i have never changed the look of this thing. i figured that it was time for a new title and look. also, i believe a new direction. i am not positive on this, but i think that i may move towards the topcis of the journey that we are all on. the highs, the lows, the struggles, the victories.
a bit more reflective, but also maybe still a bit random. i haven't thought this out completely so it may not work, but we shall see what happens.
i do know that the title reflects the ideas that i am trying to show. so stop by every once in a while and maybe something will touch you and bring ideas to you as to ways to walk through the journey together.
1.24.2010
1.12.2010
A New Year
sort of forgot about this thing over the holidays, but now that is over and the new year is here, i thought that i would reflect a bit. at the last new year's i knew that 2009 would be a challenge. i was in germany and knew that in june i would be leaving a place that i had lived for three years. i would be stepping back into the world of a beat up economy and joblessness. i didn't know if something would come quick or if it would be a long painful process. i didn't know how transition would be moving back from a foreign country to the one of my birth. well how has it been? in two words...
it sucks.
germany ended up grandly with me enjoying it more than i had. then i came back to the states. it seemed that everything has crashed and burned since. it is january now and all i have managed is to scrape together a 15 hour a week part time job. i have been on many interviews and application processes and it has led to a big naught.
the transition back has been what i expected it to be, but without a very important part. community. i expected that i would have after 7 months developed a starting group of friends but there is a big nothing through. transition really sucks without walking through it with others.
i feel like i have been utterly abandoned. for all the times of my life this seems like it has been the worst. there are very few bright spots and life is hard and vastly unrewarding. i can't believe that i have been asked to do this alone. that is not the way it was meant to be.
i know that most of my 1.5 readership does not want to read this, but i am sick of being fake to people who expect me to give the fake answers. sometimes i just need to be real in my answers. so move on and know that this will not be a continuing aspect of this site.
i do need to be grateful for some things. i do have a roof over my head, my family still loves and cares for me. i still have my health. but that doesn't change my situation and the abandonment that i feel.
it sucks.
germany ended up grandly with me enjoying it more than i had. then i came back to the states. it seemed that everything has crashed and burned since. it is january now and all i have managed is to scrape together a 15 hour a week part time job. i have been on many interviews and application processes and it has led to a big naught.
the transition back has been what i expected it to be, but without a very important part. community. i expected that i would have after 7 months developed a starting group of friends but there is a big nothing through. transition really sucks without walking through it with others.
i feel like i have been utterly abandoned. for all the times of my life this seems like it has been the worst. there are very few bright spots and life is hard and vastly unrewarding. i can't believe that i have been asked to do this alone. that is not the way it was meant to be.
i know that most of my 1.5 readership does not want to read this, but i am sick of being fake to people who expect me to give the fake answers. sometimes i just need to be real in my answers. so move on and know that this will not be a continuing aspect of this site.
i do need to be grateful for some things. i do have a roof over my head, my family still loves and cares for me. i still have my health. but that doesn't change my situation and the abandonment that i feel.
12.18.2009
Eclecticism
Recently I was sure what kind of musical mood I was in, so I went through my iPod and picked out songs that I felt like listening to. Out came an interesting list. Here it is...
Mika - Relax, Take it Easy
Moby - Natural Blues
Muse - Map of the Problematique
Radiohead - All I Need
Regina Spektor - My Dear Acquaintance
Robert Randolph & the Family Band - I Need More Love
The Script - Before the Worst
Tears for Fears - Shout
Thievery Corporation - Lebanese Blonde
Weezer - Hash Pipe
Wilco - Heavy Metal Drummer
Kenny Wayne Shepherd - Every Time it Rains
Jordan Sparks & Chris Brown - No Air
Jimi Hendrix - Purple Haze
Jason Mraz - I'm Yours
Interpol - Untitled
Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek
Fugees - Killing Me Softly with His Song
Dave Matthews Band - Grey Street
David Crowder Band - Church Music-Dance!
The Cure - Friday I'm in Love
The Cranberries - Ode to My Family
Beck - Go It Alone
The Beatles - Come Together
Andy Hunter - Lifelight
Anberlin - Paperthin Hymn
Aqualung - Brighter than Sunshine
Bob Marley - Is this Love?
