...unless you are a Christian.
Have you ever noticed that you can't be completely honest with Christians? We judge each other so easily. I have been going through a rough patch recently and was journaling about my feelings last night. I realized as I was reading my writing that I would never say a good bit of it to Christians. If I did, it would mean bad things. People would think that I had abandoned my faith. If not, that they would assume that I was not serious about my faith anyway.
Why can't we just go through times of questioning and wondering where God is, why He isn't there? It is not a bad thing. It just means that we are human. Those are usually my most honest times. It doesn't make me a bad Christian to go through these things.
I hate rejection. I really, really hate rejection. I have been dealing with it for the last 15 months while looking for a job. I deal with it with friends, with women, with jobs, with God. it is everywhere and I truly hate it. It is hard to keep fighting when you are just beat down.
I give up.
9.08.2005
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6 comments:
I think people would only think you had abandoned your faith if they'd never gone through a "dry period" like that. Or if they weren't being completely honest with themselves, either. I've certainly gone through (and go through) those times and had those thoughts that I feel like I can't tell other Christians about for that very reason.
I don't know if it's that you can't be completely honest with Christians, or that you can't be completely yourself. You are right in that we very quickly judge each other. In a community that is supposed to be founded on loving forgiveness people are often viewed as not being serious enough, just because they struggle. There is a facade of perfection that is often hard to break through. It stinks, but I don't think it will stop until we stop being human. As far as your rejection thing goes, I have a book by Henri Nouwen (spelling?) That might help. He also struggled in that area and actually published his own journals on it. I'll bring to game night.
Just recall that God rejected Christ. Although that was a pretty big deal.
God just isn't always a giant flaming pillar in our lives. The thing is though, is that because He withdrew or we did? I think we all know the answer to that. Which is why I think we never share the negative aspects of our Christian walk. Whenever it's going poorly there is no one to blame but yourself. God din't change, we did. SO I think we fear rejection and judgement, not so much because it exists. But because the shame we feel is justified.
FLAME ON!
I don't think that can be applied to every situation, though. Sure, there are going to be times when the lack of communication is our fault. But there can be times of frustration that are more God than us. If, for example, someone is earnestly seeking God and yet no answer to the prayer comes (for 15 months in this case), there is bound to be some frustration that is not because we "dropped the ball" necessarily. I believe there are times when God is silent, not necessarily because "God didn't change, we did". What that reason is, I don't know. But there are times in the Bible when God is conspicuously silent, even when dealing with righteous people.
And just to clarify...it's not that I think God has withdrawn. He has promised to be with us always. But I do think there are times when he's right next to us and at the same time, silent.
I’ll be honest. In the past I have struggled trying to understand how Christians can doubt God. I thought to myself, how bad have things gotten in this person’s life so that they doubt God or the truth of God’s word? And what did I do to help push them there, or help keep them away from there? I’ve reached the point where I can accept that Christians can doubt, but I have yet to understand exactly how that occurs. I can say that I don’t believe doubt to be a sign of weakness, but I think it may be an attack of the enemy. Would God intentionally put doubt in your mind?
That being said, the revelation that a Christian is struggling makes my prayer for them more fervent. I may not know how to console them or encourage them. But I can pray.
And I hope that I personally, have not been a hinderence to you in your efforts to share, but if I have, please let me know.
And that goes for the whole lot of ya’s.
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