The Dichotomy of Spirituality

let's face it. spirituality doesn't make sense. that's sort of the point, huh? and Christian spirituality isn't any better. at least for me. especially right now. now is a very difficult time in my life. bitterness, frustration, anger and depression are all emotions that i experience on a weekly basis.

yet this morning i was singing about our God being greater. his name being holy. he being loving and faithful and powerful and many other things. i believed every word. i know these things to be true. i know them not because they make sense but i still know them.

at the same time, i currently feel abandoned. i don't really feel loved or cared for. i feel left on my own to struggle and fail by myself. this is the other side. as negative as the former is positive.

so which is true? both. i can't explain it and wouldn't get anywhere if i tried, but both are true in my heart of hearts. therein lies the dichotomy. at least for me...