sort of forgot about this thing over the holidays, but now that is over and the new year is here, i thought that i would reflect a bit. at the last new year's i knew that 2009 would be a challenge. i was in germany and knew that in june i would be leaving a place that i had lived for three years. i would be stepping back into the world of a beat up economy and joblessness. i didn't know if something would come quick or if it would be a long painful process. i didn't know how transition would be moving back from a foreign country to the one of my birth. well how has it been? in two words...
it sucks.
germany ended up grandly with me enjoying it more than i had. then i came back to the states. it seemed that everything has crashed and burned since. it is january now and all i have managed is to scrape together a 15 hour a week part time job. i have been on many interviews and application processes and it has led to a big naught.
the transition back has been what i expected it to be, but without a very important part. community. i expected that i would have after 7 months developed a starting group of friends but there is a big nothing through. transition really sucks without walking through it with others.
i feel like i have been utterly abandoned. for all the times of my life this seems like it has been the worst. there are very few bright spots and life is hard and vastly unrewarding. i can't believe that i have been asked to do this alone. that is not the way it was meant to be.
i know that most of my 1.5 readership does not want to read this, but i am sick of being fake to people who expect me to give the fake answers. sometimes i just need to be real in my answers. so move on and know that this will not be a continuing aspect of this site.
i do need to be grateful for some things. i do have a roof over my head, my family still loves and cares for me. i still have my health. but that doesn't change my situation and the abandonment that i feel.
3 comments:
Hey Matt,
I'm sorry the transition has been so rough. I totally hear you on the lack of friends. There aren't really people to hang out with at my church (I know, I COULD change churches), I babysit, and I photograph kids. It's so hard to make friends of people with families because all they want to do is be with their families (not that I can blame them for that). I'm just curious, what kind of jobs are you looking for?
oh, and as for me, I'd always rather you be honest about how you're feeling :)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Matt - sounds frustrating... Amazing how some of the hardest times can be from leaving one adventure and stepping into the unknown. Community is definitely even more work here - I have definitely found that if you don't see people often enough, they get caught up in their lives and forget about you - not necessarily on purpose but it happens. Effort is involved, which can be quite frustrating. I'll definitely be praying for you as you continue to transition. Are you living in PA again?
Appreciate your honesty...
Christine of former Wittlingen days of way back when :)
chopped liver loves ya.
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