Counting Crows - Raining in Baltimore
Mika - Relax, Take it Easy
Moby - Natural Blues
Muse - Map of the Problematique
Radiohead - All I Need
Regina Spektor - My Dear Acquaintance
Robert Randolph & the Family Band - I Need More Love
The Script - Before the Worst
Tears for Fears - Shout
Thievery Corporation - Lebanese Blonde
Weezer - Hash Pipe
Wilco - Heavy Metal Drummer
Kenny Wayne Shepherd - Every Time it Rains
Jordan Sparks & Chris Brown - No Air
Jimi Hendrix - Purple Haze
Jason Mraz - I'm Yours
Interpol - Untitled
Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek
Fugees - Killing Me Softly with His Song
Dave Matthews Band - Grey Street
David Crowder Band - Church Music-Dance!
The Cure - Friday I'm in Love
The Cranberries - Ode to My Family
Beck - Go It Alone
The Beatles - Come Together
Andy Hunter - Lifelight
Anberlin - Paperthin Hymn
Aqualung - Brighter than Sunshine
Bob Marley - Is this Love?
Counting Crows - Raining in Baltimore
12.10.2009
Cappuccinos and lattes brew
The social chatter is filling the air
The sounds of the soulful blues
lightens the room as a lamp illumines a canvas
There is comfort in a person's voice
The glimmer in an eye can lay at peace a damaged soul
The grace of a love that is passed on
A human is not meant to be alone
The company of others is necessary for fullness
That relationary piece of the heart
is a glimpse of a grander faith
A higher one that offers closeness bound by none.
The social chatter is filling the air
The sounds of the soulful blues
lightens the room as a lamp illumines a canvas
There is comfort in a person's voice
The glimmer in an eye can lay at peace a damaged soul
The grace of a love that is passed on
A human is not meant to be alone
The company of others is necessary for fullness
That relationary piece of the heart
is a glimpse of a grander faith
A higher one that offers closeness bound by none.
11.29.2009
What's Your Story?
Everyone lives a story. Our lives are made up of little events. Some of them are life-changing, some day-changing and some are just boring. I was thinking about what kind of story I was living. Would people want to watch it, would people want to read it? I am sure that pieces are interesting, but I don't know that it would be a page-turner.
Should it be? I don't know. Should it matter? yes. Should it make a difference? Yes.
So...what's your story?
Should it be? I don't know. Should it matter? yes. Should it make a difference? Yes.
So...what's your story?
11.19.2009
11.14.2009
Pleasantness
I have come across some very nice people today. Interesting on a day that I haven't felt especially nice. Probably good that way. The lady at the post office was exceptionally patient and kind to me. I was unsure of what I was doing and had many questions. We actually ended up having a very nice conversation. I was very grateful for her kind smile even though as she admitted to me, she had a long day.
A couple other people I ran across were kind. A glimpse of light in a sometimes cold and slightly mean world.
A couple other people I ran across were kind. A glimpse of light in a sometimes cold and slightly mean world.
11.09.2009
Encounter
Something interesting happened to me this evening. Yes, besides the fact that David Crowder used the word cacophony. But that sets the stage. I was at a David Crowder show and it had recently started. Only a few songs in. I was having fun singing along. A little dance music had played and then he went into the song 'How He Loves'.
I was enjoying singing along as the song progressed but started to recognize that I was reaching a place of being unable to sing. I had become completely choked up and was not able to proceed lyrically. Now I brought up the former point of just having fun to set my mood. I was not somber or thoughtful or even particularly worshipful at the moment. Just having fun. God however had different plans.
The last few months have been a bit of a rough stretch for me. A hard path of life with few bright spots. It has been hard. I acknowledge that. At the same time, I have tried to look on the few bright spots to keep my head above water. Sometimes I have better luck at this than others, but it is life with its ups and downs.
Which brings me back to tonight. Even though I was in know way in the place of worship. God decided that he needed to communicate something to me in a very clear and direct way. Back to my ceasation of song. I am choking up no longer able to sing and these words are just staring me in the face. HE LOVES. It is almost as if the whole world faded away and all I could see were these simple words 'He Loves'.
God didn't let me move on. He made me stop and process this. He was going to make sure that I knew He loved me. It took a while to recover for this encounter. I am still a bit stunned my it. The rest of the night was just as enjoyable and I am so glad that I went.
None of this changes where I am. It doesn't change my situation. I will wake up tomorrow with the same problems of life and struggles that I am currently encountering. That is there and will be there for the foreseeable future,
...BUT...
...it does change me.
I was enjoying singing along as the song progressed but started to recognize that I was reaching a place of being unable to sing. I had become completely choked up and was not able to proceed lyrically. Now I brought up the former point of just having fun to set my mood. I was not somber or thoughtful or even particularly worshipful at the moment. Just having fun. God however had different plans.
