark side to them. This is one example of countless numbers. What about people? How many people do we know who seem to have everything, but are trapped in some horrible addiction? Or some horrible pain from their past? I guess appearances are not always what they seem. There is a beauty and darkness to everyone, it's just a matter of whether it's hidden or not.
5.02.2006
A Contest?
Okay everyone, I need your help. I am trying to fly from Harrisburg, PA(MDT) to Winnipeg, Manitoba(YWG) on June 19th and come back on June 25th. I need to be there for dinner on the 19th and can't leave before lunch on the 25th.
I have actually never bought a plane ticket. I would like to do this the cheapest way possible. I am looking for any ideas from anyone. Or if you find great deals, just let me know where to go. Any help would be wonderful.
I have actually never bought a plane ticket. I would like to do this the cheapest way possible. I am looking for any ideas from anyone. Or if you find great deals, just let me know where to go. Any help would be wonderful.
5.01.2006
Reflections of a Jazz-filled Weekend
1. Why do women always try to fix men?
2. I saw five jazz groups over the weekend
3. Messiah jazz concert(three jazz groups) was good, not great
4. I do not like Meineke
5. I may never visit one again
6. They screwed up and blamed it on me after causing me a big headache
7. Chelsea won the Premier League by beating Manchester United
8. Wayne Rooney broke his foot and is out for the World Cup, not good for England
9. The West Shore Farmer's Market is your standard farmer's market with lots of fresh stuff
10. Minor League soccer matches should not be expensive
11. It was a beautiful weekend weather-wise
12. City Island in Harrisburg, PA is a nice place
13. Harrisburg also has a nice downtown
14. I heard some really good jazz at a hotel bar
15. I don't really like smoke
16. Cafe Fresco in Harrisburg is quite the swank place
17. What is jazz?
18. When women try to help men understand women(hopeless), men don't need to be told what to do
19. Batting cages are fun
20. Nothing like trying to switchhit when you can't swing lefthanded
21. Even when something causes headaches, it is very rewarding when it comes off exceptionally well
22. To awake is human, to sleep is divine
2. I saw five jazz groups over the weekend
3. Messiah jazz concert(three jazz groups) was good, not great
4. I do not like Meineke
5. I may never visit one again
6. They screwed up and blamed it on me after causing me a big headache
7. Chelsea won the Premier League by beating Manchester United
8. Wayne Rooney broke his foot and is out for the World Cup, not good for England
9. The West Shore Farmer's Market is your standard farmer's market with lots of fresh stuff
10. Minor League soccer matches should not be expensive
11. It was a beautiful weekend weather-wise
12. City Island in Harrisburg, PA is a nice place
13. Harrisburg also has a nice downtown
14. I heard some really good jazz at a hotel bar
15. I don't really like smoke
16. Cafe Fresco in Harrisburg is quite the swank place
17. What is jazz?
18. When women try to help men understand women(hopeless), men don't need to be told what to do
19. Batting cages are fun
20. Nothing like trying to switchhit when you can't swing lefthanded
21. Even when something causes headaches, it is very rewarding when it comes off exceptionally well
22. To awake is human, to sleep is divine
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