Hope with no end

HOPE - it may just be the thing that holds everything together. without it what do we have? i wonder what it is to feel a complete and utter lack of hope. in anything. we have to hope. as humans i don't think that we can live without hope. no matter how hopeless a situation is, there must be hope. to lose hope is well...to lose everything.

"faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

i think that we tend to concentrate on the second part of that statement. but the first may hold the power of hope. to be sure of what i hope for means that i must hope in something. whatever it is, i must hope in something. the lack of hope becomes the lack of faith. faith in the good, faith in humanity. faith in this life meaning more than just a bunch of cells.

so no matter how hopeless a situation is, i have never lost hope and am very thankful for that.

beauty in tragedy

tonight i was watching a part from 'Band of Brothers' this was the part that focused on the medic and bastogne. in some ways it is a hard part to watch but there are also beautiful moments. first off, it being about war, it is ugly. war is hell and there isn't much that one can say is good about war, if anything. through the bombings and gunfights, there was a quiet serenity at nights with the snow falling.

snow falling against bloodshed. something that wipes the world clean and brings a quiet. the horrible tragedy was still occurring but the beauty never stopped. no matter what, there is beauty. this makes me think about humanity. there are so many things that are ugly about us. things that cause us to go to war. things that cause divorce and bitterness in the relationships with those around us.

but...

there is also a beauty. a beauty in the goodness that drives us to give to others and empathy that causes us to love each other. and the best thing of all.

beauty will overcome the tragedy.

a thought here...a thought there

many thoughts have been going through my head. i don't know how to put them down or what to say, but here goes.

-i have been intrinsically aware of my singleness over the past couple of days. along with this has come a longing for this to no longer be the case. a longing to walk through this journey with someone else. to share my life and experiences. to have someone who values me and loves me in my worst and my best. i am 32 and it is getting harder and harder to stay content in this area.

- i don't feel like my life situation has changed in the last 6 months. people ask what's new. i don't have anything. nothing changed and that is hard because i am not content or happy with where i am. i definitely acknowledge that the last sentence is a problem and leads to thought number three.

- i am starting to wonder if christians massively misunderstand prayer. these things that we view as promises are a big misinterpretation of scripture.i have arrived at this conclusion because of the walks and struggles i have had since i moved back from germany. i feel like i have ended up in one spot. either the bible isn't true or we misunderstand the words on the pages.

i know that last statement was heavy, but that has been a true reaction and pondering.

spring has come.. oh wait maybe summer.

we have been enjoying a beautiful spring with some rain and sun and nice temps. until today and tomorrow. they are in the upper 80s. as one who does not enjoy the summer weather as much, i would prefer to get back to spring.

spring is a time of newness of rebirth. the earth comes out of the cold and snowy winter and bursts into life. sometimes i wonder if there are seasons of our hearts and lives. our lives are journeys and these have different phases. i think that this can be looked at in a micro or macro way. in a week you may see all four seasons. maybe even in a day.

but there are also the bigger movements of our lives. the year that feels like winter. or the wonderful experience that lasts for a while that constantly reminds us of spring. many times during the year, you may here people saying that they wish it were another season. most commonly in winter yearning for spring. i myself don't really like summer so i am usuallly longing for fall. but all of the seasons are important to the earth and the places that we live.

as with the physical seasons, i believe that these seasons of our lives are important. although we may wish for them to be over, it would be loss of hope to not assume that the circumstances were important. i just hope that i can learn to realize that.