The last few months have been a bit of a rough stretch for me. A hard path of life with few bright spots. It has been hard. I acknowledge that. At the same time, I have tried to look on the few bright spots to keep my head above water. Sometimes I have better luck at this than others, but it is life with its ups and downs.
Which brings me back to tonight. Even though I was in know way in the place of worship. God decided that he needed to communicate something to me in a very clear and direct way. Back to my ceasation of song. I am choking up no longer able to sing and these words are just staring me in the face. HE LOVES. It is almost as if the whole world faded away and all I could see were these simple words 'He Loves'.
God didn't let me move on. He made me stop and process this. He was going to make sure that I knew He loved me. It took a while to recover for this encounter. I am still a bit stunned my it. The rest of the night was just as enjoyable and I am so glad that I went.
None of this changes where I am. It doesn't change my situation. I will wake up tomorrow with the same problems of life and struggles that I am currently encountering. That is there and will be there for the foreseeable future,
...BUT...
...it does change me.
11.06.2009
Why I believe there was no winner of the 2009 MLB season
I know that the World Series ended yesterday. In fact I saw the last out. But there is no longer actual competition in Major League Baseball. Without competition, there is then no winner. They say there is, but it's not true. The Yankees shouldn't even be allowed to play in the MLB.
Why do I say these things? The payrolls of each team. Baseball does not have a salary cap. That means that the teams can spend as much or as little as they want or have on their teams. Well, the "winners" this year spent over $200 million this season on their 'team' Their opponents, the Phillies spent $113 million on theirs. That is a gap of about $70 million. That amount is more than 10 teams payrolls. This is absurd. The lowest team's payroll Marlins, is $37 million. The next closest team to the Yankees is the Mets at $150 million. That is still $50 million lower than the Yankees 'team'.
If ever there was a team built on money and not baseball, it is the Yankees. Players go there to get money. They don't go there because they care about baseball. With so much money being the difference between teams payrolls. The talent disparity is ridiculous. When the Yankees play the Marlins, that is essentially a Division 1 college football team playing a Division 3 team. No competition.
Something needs to be done about this. I may stop watching baseball if this continues. There is no sport anymore, just Goliath against everyone else. It's a wonder the Phillies won two games against the machine of absurdity.
Why do I say these things? The payrolls of each team. Baseball does not have a salary cap. That means that the teams can spend as much or as little as they want or have on their teams. Well, the "winners" this year spent over $200 million this season on their 'team' Their opponents, the Phillies spent $113 million on theirs. That is a gap of about $70 million. That amount is more than 10 teams payrolls. This is absurd. The lowest team's payroll Marlins, is $37 million. The next closest team to the Yankees is the Mets at $150 million. That is still $50 million lower than the Yankees 'team'.
If ever there was a team built on money and not baseball, it is the Yankees. Players go there to get money. They don't go there because they care about baseball. With so much money being the difference between teams payrolls. The talent disparity is ridiculous. When the Yankees play the Marlins, that is essentially a Division 1 college football team playing a Division 3 team. No competition.
Something needs to be done about this. I may stop watching baseball if this continues. There is no sport anymore, just Goliath against everyone else. It's a wonder the Phillies won two games against the machine of absurdity.
10.27.2009
Sports
I don't usually talk about sports, but I have a though so I think I will share. I watched a good bit of the Yankees/Angels championship series and the home plate umpiring was awful. Strikes for the Yankees were balls for the Angels and it just was not very fair.
So I though why not take the subjectivity out of it. Make is laser and automatic. Rather than the umpire determining the balls and strikes, have a computer accurately tell where the ball is. Sports broadcasts right now have computer programs that tell us whether the ball was or was not a strike. Still use the humans for judgment calls, but these basic black and white calls can be made electronically.
Maybe that will help. Then maybe we can move to the speed cameras that Germany uses rather than police pulling people over.
So I though why not take the subjectivity out of it. Make is laser and automatic. Rather than the umpire determining the balls and strikes, have a computer accurately tell where the ball is. Sports broadcasts right now have computer programs that tell us whether the ball was or was not a strike. Still use the humans for judgment calls, but these basic black and white calls can be made electronically.
Maybe that will help. Then maybe we can move to the speed cameras that Germany uses rather than police pulling people over.
10.19.2009
Community
I returned to the scene of many hijinx yesterday. The place known as Messiah College. You see, ten years ago I graduated from there. The campus looks a lot the same but besides that, much has changed. But still it was neat to be back and have so many memories return.
For many years after college, I had always known that I greatly enjoyed college and would have loved to go back, but realized that it wouldn't be the same. I slowly began to realize that what I was missing was the profound sense of community that I had there. I had very deep community as is easy when you live on a college campus with so many people.
Well, I have experienced this since. It was when I went to Germany. Another incredible time where I felt so much community and support through community. My heart longs for community. My soul thrives on community. I think that in some way all of us have this desire. So when and where will community come next. I don't know, but I look forward to it whenever it happens and I look forward to putting effort into it happening again.
For many years after college, I had always known that I greatly enjoyed college and would have loved to go back, but realized that it wouldn't be the same. I slowly began to realize that what I was missing was the profound sense of community that I had there. I had very deep community as is easy when you live on a college campus with so many people.
Well, I have experienced this since. It was when I went to Germany. Another incredible time where I felt so much community and support through community. My heart longs for community. My soul thrives on community. I think that in some way all of us have this desire. So when and where will community come next. I don't know, but I look forward to it whenever it happens and I look forward to putting effort into it happening again.
10.13.2009
Germany
It has been a rough couple of days. I woke up on Friday missing Germany and the people. Usually it hits at moments throughout the day, but to wake up with it on my mind meant that it didn't leave all day.
I had such a community there. One that doesn't exist now. I loved, I was loved. I laughed, I traveled and I lived. Life doesn't stop but it feels like it is going about as slowly as it can right now. It is even hard to contact those people that I miss because I feel like I will miss them more.
There are bright spots and darker spots. This is just a bit darker of a time. But I did get to have fun in a corn maze today. That was cool. Have a good week and if you don't mind. Send up a little prayer for me.
I had such a community there. One that doesn't exist now. I loved, I was loved. I laughed, I traveled and I lived. Life doesn't stop but it feels like it is going about as slowly as it can right now. It is even hard to contact those people that I miss because I feel like I will miss them more.
There are bright spots and darker spots. This is just a bit darker of a time. But I did get to have fun in a corn maze today. That was cool. Have a good week and if you don't mind. Send up a little prayer for me.
10.02.2009
Tunnelwise
Sometimes in life we walk through darkness. It can feel like a tunnel where we can't see light on either side. At times I feel like I am in a tunnel right now. I can catch a glimpse of some light behind me. That light was Germany and is fading. But it is not good to look behind. It is best to stay focused on what is in front of you.
First off because it is dark and you may stumble. But secondly and more importantly, you need to look ahead because you may catch a glimmer of the light at the end of the tunnel. And even a glimmer of that light is infinitely more satisfying than looking behind you at a light.
Let me introduce a third aspect of this metaphorical tunnel. Throughout the tunnel are periodic lights. These happen far more than one may notice, but when they are noticed it pushes back the darkness. The thing about these lights is that you never know if they are the end of the tunnel or not. So it is best to keep your eyes concentrated on this light.
There is a light that I must keep my eyes on.
First off because it is dark and you may stumble. But secondly and more importantly, you need to look ahead because you may catch a glimmer of the light at the end of the tunnel. And even a glimmer of that light is infinitely more satisfying than looking behind you at a light.
Let me introduce a third aspect of this metaphorical tunnel. Throughout the tunnel are periodic lights. These happen far more than one may notice, but when they are noticed it pushes back the darkness. The thing about these lights is that you never know if they are the end of the tunnel or not. So it is best to keep your eyes concentrated on this light.
There is a light that I must keep my eyes on.
9.25.2009
Oh the joys of life
I found something exiting tonight. At one of my more fav cafes, Prince Street Cafe, they make good coffee with a good atmosphere. As I found out tonight, they also serve you your latte or cappuccino in a mug if you ask them. Most places just give you the paper cup, but I am really enjoying the coffee out of a mug. Props to them.
9.24.2009
Resting
Life is full of light and shadow
Oh the joy and Oh the sorrow
oh the sorrow
And yet will He bring day from night
And yet will He bring dark to light
When shadows fall on us
We will not fear
We will remember
When darkness falls on us
We will not fear
We will remember
When all seems lost
When we're thrown and tossed
We'll remember the cost
We're resting in the shadow of the cross
-David Crowder* Band
Oh the joy and Oh the sorrow
oh the sorrow
And yet will He bring day from night
And yet will He bring dark to light
When shadows fall on us
We will not fear
We will remember
When darkness falls on us
We will not fear
We will remember
When all seems lost
When we're thrown and tossed
We'll remember the cost
We're resting in the shadow of the cross
-David Crowder* Band
The cd 'Church Music' is amazing
9.20.2009
What a day!
Got to get out on the water today. Man, was it beautiful. Barely a cloud in the sky. I thought that it would be a bit cold, but as I got my arms moving in the kayak, I realized that it was perfect. Relaxing and being on the water is just a wonderful way to spend a couple hours.
It is neat how, by getting out in God's creation, it can refresh you. And that is what I feel right now. A bit refreshed. Grateful for the day.
It is neat how, by getting out in God's creation, it can refresh you. And that is what I feel right now. A bit refreshed. Grateful for the day.
9.08.2009
Fire, Jazz, Cushy chair
Right now I am sitting near a fire, with jazz playing in the background and drinking some coffee. This site could take place in a living room and it would be lovely if it did. But alas this is not. It would also be nice if it was occurring in a small cafe but alas, no. It is occurring in a chain store which does a great job a creating atmosphere even if it is mass produced. (NOT STARBUCKS!)
Either way I am enjoying myself. I am relaxed and it is nice to sit, reflect and type. I urge you to find that place that makes you comfortable, wherever it may be.
Either way I am enjoying myself. I am relaxed and it is nice to sit, reflect and type. I urge you to find that place that makes you comfortable, wherever it may be.
9.05.2009
It is not good for the Matt to be alone
So I went out on the town tonight. By myself. I went to enjoy a free show at the Pennsylvania Academy of Music. A jazz pianist and classical guitar player were performing. The performance hall happens to be downtown close to some art gallaries and cafes. So I got dinner at a cafe and afterwards enjoyed some art and coffee.
Before and during the show I had a periodic thought. Wouldn't it be neat if I ran into a nice lady that I didn't know and we just hit it off and ended up going to a cafe and having a couple hour long amazing conversation. Yeah, yeah, I know, not likely and only happens in the movies. Anyways, it was a thought and hope of mine.
Never did happen, but I still had a very enjoyable evening. Just would really love to have someone to share these types of things with.
Before and during the show I had a periodic thought. Wouldn't it be neat if I ran into a nice lady that I didn't know and we just hit it off and ended up going to a cafe and having a couple hour long amazing conversation. Yeah, yeah, I know, not likely and only happens in the movies. Anyways, it was a thought and hope of mine.
Never did happen, but I still had a very enjoyable evening. Just would really love to have someone to share these types of things with.
8.26.2009
So I got a bit wet
Last Friday I had the distinct privilege to go golfing with my brother. Since I hadn't swung a golf club in a year, I went to the driving range Thursday night to remind myself how it worked. A side note...as I was getting my clubs out of the car there was this group of people. It looked like multiple parts of a family. Grandparents, one sons family, another family, but all related. They were getting ready to play mini golf. I realized that I understood what they were saying to each other, yet I also realized that it didn't seem to fit in the states. It was at this time that I realized they were speaking German to each other. It felt so comfortable to hear them interact in German. A nice thing for a guy missing Germany.
Anyways, back to golf. Friday morning came around and we got out on the golfcourse. I was doing okay. Not great, but better than I have done before and the best of us four. It was quite the enjoyable time and I was really enjoying walking the course with my bro. Then some drizzeling rain came. A small shower lasted for about five minutes and then moved on. We though we were okay till we had just finished hole 13. The sky got real dark and huge drops started coming down. By the time that we walked back the the clubhouse WITH an umbrella. We were soaked. Man, we got poured on. But we didn't get struck by lightning which was good.
Still ended up being a great day.
Anyways, back to golf. Friday morning came around and we got out on the golfcourse. I was doing okay. Not great, but better than I have done before and the best of us four. It was quite the enjoyable time and I was really enjoying walking the course with my bro. Then some drizzeling rain came. A small shower lasted for about five minutes and then moved on. We though we were okay till we had just finished hole 13. The sky got real dark and huge drops started coming down. By the time that we walked back the the clubhouse WITH an umbrella. We were soaked. Man, we got poured on. But we didn't get struck by lightning which was good.
Still ended up being a great day.
8.15.2009
A nice little game
Football is back. The first round of preseason games is happening. Last night the amazingly awesome Ravens took on the interminable Redskins. Just kidding, but the Ravens and Redskins did play. The Ravens dominated the evening winning 23-0. It was enjoyable to see a football game again. The last game I watched at a normal time was about 4 years ago. I have been watching games from Germany 6 hours ahead for the last 3 years. It will be nice to watching the super bowl at 6:30 pm instead of 12:30 am.
So anyway, the Ravens beat up on the Redskins. Game doesn't matter one lick, but I am glad to see the Ravens looking decent already. Should be a good year.
So anyway, the Ravens beat up on the Redskins. Game doesn't matter one lick, but I am glad to see the Ravens looking decent already. Should be a good year.
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